Thursday, September 18, 2008


God is alive and He is concerned with every aspect of every life. I can feel Him again. I have been emptied. I have let go...and now I do believe I feel His filling. It's so late and I am so tired that I can't write it all down. But, I have finally been able to let go of the things I have been holding on to..things God told me months ago that He would ask me to let go of. I had to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. When I did...something inside changed. I felt lighter and I began to breathe easier. He told me that freedom would come when I let go and that I needed to trust Him but I couldn't. So, He emptied me so completely until I had no other thing to do but relinquish what I held so dear. In doing so, I am finding myself free from the bondage I alone got myself into.

So much is so clear to me now. I feel life and breath and the things that were hurting me so bad don't hurt anymore. The problems that were there are still there...but they just aren't a problem for me. I realize that I can't change my circumstances. I can't change others. I can only change me and how I respond to the circumstances. I didn't know how to change myself or how to stop responding the way I was. But I kept praying and so many prayer warriors have been carrying me through this. I felt so alone even though I knew I wasn't..and I wasn't. So many have been praying and last night was an incredible time of prayer. Somebody has been doing battle through intercession on my behalf and I want to praise God for you right now. Keep praying. The battle isn't over but I can say this...I feel much stronger and able to fight harder now than before.

I felt like I had lost everything but when I realized I couldn't save it...I accepted the loss. Then, all of a sudden, it just didn't matter anymore. I thought I was losing my best friend for life. Now, it's okay. Because I am focused...and I can only lose what the Father takes from me. It all belongs to Him anyhow.

Now, I am ready to surrender to what He wants instead of what I think I deserve. I have a ways to go but I think I will get there. I have tossed the idols. I can see my Father's face and I can see my reflection in His eyes. I have hope now.

I will go home soon. My prayer now is that I won't lose focus in the midst of my every day life. I want this testimony of God to live on.

Lord, help me to fulfill the committments I have made today...the committment to love you and to love others and put self on a shelf.

Father, show me Your glory!

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