In my previous posts I have shared a journey from brokenness to restoration, from devastation to wholeness, from ashes to beauty. Here is the final post....
Three days ago, I completed my bachelor's degree at the top of my class and received an achievement award and a leadership award. I am not saying these things to brag on myself (okay, well, maybe just a little). However, this has only bee possible because of God's provision along with hard work and the sacrifice of many. He provided my best friend who has sacrificed more than I can ever repay. He provided my church, other good friends and mentors who have helped me through difficult times emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
Ten years ago my life was in utter destruction. Today, I am about to have a brand new beginning once again. This time however, my life is moving from glory to glory. I am a new person with a new family (so to speak). I have grown so much in my walk with Him, as a woman, homemaker, provider, and a mom. I have watched my kids grow into beautiful young adults.
Now, I am undergoing a crisis of belief as God is once again stretching me. He is taking me out of my comfort zone. It's time for me to dive in like Sue did years ago. I can only hope she has been half as blessed as I have been over the last 10 years...in spite of all the very difficult trials that had to be endured (some of them actually even appear funny looking back).
Now God is moving again. He is calling me and my daughter away from the place I have called home for the last decade..and from the state that has been my home for more than 25 years. This time He is calling me to the very same people who stepped in and took my kids every other weekend when they were small (to model a Christian marriage/family and to give mom a day off). This family has shared Thanksgiving dinner with us almost every year for the last 9 years. Our kids became best friends. Now, they have invited me and my daughter to temporarily reside with them in Atlanta as they assist us in gaining complete independence.
This is very frightening to me and a huge leap of faith. It is a very difficult move as I am happy in my current place of residence with my best friend for life. I will miss so much and my heart breaks at the thought of leaving. But, I must follow God's lead. If I have learned anything over the years, I have learned that God's way is truly best and when I try to do it my way...I get in a mess!
So, in summary...I started from a life of dysfunction, co-dependence, feelings of worthlessness, ignorance, and brokenness. I had two children who had no hope for a future the way things were going. God made it possible for me to raise those 2 children to be strong, healthy young adults (in spite of being a single mom with little education). He has taught me how to be a good mother (by surrounding me with healthy, strong, Godly people and sending my son strong male role models to provide the masculine influence that I couldn't). He has given me opportunities to be a minister to those who's shoes I once walked in. He has given me the opportunity to graduate from college (and I am not finished yet by the way...there has been talk of seminary in Atlanta). He has given my kids opportunities beyond anything they could have been afforded apart from Him. More and more I am beginning to stand on my own two feet financially and in every other way. He has humbled me. He has grown me deeper in my walk with Him. He has given me vision. He has given me and my family beauty from the ashes. Has worked everything out for good for my framily that loves Him and is called according to His purpose. He has given us a new life. He has given us esteem. He has given us dignity and worth in Him. Look what God has done!
The price was heavy. There were times of deep suffering and despair...all for His glory and I praise Him! And the story is still being written!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Look What God has Done! Part 2
In the first portion of this blog, I shared about how God sent me my best friend and Sister in Christ to help me rebuild a lifetime of destruction....Now, as the late Paul Harvey would say...I bring you...."The rest of the story"
.....I tried working in hopes to get my mind off of the brokenness I was suffering and have an income to help pay the bills. It was a nightmare. I was unable to come out ahead after paying the sitter and gas. I couldn't find a good babysitter and there was always trouble. I could only work part-time and make minimum wage. I started on Welfare and medicaid. I was very dependent on others to help me in so many ways because I was unable to help myself. God provided.
When child support seemed to be coming in regularly, God opened the door for me to attend college full time. I received my associate's degree with honors in 2004. I began working part-time again because my kids still needed me at home. I also kept the house running full-time while running around to church activities, camps, soccer practices, play practices, basketball practices, PTA meetings, and so much more. All of this running around and involvement with my kids was possible because my best friend believed that my kids needed their mom and did everything she could to help.
I volunteered with a local abuse recovery program for almost 5 years and ended up with a few surprising public speaking engagements as a result. God used me so unexpectedly and has brought so many into my life who's shoes I have worn out myself in the past. I know their pain. I understand their struggle and what they need more than anything is for somebody to understand...and offer them hope. I can do that now.
