Mary, my assistant manager is a bit high strung...ok, A LOT high strung. She has a tendency to react to things without thinking, and at times this has led her into situations she was unprepared for. It has never been anything serious. You need to understand that Mary is also gullible. The staff has fun teasing her with different things and watching her overreact. It's usually very funny!
If you read this blog with any regularity, you probably already know that at my store, we are also a Ticketmaster outlet. I hate Ticketmaster. The reason I hate it is because the phone rings off the hook all with people asking for ticket info. It is annoying because we are an outlet, therefore a "walk-in" service only. We don't sell over the phone, so we do not answer specific questions about events over the phone, and we hardly make any money on the whole deal anyway. Ticketmaster is very time consuming as people want to pick just the right seat and sometimes it takes "forever". I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I really hate "on sale" days. These are days that tickets go on sale for a particular artist. Popular artist obviously draw a crowd and on those days we have lines of people to deal with. It is usually very frantic and can become rather stressful.
This week we had an employee issue which left us short staffed. I am on vacation as of an hour ago. YAY! Anyway, Mary is scheduled to open tomorrow. One of the new hires is going to work an open to close shift to help out. He is rather inexperienced at Ticketmaster so having an onsale tomorrow wouldn't be a good thing....but it sure would be fun to make Mary think there was going to be a huge "on sale"!
My associate and I decided it would be fun if R. Kelly tickets went on sale tomorrow. We plotted how to go about making it seem real and so I told Mary that I was somewhat concerned about tomorrow morning. She asked why and so I told her that people have been coming in telling me that the radio is announcing an R. Kelly concert in Memphis and tickets are going on sale tomorrow. Mary said "OH MY GOSH! NO! Well, I will handle it." So, while she did have a bit a reaction, it wasn't what I'd hope for. I reminded her that she is opening with the new guy. She got a little more concerned, but was determined to make it through ok. Then, Misty, my associate upped the ante by telling Mary "George Strait tickets go onsale at noon tomorrow. "Oh that'll be fun" I said, and Mary had a slightly bigger reaction to that.
I said "I dunno Mary, maybe I should postpone leaving on vacation for a couple hours?" and she again reassured me it was going to be alright. I pushed her on it a bit more and she snapped back... "Sue, it's going to be alright. We can handle this." I said "think about the type of crowd you are going to have here Mary...could be some "thug types" for R. Kelly, and then those rednecks will be comin' in for George Strait". She said "I can handle rednecks, and thugs? Well, I know thugs, and I can be a thug right back!" LOL
She continue as she began to go off ranting..."and another thing! I am on a new diet pill (I have no clue what that has to do with anything, but that's Mary) and I smoke! I will be okay!"
It seems Mary was convinced that all would be okay. Misty and I still weren't satisfied. We were surprised that she simply took our word for things and never went over to the Ticketmaster computer to look this info up for herself, but that is what was making it fun. I decided it was time for the new hire, Cali, to have a little fender bender that caused him to miss work tonight and tomorrow. She was closing with him tonight, and he was going to be there for the massive "on sale" tomorrow.
Well, we never got around to Cali calling off. Instead, I had a scathingly brilliant idea! What if the power went out tomorrow? Right in time for the on sale? Muhahahahahah! *evil grin
I mentioned it to Misty who nodded her approval so I headed off to the backroom computer to type up a memo from the mall office:
Memo: All merchants
Re: Planned power outage
Please be advised that due to problems with the electric grid in this area,
which has been causing the recent power outages at the mall and surrounding
areas, the Jackson Energy Authority will be replacing a transformer. This
work will cause the power to the mall to be out on Saturday, August 14 from
5:00am to approximately 10:00am.
The mall will not be open until power is restored, but the JEA has
reassured us that the work should be completed by 10:00, normal mall opening
time. We realize that some merchants require some additional opening time,
but we are asking that preparations be made so that all merchants can be open
for business no later than 10:15am.
We apologize for any inconvenience,
Mall Management
Now, this letter was typed onto a blank white sheet so there was no official mall letterhead. I also used Mary's home phone number as the contact number in the heading. I thought it would be obvious that this was a joke.
Now, how were we going to get Mary to read it and be inconspicous about it? I played it up. Mary was checking out a customer at the counter and I acted as though someone from outside the store was trying to get my attention. That "person" would be outside Mary's line of vision. I went outside of the store entrance, and then re-entered with the false memo in hand. Like I do with mall memos, I casually tossed it onto the counter without paying it much attention. Mary finished with her customer, and then noticed the memo on the counter.
