Sunday, October 19, 2008


God is dealing with me on things.

One person said to me yesterday, "Sue, I think God is breaking you."

Another asked me, "Do you pray for brokenness?"

I wonder, does it matter if I pray for it or not? If God is dealing with me, or breaking me, do I need to pray for it? Will He not accomplish breaking me whether or not I pray for it?

I keep getting things coming at me from all directions. There are thoughts and feelings going on in me that I just keep to myself, maybe because there are no words. Maybe because I am denying them. Maybe I am rebelling.

Mostly God is dealing with me in the area of my critical spirit, my judgmental attitude, my murmuring. Unfortunately, in the process it seems like it has intensified and my heart is unsettled, making me even more irritable.

Someone gave me a spiritual excercise to do when I feel the criticism welling inside me. It is not easy. It might actually be more difficult than enduring physical therapy, which anyone that knows me understands that is a HUGE statement.

When I feel the judgmental attitude stirred I am supposed to STOP! and then immediately ask God to realign my heart. I am to look at that situation and thank God for some aspect of it. The example given to me was if a driver runs the red light at an intersection and nearly hits me, as soon as I start thinking "That jerk! blah blah blah!" I'm to stop, ask God to realign my heart and thank Him for protecting me from an accident.

It is so much easier said than done.

One of the reasons Katie thinks we aren't getting along is because God has given her the responsibility of holding me accountable. She is helping me with this exercise and points out to me when my attitude needs realigned.

Do you know how many times this is? LOL It is a lot! Unfortunately. As a result, I get "snippy". She really shouldn't take it personally though, because it is difficult to have sin pointed out. I'm really feeling like filthy rags these days.

Just on our way to and from dinner she pointed things out. I get frustrated with myself. I really don't think I realized how bad my attitude had gotten!

I will get through this. God is breaking me and on the other side, He will be glorified.

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