After getting my first degree, I decided I wanted to explore some culture. When I was in school I began painting. It came so easy. I never knew I had it in me. Shortly after that I was getting paid to paint murals in a local school. I also became active in community theater, landing a couple of decent roles in musicals. All along, Sue had begun playing in the symphony and I had my first experience with that as a guest of the orchestra! I also ended up seated at the table with a state representative! Oh the pleasures I have been indulged with...the plunder...that my loving Father just gave me. It all belongs to Him!
With each passing year, God has chosen a particular area, a focus in my life to stretch and grow me and my framily. Through all of it He was also growing Sue by leaps and bounds as well (and I promise you..it did not come easy)! There were so many dark times...times of utter hopelessness and despair. So many people with opinions tearing us down at every turn. But we continued to trudge through. Sue stuck with us through the worst of times....determined to see us grow.
In 2007, God called the kids and I on our first overseas mission trip. He provided for us to go and have the experience of a lifetime in Albania! I always knew I was called to missions...but my whole family? That in itself is another blog entirely! We got to minister in prisons and in neighborhoods; and ministries continue to grow from our time there. There are people and faces from that trip that I will never forget.
In the fall of 2007, I got my first full-time position and began going to school again. I was able to secure medical insurance and get off of government assistance. Shortly after I began working on my bachelor's degree, I fell into a great opportunity to do what I had always wanted to do. I began working as a ministry assistant in a local church. It was a step up from where I had been..towards the place where God is still taking me.
In 2008, My son graduated from High School, a strong Christian young man who received a standing ovation at his graduation for enlisting to serve our country. In December of 2008, he graduated Navy boot camp as the head of his division. His title: Recruit Petty Officer in Charge. There are no words to describe the pride and thankfulness that overwhelmed me in that moment!
My daughter is currently a lifeguard part-time. She has had the opportunity to save a life...and even rescue a few triathlon victims! Oh the stories she can tell! I am such a proud mom! She is a hard worker. She is an excellent college bound student getting excellent grades in advanced classes. This is all because of God's provision for both of my kids to attend a good Christian school...when it should not have been possible. He provided Sue, my church family, a job for me, and scholarships for my kids. It is a miracle that has taken place for 4 years now.
Read about the latest news in my nest and final post on what God has done.
.....I tried working in hopes to get my mind off of the brokenness I was suffering and have an income to help pay the bills. It was a nightmare. I was unable to come out ahead after paying the sitter and gas. I couldn't find a good babysitter and there was always trouble. I could only work part-time and make minimum wage. I started on Welfare and medicaid. I was very dependent on others to help me in so many ways because I was unable to help myself. God provided.
When child support seemed to be coming in regularly, God opened the door for me to attend college full time. I received my associate's degree with honors in 2004. I began working part-time again because my kids still needed me at home. I also kept the house running full-time while running around to church activities, camps, soccer practices, play practices, basketball practices, PTA meetings, and so much more. All of this running around and involvement with my kids was possible because my best friend believed that my kids needed their mom and did everything she could to help.
I volunteered with a local abuse recovery program for almost 5 years and ended up with a few surprising public speaking engagements as a result. God used me so unexpectedly and has brought so many into my life who's shoes I have worn out myself in the past. I know their pain. I understand their struggle and what they need more than anything is for somebody to understand...and offer them hope. I can do that now.
After getting my first degree, I decided I wanted to explore some culture. When I was in school I began painting. It came so easy. I never knew I had it in me. Shortly after that I was getting paid to paint murals in a local school. I also became active in community theater, landing a couple of decent roles in musicals. All along, Sue had begun playing in the symphony and I had my first experience with that as a guest of the orchestra! I also ended up seated at the table with a state representative! Oh the pleasures I have been indulged with...the plunder...that my loving Father just gave me. It all belongs to Him!
With each passing year, God has chosen a particular area, a focus in my life to stretch and grow me and my framily. Through all of it He was also growing Sue by leaps and bounds as well (and I promise you..it did not come easy)! There were so many dark times...times of utter hopelessness and despair. So many people with opinions tearing us down at every turn. But we continued to trudge through. Sue stuck with us through the worst of times....determined to see us grow.
In 2007, God called the kids and I on our first overseas mission trip. He provided for us to go and have the experience of a lifetime in Albania! I always knew I was called to missions...but my whole family? That in itself is another blog entirely! We got to minister in prisons and in neighborhoods; and ministries continue to grow from our time there. There are people and faces from that trip that I will never forget.