I was having a hard time keeping a straight face, so I went and hid behind a browser. Then I heard Mary exclaim "OH MY GOD!" and I busted out, doubled over behind a bin, out of her line of sight. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I stood up after I regained composure and Mary said "Sue, did you see this?" I shrugged, "eh, it's a mall memo. I never pay attention much to those."
"Uh, uhhh, this one is something to pay attention to."
"What?" I asked.
"Read it."
So I began to read it and said "Yay! They are finally doing something about the power. You know, that whole side of the mall was dark again last night."
"LOOK AT THE TIMES!"
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Why would they do that on a Saturday morning?"
Mary screams "BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID, THAT'S WHY! I'M CALLING DOWN THERE! NO! I'M GOING DOWN THERE!"
(Mary was upset because the mall opens at 10:00am and this could delay things. What complicates matters is that the "R. Kelly tickets go onsale" at 10am and people start lining up at 9am. At 10:00, when tickets go on sale, the people will demand tickets! Not being open on time could be a very very very bad thing!)
So, Mary was hot under the collar and fuming mad! She was sooooo ticked! I said "calm down, just call" (I was attempting to focus her attention on the phone number, so she would notice it was her own number and realize the joke was on her.)
"NO! I'M GOING TO TALK TO THE MALL MANAGER!"
And off she went...with memo in hand, down to the mall office.
The next bit of the story is Mary's version of what happened next.
She marched into the mall office where she was greeted by the polite receptionist. Mary said "I want to talk to Bill (mall mgr.)."
"Ummm, I'll have to check to see if he is in."
"I KNOW HE IS IN, I SAW HIS CAR HERE TODAY, I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW!"
The polite receptionist was somewhat puzzled by the anger in Mary's voice and went to tell Bill that Mary was here to see him.
"Mary, FYE Mary?" he asked.
"Yes, and she doesn't seem too happy at the moment."
So Mary met with Bill and waved the memo in his face going off on how stupid this was. Bill was unaware of the memo and said so.
"What do you mean you don't know? You manage the mall don't you?" and he denied knowing anything about it.
He immediately inquired of his staff and no one knew anything. He demanded to see the "sign-off sheet". (When important memos are circulated, each merchant has to sign indicating receipt.) There wasn't a sign off sheet!
Mary continued ranting "I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOES ON AROUND HERE BUT THERE'S TOO MANY MONKEYS IN THE KITCHEN!" LOL Whatever that means! LOL
She really gave Bill a very hard time. He was confused and quite concerned about the memo. He immediately called the Jackson Energy Authority to ask about the planned power outage.
Meanwhile, I'm back at the store wondering what on earth was taking Mary so long. I theorized that she was plotting a payback and that she was going to come back all angry at me and embarrassed that she gave Bill such a hard time. I was starting to feel like maybe the joke got a little out of hand. I had no idea of what was about to take place.
She finally came back to the store and explained that "THIS MALL IS OUT OF CONTROL! BILL HAS NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM AND WHEN HE CALLED THE JEA, THEY GOT ALL FREAKED OUT AND CALLED THE JPD! (Jackson Police Department)"
"WHAT?!?" I yelled!
"Yes! They think it could be an attack on the power grid and the JEA has been told to report anything suspicious!"
"You are kidding!" (I was thinking this was the attempt at a payback)
"NO I'M NOT! BILL IS CALLING THAT NUMBER ON THE MEMO RIGHT NOW!"
"Ummmm, Mary, did you look at that number?"
She replied "no".
"Look at it"
Perplexed, she responds, "Hey,...ummmm... that's my number!"
She was so confused. Then it dawned on her it WAS all a joke! She said "OH MY GOSH! THE JPD HAS BEEN CALLED! JEA IS PLANNING TO HAVE ARMED GUARDS PROTECTING THE SUBSTATIONS TOMORROW MORNING!"
That was ALL REAL!
So, Mary called Bill and explained the joke and then the calls had to be made to the JEA and the police. Oh my! I had NO IDEA it was going to go that far.
But, the JEA still felt uneasy and reported the incident. They had to be talked out of the whole thing. Apparantly the authorities were notified thirty days ago to report suspicious activity, expecially "threats" to the power grids.
I can't believe my practical joke almost raised the terror alert level!
I was laughing so hard. I can't believe that she fell for all of that!
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