Didn't have time to write yesterday...didn't really have a serious quiet time although I did converse with my Father throughout the day. So, this is why the days are combined. It is funny how God speaks to you in the strangest things...most unlikely moments. Today, as I was walking and He was ministering to me through Rebecca St. James' "The Cradle Song"...of all songs. (I have had it for years but never really listened and it was so appropriate for the need this morning.) Here are the words..
Jesus I love You my Lord my life
Where would I be without You
Here in the quiet, the still the night
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Jesus I love You my Lord my life
Where would I be without You
Here in the quiet, the still the nightI am in awe of You
Why would You, Creator and King,
Come as a baby for all, for me
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You I am in awe of You
I want to be in awe of Him like that! I have suffered a huge blow in the area of relationships recently...and the pain has been overwhelming at times. But when I stand in awe of Him...I can't feel anything but ultimate joy, perfect peace, and complete love...and I can see how He has blessed me beyond what I thought I had lost.
But what I am about to write is the unusual part. As I was walking (and lost in the moment), I saw a garbage truck and remembered that I forgot to put the can out! So my walk became a run as I jogged back to the house...then walked...then jogged...then walked really fast and stopped jogging altogether because I am old and out of shape. I made it in time to add some trash to the can that I put out. As I opened the lid of the garbage can, at the very top, I found an old sermon notes page I had thrown away while cleaning my office. It was from many years ago....August 20, 1995 to be exact. On the page were written these words:
Wow! GOD SPOKE TO ME ABOUT MY GARBAGE FROM MY GARBAGE!
At the time the note was written I was unknowingly living in an abusive situation. My children were just babies. I didn't know how bad it was or how much worse it was going to get... but I hurt so bad in my heart all the time. I am not sure what exactly was going on on August 20, 1995, but I do know this, God spoke to my hurts that day. He spoke truth that breathed life into my weary soul. He gave me love and hope. I know this because I recorded the words He spoke. If I didn't believe and didn't receive hope, I would never have written them down to remind me....little did I know the reminder would come 15 years, new heartaches, a new wonderful husband, and two amazing adult children later.
He really did bring blessings from those trials...and they have really changed me. Now, I am trying to heal from new wounds from broken relationships...relationships that I treasured. History often repeats itself in new ways with new people through different circumstances..funny how that is...but this time I am different. I know I am very blessed and I am really growing to love my new life and seeing God's hand prints all around all the time. But I really have to watch my thought life and try not to miss the blessings because I keep looking back, missing the blessings that I have before me. I keep desiring to focus on the pain that just won't seem to subside...instead of focusing on the One who is my only hope of deliverance and complete healing. Or, this may be the thorn I carry for the rest of my life to remind me that people can never take God's place in my heart.
I keep seeing other people as enemies, betrayers, deceivers. I even see myself as my own worst enemy. In a way I am...apart from God. The only deceiver is satan and I can allow myself to be deceived or I can listen to the Voice of Truth that tells me a different story. People aren't my enemies...but my brothers and sisters in Christ have the same enemy I do...working on them daily. His plan is to divide the body of Christ. His work is focused in the church. God calls me to pray for those I see as enemies....and He calls me to do this because they need it as much as I do. They fall prey to the same deceptions from the master deceiver. They face the same battle I fight daily...the battle to put self on a pedestal and to look out for number one. We battle to be looked upon well by others when we should only seek God's approval. The enemy's plan is to confuse us and turn us against each other...and he has been doing this well for centuries. I think his ultimate weapon is pride. It is in our nature to exalt ourselves and the only way to overcome is to exalt God.
In our best effort and strongest moment as humans we fail to give God the glory and honor He alone deserves. Our only hope is Jesus Christ, His Son. We must choose to receive Him as Lord of our life. We have to take off the crown of glory we have bestowed upon ourselves and place it where it belongs...on the King of Kings.
Here in the quiet, the still the night
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Jesus I love You my Lord my life
Where would I be without You
Here in the quiet, the still the nightI am in awe of You
Why would You, Creator and King,
Come as a baby for all, for me
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You I am in awe of You
I want to be in awe of Him like that! I have suffered a huge blow in the area of relationships recently...and the pain has been overwhelming at times. But when I stand in awe of Him...I can't feel anything but ultimate joy, perfect peace, and complete love...and I can see how He has blessed me beyond what I thought I had lost.