In the fall of 2007, I got my first full-time position and began going to school again. I was able to secure medical insurance and get off of government assistance. Shortly after I began working on my bachelor's degree, I fell into a great opportunity to do what I had always wanted to do. I began working as a ministry assistant in a local church. It was a step up from where I had been..towards the place where God is still taking me.
In 2008, My son graduated from High School, a strong Christian young man who received a standing ovation at his graduation for enlisting to serve our country. In December of 2008, he graduated Navy boot camp as the head of his division. His title: Recruit Petty Officer in Charge. There are no words to describe the pride and thankfulness that overwhelmed me in that moment!
My daughter is currently a lifeguard part-time. She has had the opportunity to save a life...and even rescue a few triathlon victims! Oh the stories she can tell! I am such a proud mom! She is a hard worker. She is an excellent college bound student getting excellent grades in advanced classes. This is all because of God's provision for both of my kids to attend a good Christian school...when it should not have been possible. He provided Sue, my church family, a job for me, and scholarships for my kids. It is a miracle that has taken place for 4 years now.
Read about the latest news in my nest and final post on what God has done.
Look What God has Done!
Almost 10 years ago I met my current best friend. She had just become a Christian (April 4, 1999). I was about to celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary...the date that I sent out a prayer request all over the World Wide Web. I was about to learn that God's thoughts and ways are not like mine.
During this time, my life was a dysfunctional mess. I was very co-dependent and living an an abusive environment. I was a stay-at-home mom with two young children, trying to figure out how I would ever escape the muck and mire of a dysfunctional life.
A newborn Christian named Sue responded to my desperate internet plea for my situation. She began to carry a burden for my family that she still carries even today. God made a heart connection that day that began her walk with a BIG BANG! Shortly thereafter, he began to lay it on Sue's heart to move to TN so He could use her in a decade of stretching, molding, and growing for both of us that, at times has been extremely painful to endure.
The marriage did not survive as Sue and I thought it would. We thought that God brought Sue here to help win my husband to Christ and therefore restore my marriage. It seemed logical. But my spouse's heart was hard against God. Instead, of seeing restoration, Sue ended up sacrificing her life to missions...a mission from God to help me rebuild places long devastated. Sue stepped in, willing to suffer with me, the consequences of my bad choices...to help me turn my life around...and so it has...completely.
When we met, although I was so happy in our friendship, I was a dysfunctional broken mess from a lifetime of wrong living and following poor examples. I had been a Christian and attended church faithfully and actively for most of my marriage. But, I was so naive...so broken and beaten down. I had only a high school diploma, no understanding of right living, no work experience for over a decade and two children to nurture, with little constructive guidance on parenting.
Although the divorce left a huge mark of failure for a very long time, God began restoring me right from the start. First, He provided us with a home. Sue and I and the kids moved in together and thus the word Framily was born (friend + family).
Read more about this in my next post.
During this time, my life was a dysfunctional mess. I was very co-dependent and living an an abusive environment. I was a stay-at-home mom with two young children, trying to figure out how I would ever escape the muck and mire of a dysfunctional life.
A newborn Christian named Sue responded to my desperate internet plea for my situation. She began to carry a burden for my family that she still carries even today. God made a heart connection that day that began her walk with a BIG BANG! Shortly thereafter, he began to lay it on Sue's heart to move to TN so He could use her in a decade of stretching, molding, and growing for both of us that, at times has been extremely painful to endure.
The marriage did not survive as Sue and I thought it would. We thought that God brought Sue here to help win my husband to Christ and therefore restore my marriage. It seemed logical. But my spouse's heart was hard against God. Instead, of seeing restoration, Sue ended up sacrificing her life to missions...a mission from God to help me rebuild places long devastated. Sue stepped in, willing to suffer with me, the consequences of my bad choices...to help me turn my life around...and so it has...completely.
When we met, although I was so happy in our friendship, I was a dysfunctional broken mess from a lifetime of wrong living and following poor examples. I had been a Christian and attended church faithfully and actively for most of my marriage. But, I was so naive...so broken and beaten down. I had only a high school diploma, no understanding of right living, no work experience for over a decade and two children to nurture, with little constructive guidance on parenting.
