Alone

Yesterday Katie said to me "you like to be alone". It's true. I like to be alone. I don't want to be lonely, but I do like being alone. Not always, but sometimes.

I am rarely alone. I have lived in TN for almost 3 years and in that time I have rarely been alone for an extended period of time. Before I came here, I had only 1 roommate and we shared a living space for about 14 years. She worked a lot, so when I was off work I had a lot of alone time. I enjoyed that time. What did I do with it? Well, I played video games, saw movies, watched tv, listened to music, ran errands, stuff like that. After I became a Christian I cherished my alone time even more because it was great time of worship and prayer.

I remember playing on the computer listening to my worship music and Christian rock on my favorite online radio station. I really enjoyed just doing my own thing and listening to my tunes! Music that glorified God! I prayed a lot. I remember longing for my alone time with Him in my room. I never had to schedule it because I was always alone. Whenever I felt Him leading me, I could go to Him. When I needed Him, I could go to Him.

God has blessed me with a new life. Unfortunately, sometimes I don't think I have adjusted very well. I ache for alone time now. Time to just do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I am free to do whatever, don't get me wrong, but it isn't as easy when other's are around vying for attention. I sometimes feel guilty because I want alone time. I could go off somewhere, but I like being home. I am rarely home. On my days off, I want to be at home.

Home...I love my home. I am relaxed here. I spend 50-60 hours away from home working and travelling to and from. On my days off, I wish to spend them at home. My friend however who is cooped up at home, likes to spend them away from here. We used to love to go to the river on God days. We would spend Wednesdays, my day off, at the Tennessee River. We would worship, pray and do bible study. It was awesome! I wish we could recapture those times! His Spirit was so alive! Today's hectic schedule makes it seem so impossible.

I think I need to be better about making alone time. It isn't just gonna happen anymore. I have to seize it when I can!

It has been difficult being a single woman who went from not much of a life, to a life filled with activity. Kids everywhere wanting this and that, vying for attention. Movie's playing while I'm trying to listen to music. Video Games drowing out everything. Multiple loads of laundry every other day. It's an adjustment! Exciting at first, but the novelty is gone. Now I am still trying to understand what has happened! LOL I can't just get in the car and go anymore...I have to wait until people are ready. I'm not complaining...I really am not. I am simply trying to explain that there is a difference and life today is not what I was used to for so long.

I wouldn't trade what I have now though. God has given me a framily. Why He sought me fit to be in the lives of two growing kids, I don't know. I see my friend Katie being such a mom, a good one too, and I think to myself "I could never do it! This is why God keeps me single!" I can't deal! I think it would be different if I had been around the kids from their infancy, but I was just thrown in! I dove in! I know God wanted me here, but I had noooooooooo ideeeeeeeeeaa! LOL

That's my blog on wanting alone time. I just need recharging time. Heck, Jesus took a lot of it. He was always retreating from the crowds and going off alone, seperate even from the disciples. He used it for worthy causes. I need to do that too!