Saturday, May 22, 2004

A Bizarre Twist

Okay, as if it wasn't enough that Romeo suddenly had a change of heart....

He called me last night. I felt sick and hopeful at the same time. I think the sick part was more appropriate. He greeted me, "Hey!" and then went on to brag about how proud he was of his daughter who graduated. Then he said he just wanted to gloat. I said "I am proud for her". He said "How are you?" Not in a way of concern but just like it was something to say to create conversation. I told him "Well, I've had a rough day." He acted as if he didn't know why. Then he said that he thought we could still chat and talk about what is going on in our lives...and asked "We're still friends aren't we? I just thought I'd call and say 'Hey'".

I couldn't believe it. If all of this wasn't bizarre enough! A few days ago he was going on about how he "[found] comfort in knowing the presence of a woman (or in this case a queen) to serve beside him in the confines of a godly home and take joy in knowing her heart." Then a few days later he feels nothing. Now HE WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND???? As if the "dear john" letter wasn't enough! Now the knife gets reinserted into the open wound!

I tried to explain to him how I was feeling but his cell phone conveniently went out of range. He never called least not yet.

I told him that this was crazy and none of it made any sense. It's not that I can't ever be friends with him (well I can't now) but, I feel like he has taken the easy way out. I feel like I deserve an explanation....FACE TO FACE!

I never trusted in Adam. I knew he was a man and he could fail me at any point. I have placed my trust in God through all of this and I still do. But, even if he has a good explanation and even if a miracle does happen and somehow God brings us back will be hard for me to trust that this won't happen again.

I feel like I deserve better than this from him. I am a good person. I never try to hurt anybody on purpose. Why do the people I give my heart to keep stomping on it? What is it about me? It took me 4 years to feel safe to put my heart out there again....and I feel that it has been undone in less than a month.

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