I Must Become Less

John 3



27To this John replied, "A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. 28You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Christ[1] but am sent ahead of him.' 29The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 30He must become greater; I must become less.

I am clinging to the humility in these verses these days. That John realized that his time was over and it was time to step back and let the ministry of Jesus take center stage.



This man in Katie's life is showing himself to be a very Godly man. He is treating Katie with much respect and is very careful about their relationship. It is so obvious that God is working between them and bringing two souls together. I am blessed to watch this happening before my very eyes. It is soooooo exciting!



But the COB begins. I knew this day would eventually arrive. Katie was created to be a wife and a mother and I have always known that someday God would give her that opportunity to do just that. It won't happen tomorrow, or next week, or in a month, but eventually it will happen that Katie will develop a lasting relationship with a future spouse. It may be Adam, it may not be. They are really praying about the direction their relationship is going, and they both are following God on that. But I know, that eventually, my framily will be gone. Then comes the major life adjustment.



I'm so afraid.



I rejoice in Katie's love affair with God right now. But, my heart is aching because I see the impending end of life as I know it. It was an adjustment to share a house with her and her two kids. That was one major life adjustment! But I have adjusted. I have maybe even taken it for granted, but now just the thought of this big house being empty terrifies me. I know that even if things do work between Katie and Adam, that at least a year will pass before they start packing, but I dread that moment. I feel so foolish.



I have so many emotions going on inside of me right now. On one hand I am rejoicing with Katie and Adam. On another hand I am somewhat envious and need to repent for coveting. On yet another hand I am terrified of losing my framily. On another hand I know that I am not losing a framily, that they may simply not live with me anymore. On another hand I feel somewhat slighted because I have sacrificed so much of myself over these few years and I wonder why all I am going to get out of it is heartbreak. I know that Katie is always going to be my friend, I'm not afraid to lose that. It's just the unknown I fear I guess. I really do feel so foolish, probably because I just discovered today that I have at least five "hands". LOL I digress.



Some of what I fear I know is unfounded. I also know that God will carry me through anything that may come my way. He is my strength, but only when I let Him be and right now I am struggling against myself. I feel life getting out of control and I know that if I just let go of the wheel I'll be fine, but I can't. It is so difficult to relinquish control. But, I also know, that by letting go I will allow God to carry me. I want that. I want to feel His Loving Presence and I want to know Him more. That is why I am trying to embrace this COB, my Crisis of Belief. I know that in the end, my love relationship with the Lover of my Soul will rise to new levels. I know that my friendship with Katie will be even deeper. I know that I may learn to appreciate her kids even more than I do now and that in the end, my framily may even grow to include Adam and his kids possibly. Who all knows what God has in store for my life? He is to be trusted. He is faithful. He has never once let me down before. I must become less.



Oh Father, I am so frightened. Forgive my lack of faith. Please hold me. My heart is crying out to You. Please comfort me. Make Yourself known to me in ways I haven't experienced before. You are so Faithful, You are my Comforter. Bless Katie and Adam and guide them in Your Will. Help me to become less so that You can work Your Will through me. I want to embrace You Father, I want to shine Your Light in this world. I know that you Love me and will never let me go. Help me in my unbelief. Amen.