Although the divorce left a huge mark of failure for a very long time, God began restoring me right from the start. First, He provided us with a home. Sue and I and the kids moved in together and thus the word Framily was born (friend + family).
Read more about this in my next post.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Feed the Spirit...Starve the Flesh
"Feed the Spirit not the flesh...feed the Spirit not the flesh!!!!" Makes me think of a scene in the Muppet Christmas Carol....oh, I'm digressing before I even begin! Seriously.....
Sometimes I beat myself up because of the selfishness that I seem to have little control over. I can have an awesome day in the Lord, great Bible study, intimate prayer, deep revelation. He can convict me, restore me, and lift me to the highest heights...and it only takes one incident, one moment, one injustice and all that spiritual food I just digested begins to sour in my stomach as the flesh starts taking over. It is so easy to forget the beauty of the moment. So easy to get sidetracked...so easy to start focusing on what I want instead of what God wants for me.
I try to focus on scriptures that tell me to focus on what is good, and lovely...and I resent the very words that will heal. This is the battlefield for my mind...every minute..every day.
Life has a way of feeding the flesh. People say things that hurt, finances crumble, relationships die. I place my worth in what others think and say and forget that God's esteem is so much more rewarding and lasting. My deeds will never earn the respect of others. No matter how much I do or say, I will never measure up. People will always complain, find fault, and point out flaws. As I struggle to please
people, I l exhaust myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually until I am bankrupt...and still I am criticized. That's just human nature. It's what people do..even the nicest people do this! I do this to other people! So, why do people seek the esteem of others when all we have to do to receive God's esteem is to desire it with all our heart?
I only have to truly seek to please my God with all my heart. I don't have to perfect pleasing God...I only have to seek His esteem over others...and in that alone He will be pleased. In that alone He honors. What? Being honored by God? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around...well, that's just the kind of God He is! That in itself is a reward beyond measure...a freedom that has no boundaries...yet it is so difficult to do. Why?
Is it because it requires faith like a child? My sister read something to me last night that I have pondered over and over. As we mature in the flesh, we become more dependent on ourselves. As we mature in the Spirit...we become less dependent on ourselves and more dependent on God. We begin to realize just how helpless we really are apart from Him. I must be maturing because I am realizing more and more every day how little I can do apart from Him (umm His Word says that I can do nothing)....and I am discovering more and more how much I need Him..His words...constantly planted and deeply rooted in my heart, soul, and mind..feeding my Spirit and starving my flesh! That is where my strength comes from. That is how I will grow. It can't be in spurts...it has to be constant..when I wake up, when I lie down, when I eat, sleep, drink, sleep, drive, work, visit with friends, talk on the phone...
When I am not feeding the Spirit...I am not starving the flesh...so I must never stop feeding my Spirit. I know it and it's obvious in my actions, conversation, and thoughts when I am starving my Spirit and feeding my flesh.
I can't feed the flesh and be satisfied...anymore than I can make every person like me all the time. But I need only hunger for Christ and his esteem to be satisfied beyond measure.
So, why should it ever be a battle? Because I do not have to seek evil...it seeks me out. And, although God is there, sometimes He does not make His presence obvious because He wants us to seek Him out....and if I seek Him with all my heart...I do find Him..and I am filled. He hears my cries and He answers. Then, I have to stay focused (I can't even do that apart from a miracle). If I just glance away for one moment...I find myself feeding the flesh yet again.
This is my confession. This is the battle of every single God fearing human being. Read about it in the Word of God. Read about Daniel, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Esther, Job, David, Peter, Paul.....God's prophets and apostles were not even exempt from being human.
This is the greatest thing because....Christ died. He took our punishment so therefore...there is no more condemnation...NO GUILT! NO SHAME! Nosireeebob! He took all that.
The only thing God wants for us to have about our mess ups is conviction and repentence...anything else is not from Him. Christ absorbed that on the Cross. Wow, talk about injustice. Okay...I'm starting to ramble...so what?
