Privacy or Responsibility

I used to believe it was wrong for a parent to read a child's personal notes and journals. But, as I have listened to successful parents preach, and read several books on the subject of parenting, I have changed how I feel about that. God knows every thought and every deed that I do. I am glad that He is all knowing and invades my personal space because He loves me. I also know that I have a sinful nature that is untrustworthy and He is my guide. If I could hide my sin from God, would I want to? If I could choose to give God permission to know my every thought and every deed...would I? The answer to this question is an absolute YES! My father needs to have access to the most intimate private parts of my life in order to love, protect, and guide me in all wisdom and truth. I WANT him to know.



So, when applying this principle to my children....should it not be the same? Should I not follow His example? Just as God's children are sinful and deceptive by nature...so much more are my children who have not reached a safe level of maturity and growth in Christ. I have heard it said in sermons, and read it in books. It is the parent's responsibility to know the intimate details of their child's life...even if it means reading a diary. My children know that I will read things that I come across. I told them that it isn't because I don't trust them but because I love them and I know that they need guidance at times. They understand where I am coming from. I hav heard wise Christian counselors say it is irresponsbile for parents to close their eyes to the idea that their child will decieve and even possibly bring about great harm to themselves or others. Through the example I see in my heavenly Father, my experiences as a child and the wisdom I have gained in life...I agree that it is irresponsible NOT to invade their privacy.



When I think back over my life, I can only wish that my parents were more intimately involved in my personal affairs. Sure I would have rebelled and resented their "snooping" when I was a teenager. I would have given them the lecture about their lack of trust in me. I would have said all those so called "wise" things that teens say like..."If you don't trust me then maybe I should give you a reason not to!" But, I think my life would have turned out so much better if my mom had known that I was thinking about giving myself away to a boy just because I wanted him to "love" me. She could have saved me from running away and getting picked up by a man who wanted to involve me with prostitution. (God saved me from that one!) I put myself in harms way so many times and suffered serious concequences...some of them life long. Maybe some "snooping" could have prevented that. Who knows? I am not living with the regret that these things happened because by God's grace, I finally gave the controls to the ONE who knew me all along and HE was one step ahead of me when my parents werent. I do wish that my mother read my diary. I do wish that I had a dad who looked through my book bag periodically. I was involved with terrible things that they could have protected me from if they hadn't been so blind to the deception of an immature preteen/teenager who just needed some loving interferance and proper direction.



I don't go snooping through my kids things every day. But, if I come across something folded up in a pocket or something that says "Keep Out"...It IS my responsibility to take a look. I have already had some good results come from my "snooping". I have prevented things and I have also been able to talk with my kids about a wrong direction that they are taking. They get angry sometimes that I read what I did, but, today, we are closer and they appreciate that we were able to talk about it. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't check up on one of my children's internet surfing...when that child was in a very dangerous place? I confronted my child. It was tearful and difficult, but, it caused him/her to see the danger and it prevented some serious consequences. I still hold my child accountable in that area because we now both know that there is a weakness that needs to be strengthened and we work on it together.



It's the private places in a child's life that satan invades and corrupts. If a parent is not into the private places, who will help that child to identify the presence of the enemy? God wants us to trust Him in all things...but, He also entrusts His children to us as we raise them. We are accountable to God and we have to be responsible to them...even if it makes for a temporary struggle. The consequences of the alternative can be devastating and permanant. It can leave scars that may never heal. I believe it is wrong to invade somebody's privacy (in most cases)...unless it is your child. It is responsible to let them know that you will be checking up on them. We are all born sinners. We are all easily tempted...especially when we are young and unwise. Children are easily influenced and evil in this world is all around them. The media and secular world of entertainment has gone to hell in a handbasket and it's the biggest influence in the lives of children everywhere. Children will make wrong choices...it's a given.



As parents we have to compete with that influence. We have to be a more powerful influence. I concentrate on trying to be a parent that my kids feel comfortable talking to, but even the best parent cannot get their child to tell them some things. Those are the things they probably need to know the most. As a child grows and learns, they gain the wisdom they need to make right choices. As they get older, perhaps there will be less of a need of interferance. A parent should seek God, use good judgement, and when the time calls for it...responsibly look into their child's "private" affairs. This is truly love. Sometimes it shows great wisdom when you don't trust the judgement of another. We can only completely trust God. Our children need our guidance. How can we give it if we are "trusting" them to use good judgement when they haven't developed the tools or life skills to do so?



I pray that God will guide me in my judgement when I am in a position to read a note or a journal entry and can't decide whether or not I should.