But what I am about to write is the unusual part. As I was walking (and lost in the moment), I saw a garbage truck and remembered that I forgot to put the can out! So my walk became a run as I jogged back to the house...then walked...then jogged...then walked really fast and stopped jogging altogether because I am old and out of shape. I made it in time to add some trash to the can that I put out. As I opened the lid of the garbage can, at the very top, I found an old sermon notes page I had thrown away while cleaning my office. It was from many years ago....August 20, 1995 to be exact. On the page were written these words:
"Katrina,
Just a reminder...I know how you are feeling and I am with you. Remember to lay down your burdens at my feet and I will take them from you. I will never leave you. Remember also as you are suffering that these trials will soon become blessings because through these trials I am making you more like Me! There is nothing material that can give you the peace that you will have through Me. Pray and read My Word. Lean on Me.
Love, God"
Wow! GOD SPOKE TO ME ABOUT MY GARBAGE FROM MY GARBAGE!
He really did bring blessings from those trials...and they have really changed me. Now, I am trying to heal from new wounds from broken relationships...relationships that I treasured. History often repeats itself in new ways with new people through different circumstances..funny how that is...but this time I am different. I know I am very blessed and I am really growing to love my new life and seeing God's hand prints all around all the time. But I really have to watch my thought life and try not to miss the blessings because I keep looking back, missing the blessings that I have before me. I keep desiring to focus on the pain that just won't seem to subside...instead of focusing on the One who is my only hope of deliverance and complete healing. Or, this may be the thorn I carry for the rest of my life to remind me that people can never take God's place in my heart.
I keep seeing other people as enemies, betrayers, deceivers. I even see myself as my own worst enemy. In a way I am...apart from God. The only deceiver is satan and I can allow myself to be deceived or I can listen to the Voice of Truth that tells me a different story. People aren't my enemies...but my brothers and sisters in Christ have the same enemy I do...working on them daily. His plan is to divide the body of Christ. His work is focused in the church. God calls me to pray for those I see as enemies....and He calls me to do this because they need it as much as I do. They fall prey to the same deceptions from the master deceiver. They face the same battle I fight daily...the battle to put self on a pedestal and to look out for number one. We battle to be looked upon well by others when we should only seek God's approval. The enemy's plan is to confuse us and turn us against each other...and he has been doing this well for centuries. I think his ultimate weapon is pride. It is in our nature to exalt ourselves and the only way to overcome is to exalt God.
In our best effort and strongest moment as humans we fail to give God the glory and honor He alone deserves. Our only hope is Jesus Christ, His Son. We must choose to receive Him as Lord of our life. We have to take off the crown of glory we have bestowed upon ourselves and place it where it belongs...on the King of Kings.
We shouldn't expect others to take notice of our good deeds...or then we have our reward. I want my reward to come from the Father. I want to hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant". I want to get to a place where how others look upon me is not a concern of mine and the deeds that I do are for HIS glory alone. These trials in my life...these excruciating, difficult, heart wrenching trials...they are the key to being emptied of myself and filled with Him. For this reason I can praise Him in the midst of it all.
He takes away anything that I exalt above Him...and this is for my good. My God is a jealous God...jealous FOR me. He wants me to worship Him because He is perfect and Holy and He is Everything I need to experience an overabundance of blessing, peace, rest, joy, and love. As long as there is one ounce of selfishness motivating me...I will need trials. The fire purifies.
This is why God commands me to love Him first...and why this is the greatest commandment of all. Apart from this, I can do nothing...I have nothing. Apart from this, everything in life is meaningless...a chasing after the wind.
Love God
He takes away anything that I exalt above Him...and this is for my good. My God is a jealous God...jealous FOR me. He wants me to worship Him because He is perfect and Holy and He is Everything I need to experience an overabundance of blessing, peace, rest, joy, and love. As long as there is one ounce of selfishness motivating me...I will need trials. The fire purifies.
This is why God commands me to love Him first...and why this is the greatest commandment of all. Apart from this, I can do nothing...I have nothing. Apart from this, everything in life is meaningless...a chasing after the wind.
Love God
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Can't wait for the books! Especially with writing like, "as I jogged back to the house...then walked...then jogged...then walked really fast and stopped jogging altogether because I am old and out of shape..." LOLOL
ReplyDelete"Wow! GOD SPOKE TO ME ABOUT MY GARBAGE FROM MY GARBAGE!" HAHAHAHAAAA! You have a way with words!
But, beyond the humor that I see in this, the post is very insightful and full of truth. You are an amazing woman, Katie, and I'm so glad you are my friend. :)
Thank you, Sue.
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