So, I mess up! So, maybe I talked too much or too loud. Maybe I say dingy things sometimes, maybe I do dumb things...alot! Maybe I gossip, and maybe I
hurt people...maybe I get convicted..maybe I will repent...maybe I do desire to please God and maybe I want His esteem more than any other..maybe I don't...maybe I will grow deeper in Him with every forgiven mistake...and maybe I'll have to start all over again tomorrow...Thank God His mercies are new EVERY morning and His love for me never changes...He will never love me more than yesterday or less than tomorrow. He will never love me less than He did from the Cross, or when He was creating the Earth...or than in this very moment. He loves me perfectly...always has...and always will...and I can only love that way when I feed the Spirit and starve the flesh.
Oh God...make me hunger to please You. When my heart is focused on what people think about me, it is not seeking to please you...I am feeding my flesh.
Sometimes I beat myself up because of the selfishness that I seem to have little control over. I can have an awesome day in the Lord, great Bible study, intimate prayer, deep revelation. He can convict me, restore me, and lift me to the highest heights...and it only takes one incident, one moment, one injustice and all that spiritual food I just digested begins to sour in my stomach as the flesh starts taking over. It is so easy to forget the beauty of the moment. So easy to get sidetracked...so easy to start focusing on what I want instead of what God wants for me.
I try to focus on scriptures that tell me to focus on what is good, and lovely...and I resent the very words that will heal. This is the battlefield for my mind...every minute..every day.
Life has a way of feeding the flesh. People say things that hurt, finances crumble, relationships die. I place my worth in what others think and say and forget that God's esteem is so much more rewarding and lasting. My deeds will never earn the respect of others. No matter how much I do or say, I will never measure up. People will always complain, find fault, and point out flaws. As I struggle to please
people, I l exhaust myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually until I am bankrupt...and still I am criticized. That's just human nature. It's what people do..even the nicest people do this! I do this to other people! So, why do people seek the esteem of others when all we have to do to receive God's esteem is to desire it with all our heart? I only have to truly seek to please my God with all my heart. I don't have to perfect pleasing God...I only have to seek His esteem over others...and in that alone He will be pleased. In that alone He honors. What? Being honored by God? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around...well, that's just the kind of God He is! That in itself is a reward beyond measure...a freedom that has no boundaries...yet it is so difficult to do. Why?
Is it because it requires faith like a child? My sister read something to me last night that I have pondered over and over. As we mature in the flesh, we become more dependent on ourselves. As we mature in the Spirit...we become less dependent on ourselves and more dependent on God. We begin to realize just how helpless we really are apart from Him. I must be maturing because I am realizing more and more every day how little I can do apart from Him (umm His Word says that I can do nothing)....and I am discovering more and more how much I need Him..His words...constantly planted and deeply rooted in my heart, soul, and mind..feeding my Spirit and starving my flesh! That is where my strength comes from. That is how I will grow. It can't be in spurts...it has to be constant..when I wake up, when I lie down, when I eat, sleep, drink, sleep, drive, work, visit with friends, talk on the phone...
When I am not feeding the Spirit...I am not starving the flesh...so I must never stop feeding my Spirit. I know it and it's obvious in my actions, conversation, and thoughts when I am starving my Spirit and feeding my flesh.
I can't feed the flesh and be satisfied...anymore than I can make every person like me all the time. But I need only hunger for Christ and his esteem to be satisfied beyond measure.
So, why should it ever be a battle? Because I do not have to seek evil...it seeks me out. And, although God is there, sometimes He does not make His presence obvious because He wants us to seek Him out....and if I seek Him with all my heart...I do find Him..and I am filled. He hears my cries and He answers. Then, I have to stay focused (I can't even do that apart from a miracle). If I just glance away for one moment...I find myself feeding the flesh yet again.
This is my confession. This is the battle of every single God fearing human being. Read about it in the Word of God. Read about Daniel, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Sarah, Esther, Job, David, Peter, Paul.....God's prophets and apostles were not even exempt from being human.
This is the greatest thing because....Christ died. He took our punishment so therefore...there is no more condemnation...NO GUILT! NO SHAME! Nosireeebob! He took all that.
The only thing God wants for us to have about our mess ups is conviction and repentence...anything else is not from Him. Christ absorbed that on the Cross. Wow, talk about injustice. Okay...I'm starting to ramble...so what?
