Tuesday, December 20, 2005


After returning home from my most amazing retreat with my Lord, I found myself laid off. This lasted from the first week of November until yesterday. Surprisingly enough, I had a peace that surpassed all understanding during my time off. I felt that it was necessary and that somehow, God was growing me through this process.

I loved being more available to my family. I was able to cook, clean, and run errands with almost no stress at all. I was able to spend more time with God and re-evaluate my priorities. I got my home in order and decorated for Christmas. I was also more free to reach out to others and volunteer more at church. I even got to decorate the church for Christmas! I headed up the whole thing (because nobody else wanted to..lol). Yep, me and my team of one. Thanks Venice!

I have been dying to reorganize and give our home a deep cleaning and I got to do just that. I felt that my kids were better behaved and my relationship with them as well as God was growing stronger. It was a wonderful experience.

I've only been back to work for 2 days now and I'm already seeing things slip back to what they were before. Having more money, to me isn't worth the sacrifice of quiet time with God and a well run home. But, at the same time, I do have bills to pay. Something needs to be done. I'm really praying for God's wisdom on this. In my heart, I want to be able to be home to serve my family, my church, and our community. But, financially speaking, that's not possible. However, cutting back the hours of work may be something to consider.

It's hard being a single parent. I have a roomy (Hi Sue!)who helps me far and beyond the call of duty. I often wonder how those single moms do it who don't have anybody like Sue to help them.

I can't believe that I'm actually missing being laid off! I don't want to slip back into the stressed out, exhausted, depressed, sad excuse for a mother and Christian that I was before my retreat.

Somehow, I have to find a way to balance time with God, running my home, and having a career because work is not an option for me now. I truly understand how a person gets trapped in an abusive situation, flees, and then returns. It's nearly impossible to make it, especially for women, and even more if those women were homemakers prior to the end of the relationship.

I don't know what I would have done if God hadn't provided a friend to help care for me and my children. What about those who don't have that special friend? Those people work two and three jobs. Their kids are often left to care for themselves and even the parent in some cases. This is such an injustice without an answer...well with the exeption of one possibility....

Father, I lift up all the single parents who are struggling for survival, especially in this season of celebration. I pray that we will turn our eyes to You, and find refuge in the shelter of Your wings! Father, provide our needs and bless us with wisdom and blessings of all kinds as we turn to You. And, Lord, I pray for wisdom to make right choices. I don't want to slip back into the slump You just lifted me out of. Help me to stay focused on You and Your will. I pray that my life will bring You glory. I ask this in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

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