Unforgiveness

This blog is one in which I risk being transparent. Recent events in my life have caused me to see a place in my heart that can become very dark very quickly. This is the place where I find jealousy, envy and selfishness that quickly turns bitter. It's the place that makes me see the reality of my humanness and my need for a merciful, loving Savior. I feel justified in my sin...even entitled to hold a grudge. I spend my days thinking of reasons why I have a right to feel this way...how I have been treated so thoughtlessly, carelessly, judgementally, or without any consideration at all. ( I am not speaking of one particular incident here). I have been shafted, mistreated, treated unfairly, or rudely and I AM ENTITLED TO WALLOW AND HOLD A BITTER GRUDGE!!!! So there you have it....transparency. I am human. I am a sinner....and I am forgiven. So, why do I struggle to forgive?

During my devotion time, I read a book called Power Prayers to Start Your Day by Donna K. Maltese. In it she writes, "It has been said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the offender to die". I never looked at it like that before and it helped me see my attitude in a much different light.

Unforgiveness does nothing to the offender and accomplishes nothing positive at all...ever. It only eats away at the human soul like a cancer. Normally I am quick to forgive those who offend me, but this one particulart time I was really caught off guard and knocked for a loop! I was swallowed up by envy and jealousy so quickly that I didn't even see it coming and I'm still working hard to overcome. God is so patient and so good. I am so blessed that He still loves me and gently chastises me back into His grace.

Maltese goes on futher to say, "When you release the wrongdoer from your wrath, you cut a malignant tumor out of your own life. You set a prisoner free...and discover that the prisoner you freed was yourself."

There have been many times I have granted forgiveness to those who have offended me ...without batting an eye. I can let things go and give them to God. Why is this time so much harder? Is it because of the value of the treasure I stood to lose? Maybe that's what makes a difference. One thing I know I've learned is that any treasure I have been given is a gift from God. I need not worship the treasure over the Giver and that is what I have been doing. I am the one in need of forgiveness and grace. I have chosen to turn from God in my wasted efforts to hold tight to the gift He gave me and call it MINE MINE MINE! May He have mercy on me.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins"- Mark 11:25 NIV

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. - Proverbs 28:13 NLT

This is my confession.