Friday, November 07, 2008

From Death to Life

Hebrews 2: 14- Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. 15 Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.

I have just come out of a place in my life filled with fear, pain, and sorrow. I was enslaved to pride, selfishness, self-pity, self loathing, fear of loss, fear of lonliness, fear of rejection. I wondered how a woman of faith could ever come to be in this position. I doubted my own salvation. I kept trying to fix things, trying to handle situations that God repeatedly told me to let go of and let Him handle. But I thought I knew better.

I am guilty of trying to control and manipulate situations (make no mistake about was situations...not people) that I should have left to God. I just kept making a bigger mess by trying to "do the right thing" when the only right thing was to surrender to Him. I held on to things that were not for me to hold on to. When I don't let go of what I have, I miss out on so much more that He has for me. I know this now.

I am so thankful for my Savior who became human so he could experience death in order to conquer it once and for all. He never had to do that. I don't deserve it and never will. Oh how He loves me! Oh how He loves us! He died to break the power of the devil...who I recently gave some authority in my life. I have been believing lies that He has been pouring into my brain on a daily basis. I gradually became weaker and weaker as I surrendered to emotions and oppression instead of surrendering to my Lord who never left me alone for one second. He stayed there, reaching out to me, waiting...waiting...waiting....for me to surrender all to Him. It is what He died for. He broke the power of death and I felt as if I was dying spiritually...and I must confess, there were a lot of moments where I wanted to die physically. He died to set me free from this but, I just couldn't see it. I couldn't let go. I didn't trust Him or anyone else.

He stepped in at my lowest point. When I was ready and prayed to see Truth (even if I didn't like it), He showed me that I needed to stop looking at others and letting my joy depend on people. I needed to stop pointing my finger at others' flaws and start investigating my own. I needed to stop being a victim of my own selfishness, fear and pride and start trusting Him with the things that seemed to be killing me.

I reached the point of total brokenness and surrender. I finally gave it all over to Him....and He set me free and yes I am free indeed! He embraced the cross he bore for me...and all I must embrace my own cross that causes me to die to myself in order that I might experience the same victory over death that Christ did....and life in Him.

I have been resurrected in a sense...just like the day I got saved. I have died to my old self again. God saved me once..but every time I die to things that need to be gone..I experience new life again. I have died to who I was a few weeks ago and God has brought me to life as a new creation once again. I am changed. I am growing.

I prayed for Him to empty me this year. He told me I was going to go through a season of letting go as a result. I had NOOOO clue what was about to take place. It blindsided me. It was overwhelming and I was NOT prepared for what He was about to do....but He did it. He emptied me....and now has filled me again...with ways He could not before because other things were in the way. I have been restored to grace. I have been born again again...and baptized in the Holy Spirit! I am alive, alive, alive....hallelujah! All praise be to the Lord my God...the King of glory!!!! He loves me...and that IS more than enough!!!!!!

I AM BACK PEOPLE! Wooohoooooo!!!!!!

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