Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Living the Call Day 14 - His Love is Amazing!

Author: Katie

Mark 12: 29-30
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

I'm sitting here staring at my laptop wondering where to begin. I'm not sure what I am supposed to be writing. I only know that I am taken aback by God's presence today. I'm not sure what triggered the event or if anything did. God can choose to pour Himself out on anyone He pleases at anytime. I know it's nothing I have done or can do other than make myself available. He just chooses to lavish Himself on us his own good pleasure. He pours Himself into my life and smiles as He sees me overwhelmed by His presence!

As I am really focusing on Mark 12 and loving God, more and more I am becoming less and He is becoming greater in my life. More and more I am realizing how little I have to do for Him and how much more He wants to do through me. More and more I am realizing how little I have control over and I have no choice but to surrender to Him. More and more I am realizing how much of me still needs to be emptied...and how much more of me there is for Him to fill. THAT'S IT! That's what has me fired up! I have learned not to focus on how much of me is still in need of emptying...but on how much of me there is left for God to fill! Ha! Whatsoever things are excellent or praiseworthy (Phil 4:8)!!! This is why I want to take my enthusiast self to the top of the highest mountain and shout to all the world, "What is wrong with you people? Do you know what you are missing?"

More and more I am losing touch with carnal desires and finding myself focused on the eternal. More and more I want to lay down my life for His purpose. More and more I am learning to hate the self-centered part of me...and finding myself drawn to the God focused part of me. As all of these things take place, I am finally seeing myself through God's eyes...and loving who I am in Him. I am seeing myself through Christ and in Christ and the self-esteem issues are becoming less of an issue. I keep asking myself, "Why would God call me to build up women who have a low self-esteem when I have such a low opinion of myself?" I considered myself a hypocrite and felt powerless. Apart from Him...those are my best traits! Apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15:5) but in Him I can do all things (Phil. 4:13).

God has searched the deepest places in my heart over the last several years. He has been sifting me. It has been excruciating. It has been what I have prayed for by His lead. I have asked Him to empty me. He led me to this prayer because it is necessary for these things to happen...in order that He might fulfill His purpose in me. This is the good that God speaks of in Romans 8:28.

Several years ago I was led to pray Philippians 4:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death." Oh my goodness! There is so much meat right there in just one scripture! I could write a book on it! There is so much to understand! I couldn't possibly put it all in one blog! But for starters, I have pondered, what does fellowship of sharing in His sufferings mean?

God just moved in my heart to pause for a moment and read Philippians 4. He stopped me at Philippians 4:17, "Not that I seek the gift, but that I seek the fruit that abounds to your account" (another blog). As I searched the commentary for this particular verse I was drawn back to verse 11 and felt led to pray. With fear in my heart (which God had already spoken to me about in Phil. 4:6) I began to pray. I was led to ask God to teach me to be content with anything, to live above things, to be unaffected by my circumstances. After seeing what happened when I prayed to be emptied and to know Christ and the power of the fellowship of the sufferings several years ago, I was a bit nervous. But, then I confessed to Him, "My prayers will not bring about circumstances. You move me to pray about these things because of circumstances that you have already put into place. For this I praise you! You are preparing me and providing for me in advance that you might be glorified in and through what is to come! I am a cracked pot, a vessel fit for your presence. I am broken, yet You are able to remake me and fill me to overflowing!"

The truth God has spoken to my heart in this moment is that my prayers are preparation for what is to come as I become like Christ through rising above circumstances and having contentment in them. This is the fellowship with Christ I have through sharing in His sufferings. This is how Paul was able to praise God and witness in the midst of the worst circumstances. This is being emptied. This is loving God.

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