So, I mess up! So, maybe I talked too much or too loud. Maybe I say dingy things sometimes, maybe I do dumb things...alot! Maybe I gossip, and maybe I
hurt people...maybe I get convicted..maybe I will repent...maybe I do desire to please God and maybe I want His esteem more than any other..maybe I don't...maybe I will grow deeper in Him with every forgiven mistake...and maybe I'll have to start all over again tomorrow...Thank God His mercies are new EVERY morning and His love for me never changes...He will never love me more than yesterday or less than tomorrow. He will never love me less than He did from the Cross, or when He was creating the Earth...or than in this very moment. He loves me perfectly...always has...and always will...and I can only love that way when I feed the Spirit and starve the flesh.Oh God...make me hunger to please You. When my heart is focused on what people think about me, it is not seeking to please you...I am feeding my flesh.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Spring Survives!!!!
This morning, as I drove into work, I was taken aback by the beautiful spring scenery before me. The trees’ blossoms resembled the snow that covered their barren limbs just a week ago! It’s hard to believe that everything was under a frozen blanket so recently and still spring is bursting forth right on schedule as usual! (I don’t know about you, but I find that pretty exciting!)
While I was absorbing the beauty of the morning, my thoughts were drawn to one solitary buttercup that had blossomed by my front porch for the first time this year. After several days of frigid temperatures, and being buried under a blanket of snow, I recalled glancing the flower just yesterday, still alive and just as beautiful as if the cold and snow never happened. As I marveled about this, my mind was directed to Matthew 6:25-30:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet, I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how god clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”
I often find myself losing sleep worrying over things that I should be trusting God to deal with. When it finally becomes overwhelming, as a last resort, I fall to my knees (when it should have been my first instinct). Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to make our requests known to God and then peace will settle our hearts and minds in Christ. It is only after I have laid my burdens before Him that I find peace and rest. We are in such a time of economic and social crisis in our world. It is likely that even the strongest in faith will be tempted to worry. Let the words of God be a constant reminder in these difficult times; to fall down before our Savior and let Him carry the weight of your burden because his burden is light (Matt. 11:30).
While I was absorbing the beauty of the morning, my thoughts were drawn to one solitary buttercup that had blossomed by my front porch for the first time this year. After several days of frigid temperatures, and being buried under a blanket of snow, I recalled glancing the flower just yesterday, still alive and just as beautiful as if the cold and snow never happened. As I marveled about this, my mind was directed to Matthew 6:25-30:“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet, I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how god clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”
I often find myself losing sleep worrying over things that I should be trusting God to deal with. When it finally becomes overwhelming, as a last resort, I fall to my knees (when it should have been my first instinct). Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to make our requests known to God and then peace will settle our hearts and minds in Christ. It is only after I have laid my burdens before Him that I find peace and rest. We are in such a time of economic and social crisis in our world. It is likely that even the strongest in faith will be tempted to worry. Let the words of God be a constant reminder in these difficult times; to fall down before our Savior and let Him carry the weight of your burden because his burden is light (Matt. 11:30).
Friday, March 06, 2009
Guilt Free Prayer
I read a section called Lament in Yancey's book "Prayer" last night that was profound, well, at least to me.
What I read last night just kept swirling and swirling in my head all night and is still there this morning. I shall ponder it awhile longer.
"A dead-end marriage that seems to offer no way out. A surly teenager who saps the family finances and shows resentment, not appreciation...Global terrorism, a national election that goes the wrong way. A bitter and divided church. A parent with dementia. Each of these circumstances rightly calls for prayers of lament." (I could add a few things to this list that affect me personally, just like you the reader could I'm sure.)I just always feel guilty praying about things like that, like I'm complaining and/or ticked off, which are things I, a Christ follower, should not be. I'm supposed to be grateful for all my blessings, instead, all I see sometimes is the negative, everything that is going wrong and how life isn't fair. He went on to say:
"Robertson McQuilkin, as patient a man as I know, confessed the temptation to scream at, even slap, his Alzheimer's-afflicted wife when irritation reached a certain level."I KNOW THAT IRRITATION LEVEL! I feel like I live there almost daily for at least part of the day anyway!
Prayer offers a better alternative, just as the psalms' fierce prayers against enemies offer a better alternative than personal revenge. We need feel no guilt over such prayers of frustration, for God welcomes them."I tried to pray guilt free last night. I didn't come natural at all.
