Tuesday, May 25, 2004

God Speaks

Yesterday God was speaking to my heart. Little did I know, at nearly the same time, on the other side of the World, in Poland, a man was praying.......for me.

I read his prayer in the comments section and decided to send him an email. He has given me permission to share this on our blog.

Here it is:


Thank you so much or that wonderful heartfelt prayer. God was speaking to my heart as you were probably speaking to His. It's funny, the same cards that Adam and I sent to one another during our time of joy together...are the speaking deeply to my heart in my time of sorrow. God even threw my own words back at me. One card to Adam went like this:

"There are so many uncertainties in this life. Day by day, moment by moment, we know not what the future holds. But, we do know who holds our future. Trust Him."

I also added, "There are many uncertainties in human relationships. WE have both experienced much pain because of that. I am glad that we can know that our future does not depend on man but on God and He knows what is best. I do trust Him. I do."

When I read this I thought, "Okay, I did, but...do I? Yes! Yes I do!"

He has been speaking me so much today through songs on the radio where he tells me that He loves me more than the sun and the stars that He taught how to shine and He wants me to shine for Him too. I said, "I want to shine for you, Lord, but you have to teach me again!"

I also glanced at my calendar and read the scripture for the month...for the first time and it was Isaiah 40:11. I love the book of Isaiah! This scripture reads, "...he gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."

Sue has been praying for God to hold me close to His heart and this was affirmation to me that He is doing just that. This morning I cried out to Him. I told Him that my head knows He is holding me but I can't feel it. I begged Him to help me to feel it. I do now.

The first card Adam sent me said, "Faith is allowing your soul to go beyond what your eyes can see. For we walk by faith, not by sight 2 Corinthians 5:7."

Then Adam wrote, "I have learned to walk by His hand leading me. I want so much that His will be done between us."

So, I am thinking...this must be God's will even though it doesn't make sense...which is exactly how God works anyhow!!!

Here is a card that came after we set boundaries..."True freedom is not having our own way but yielding to God's way. Show me thy ways oh, Lord. Teach me thy paths. Lead me in Thy truth and teach me; for Thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. Ps. 25: 4-5."

Then Adam wrote, "It is so wonderful that we are not bound to the world's ideas but given an everlasting guide to freedom of loving God's way."

I realized by the time I read this one again that loving Adam God's way is letting Him go and praying for Him. I must let Him go and stop trying to figure this out. I have to just surrender to God's way.

Here is a portion of a note he sent me later, "...Another boundary is the one with God. I want you to be very disciplined in your relationship with God in that if you ever feel that this is in any kind of way hindering that, please bring that to me. I really want an open and completely honest relationship with you and I believe that is what we are. Please don't ever be afraid that you cannot express what is on your heart or mind because this has been on mine. I do not ever want to be a stumbling block to your walk with Christ."

At first I thought...this IS a stumbling block Adam! but, it's only a stumbling block because I am focused on what i can see and not beyond that to where my soul can take me in faith.

I have prayed this to God, "Help me to accept this. Lead me in Your truth and teach me. For you are the God of my salvation. On You will I wait all the day. Help me to remember this!"

I am glad that Adam truly has been honest with me and even though I read his old e-mails and wondered if he really meant them...I think he did at the time. Something just changed in his heart and he was honest with me about it.

I am a lady in waiting...not for Adam to come back (although that would be MY preference at this time), but I am a lady waiting on God. I am having a God moment now and I feel strong. But, I have been on a roller coaster of emotions so please, don't stop praying for me yet! It's helping...ALOT!


I ask that all members of the Body lift me up through this difficult time. I also ask for prayer as there are other ways that the family is being attacked at this time.

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