In Fact, I Hate This

When we counseled with "Bob" last week, I explained what I felt my role in Katie's life, and the lives of her kids, is. God led me to come to Tennessee. When He started to point me in this direction, I believed it was for a totally different, and opposite reason. God's thoughts are NOT my thoughts!



My role is to help someone in need. God put someone in need right before my eyes and I could not turn away and do nothing. I believe God continues to provide for me, so that I may keep providing for these people in need. Sometimes, though, I wonder to what extent should I help? How much should I sacrifice?



This is a question that has been going around and around in my mind for a few weeks now. It really came to a head when Katie's daughter had some trouble at school. Katie's daughter is a great kid, and is developing her own identity at 11 years old. Unfortunately, she is easily influenced by those around her and her school is among the worst schools in the nation. The student body is full of very dysfunctional kids and they have made life horrendous for Katie's daughter through what I would consider sexual harassment. She has put up with so much and is a good student, but it is obvious, that for her own safety, it is wise to remove her from that school.



Katie checked into other school districts, but none would accept someone from outside their district. The problem is, many people are leaving this district because of the schools, and are putting their kids elsewhere, so they are full up. There are a couple of other options; private school or we move.



I started thinking things like I don't want to move. Why should I move? These aren't my kids. It is not like I am married to this family. I can't afford private school. I'm doing what I can already, I can't take on more. Should I? How much should I sacrifice? How much of my life do I have to give up to help these people? Where does my commitment end? What exactly is my commitment?



So, all these thoughts were starting to fester a bit of resentment and guilt. I want to help this family. I am commanded to help those in need. Jesus gave His all for me, I want to give my all to Him and that would be sacrificing all that I can to help this family. The kids need a mom and with me helping to provide, they have that. Their father abandoned them, (which I think is a blessing, but that's another post) and they need to have their mother at home. God has put me in a position to allow that to happen for them.



When Bob shared his story of how he adopted a young adult woman so that she could be a part of a real functional family, and how his family took on a lot of responsibility, it made me see that sometimes God requires something radical from us. He adopted an adult and took over responsibilities of caring for her and investing financially in her future. It was not what society would view as being "normal", and in fact, it was quite radical. Bob said that I am doing something radical too.



It is not normal for a single woman to "adopt" a family and support them financially. He reminded me that what I am doing is a kind of covenantal relationship...not to be broken. I can not just turn my back because it would put three people into poverty. Two kids would lose their mother, as Katie would need to work full time and rarely be at home. Like it or not, I am helping to "parent" her kids. I am an influence in their lives and that is an awesome responsibility. He told me that he understands my issue, and I believe him, especially after he shared his story.



The thing that stuck out the most was when Bob confessed to me that at times, the relationship with his adopted daughter was very difficult because of the problems his family inherited through her. He said "I don't like this, in fact, I HATE this, but it's the right thing to do."



I do love Katie and her kids and at times life can be difficult. Her kids are headed into the teenage years which I'm sure will prove to be interesting. I give the framily a lot of my paycheck, in fact, almost all through house and car payments, insurance, and other needs. Kids take up a lot of time and I am not always willing to give up my time. I'm struggling with that because I know how much the kids love me and want to spend time with me...I'm selfish with my time. In fact, I think sometimes I'm more selfish with my time than with my money.



Bob gave us some suggestions, some things to work on in our relationship(s) with each other. He told us to start fresh and new at the end of the school year and Katie and I are serious about making the effort. Her kids' lives are at stake!



In those tough times ahead, I am going to remember those words of wisdom Bob gave me, "I don't like this, in fact, I hate this...but it's the right thing to do."