"When I struggle with guilt, I find that inner conversation revolving around myself: attempt to rationalize or explain away my behavior, resentment against others who caused it, feelings of self-pity and remorse. Only confession can clear away that self-absorption and open my spirit to God's soft voice."The confession part is big. Possibly where I'm stuck. Which leads to guilt. That Yancey dude wrote down MY thinking! LOL
What I read last night just kept swirling and swirling in my head all night and is still there this morning. I shall ponder it awhile longer.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
In Not Of
"...for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world." (John 17:14)
"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)Christians are not of this world. We are to live a life that is holy, or "set apart", and pleasing to the Lord.
"Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world...'" (John 18:36)We love Jesus because He first loved us. He invited us to join Him in His Kingdom and those who chose life, who chose Jesus, are to live a life worthy of the Kingdom.
"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world." (John 15:19)As Christians, our lives should reflect our Kingdom values. Our lives should be "set apart", they should be holy lives.
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world." (1 John 2:15-16)I've been thinking about being "in" and not "of" the world a lot recently. I've pointed the finger at myself because I realize I am so eager to throw stones. I've been examing how I'm working out my salvation.
I've been asking myself what does salvation look like? What does living a holy life look like? Does it look the same to everyone?
I believe that a Christian's life should look different than a non-Christian's life,
"A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different!"
just as Jesus' life looked different to the non-believers of His day. His disciple's lives looked different too. A life that is totally and completely dependent on God will always look different! A person who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength, will live a life that expresses that relationship and I really don't see how it can be avoided.I believe that if I grabbed a person off the street and had them spend the day with a non-believer, and then another whole day with a Christian, that those days would, or should, look different to the person off the street.
I consider whether my life looks different? I think some things do. Somethings, unfortunately do not. Other things, I know aren't different...especially my thought life.
What kind of things do I fill my life with that reflects the fact that I dwell in His Kingdom? There are a few different things about my life that I would say shows that I am not "of" this world. One is that I am very discerning about what music I listen to. I choose to listen to mainly Christian music, and music that carries positive messages. It's been quite awhile since I purchased anything secular. The radio is tuned to Christian music stations and mostly talk radio, but I listen mainly to my CDs which contain music that edify and glorifies God.
Television is another aspect in my Christian walk that has really changed. Basically, I haven't watched tv since 1999. I have a tv in the house, but no cable, which means we can receive one channel, the local ABC affiliate. I don't watch it. No one here really does, except now and then the news and Katie does enjoy Lost. I don't think the kids are being deprived either, at least not watching tv keeps them from being depraved!
I do watch movies, but again, I am very discerning about what I watch. I won't go to movies rated above PG-13, and I usually "screen" movies at Plugged In before going to view any. The movies I watch at home used to be Clean Films versions, until they were forced out of business. Still, we try to avoid movies that glamorize sex and/or violence, and have no redeeming value at all.
I am selective about what I read as well. Most of my reading material consists of Bible studies, theological studies and apologetics, and devotional material. Lately though, I haven't been reading enough of that stuff! I also read Discipleship Journal magazine and enjoy Reader's Digest, and other Christian magazines I subscribe to. I do read a lot of blogs too!
Then comes my finger pointing. One way I do NOT do very well with leading a holy
"As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit"
life is giving my body as a living sacrifice. I am not big on excercising and should probably do better taking care of this body. I need to improve in my eating habits. I consciously try to eat healthier foods, fruit instead of snickers bars, and water, instead of Coke, and did well for awhile, but do you realize how much easier it is to find a candy bar instead of fruit when you are hungry and trying to hold out until dinner? And I'm not very good with the water drinking! As a Christian, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and how we care for them should reflect that fact. I am very convicted.I'm not always the tidiest person around either. I wonder sometimes if Christians should work a bit harder to maintain a clutter-free life and keep things simple. I pile things. Mail piles up all over the counter and my clothes pile up on my dresser. This is definitely an area I need to improve in and should, since I should be preparing for my mansion in paradise!
Another area of my life that is probably not serving Christ well all the time is the addiction I have to this computer and the Internet! I don't do anything "bad" on here, it is just possible that I spend too much time here and not with God. Katie keeps reprimanding me for making this an "idol". ugh. She's probably right.
I wonder sometimes what my life looks like to other people. I wonder if they can actually see that I live for God? I do believe it should be noticeable, and if it isn't, maybe I'm living too much like the world.
I am in this world, not of it. The world should "hate" me. If the world doesn't hate me, it is quite possible that I look too much like it.
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