Sisters' Weblog: It Bloggles the Mind!

What Does Christmas Feel Like?

2011-12-19T14:06:00.003-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I was talking with a friend the other day and I observed that it didn't feel like Christmas to me. She asked, "What does Christmas feel like?"

I answered, "I don't know...it just feels happier, people are nicer, families gather together, there are great meals...," decorations and commemorations, and people think about Jesus. I said that I can remember as a kid how exciting Christmas was, that I couldn't wait for it to come, and that now, the appeal is just gone.

Then, last night as my friend and I sat around watching George C. Scott portray Ebenezer Scrooge, I was struck by the thought that it felt like Christmas. All I was doing was sitting around wrapped up in a blanket, watching a Christmas movie with a friend. Her home is decorated with greenery and lights, ceramic, snow-covered villages and many scented candles glowing, and I was sitting there observing all of it.

She had just finished making a tasty dinner for me, poured sparkling cider into my glass, made sure I was comfortable and warm, and that her home was inviting and seasonally appealing while being entertained by a classic holiday film. It felt like Christmas.

It felt like Christmas because of the the holiday decorations, the sights and sounds, but most of all because I was spending time with a friend. This special friend had just spent a part of her day making me feel comfortable and happy by serving me. It was her good pleasure.

When I think about Christmases past and why they were so anticipated, (obviously as a child, getting presents is the big appeal), but as one grows older, it's the family time and the meal we all share that starts to be the important part. I think about my Gram making that turkey gravy, and Grandpa challenging me to eat all those mashed potatoes. I think about Grandma's laughter and seeing to it that everybody is happy, and then taking pictures of us that leave off our heads, feet or the people on either side. I miss those people. I miss those times. They can never be again, because those people are no longer here. I live so far from home and miss my family.

Spending that time with my friend yesterday made me realize that it is the people I miss. It's the people in my life who have served me and have seen to it that I am happy. My joy has been one of their greatest concerns. You know what? I am so blessed that even though the people that I miss are gone from my life on this earth, He has seen to it that I've never been without people in my life who love me and want to see me happy, and show me this through serving me. They are pleased to give of themselves to me, their time, attention, resources, talents and gifts.

At Christmastime I'm remembering how God leads us to do this for each other. He first did this by giving us life, then He gave us His Son, and His Son gave us salvation. We should rejoice that our names are written in heaven. It has been His good pleasure to serve us! That bloggles the mind!

What does Christmas feel like? It feels like I'm loved.

Avoiding the Appearance of Evil?

2011-06-24T09:32:00.003-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

"Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil." (1 Thess. 5:19-22 KJV) has often been used to caution Christians about doing anything that might look like sinful behavior to another, or further, might cause somebody to stumble in the faith.

The verse has always kind of bothered me because I am conscientious about my behavior and would never want somebody to stumble because of something they saw me doing. It also would bring up discussion about doing things that appear evil to one person, may not appear evil to another, we all have different opinions about what constitutes "questionable behavior," like going to the movies, or maybe into a bar, or what we watch on tv.

I often think about Jesus and his ministry and how he hung out with "sinners" and was around people who partook of wine at parties and spoke to tax collectors and prostitutes. If His behavior had the appearance of evil, how the heck am I going to avoid appearing evil?

It's also interesting to note how different generations in the church view certain things. The older generation might say the guitar or drums in church is evil, or that rock music is "of the devil." Dancing or smoking a cigar might be a problem for some, or possibly having a tattoo, but when we start avoiding things that others' might deem "questionable," we start infringing on a believer's liberty in Christ. We can easily become legalistic and start calling things "unclean" that simply are inconsequential to God or are pure in His eyes. It also can cause us to start judging one another, our actions and motives, so I think properly understanding this verse is very important.

I heard something on the radio yesterday that brought this to the surface of my brain and I thought I'm going to research it. It turns out that I could only find the "appearance" term in the King James Version, and that in the translation I use, NIV, it says, "do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil." It says "avoid every kind of evil. Other translations use, "every form of evil," and I like what The Message says, "Throw out anything tainted with evil."

It became clear to me just from that little revelation, that Paul wasn't saying avoid questionable behavior, he was saying avoid anything sinful. It is important to weigh what is said, or prophesied, and determine if it is good or bad and if it is bad, avoid it!

"Quench not the Spirit. Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil." (1 Thess. 5:19-22)

I think it is better understood that we avoid evil, no matter how it appears to us, or in whatever form it takes. Evil can appear to us in many ways, even as "an angel of light," which is why we need to first determine if what we encounter is good or evil, and if it is evil, throw it out and run away!

"What Makes You Think...???"

2011-06-05T13:54:00.003-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

Isn't it amazing how something said almost in passing can literally "stop a person in his tracks" and really change a person's thinking?

Has that ever happened to you? It has me and I am going to share the nugget of wisdom that was passed along to me a year or so ago by my friend, Chris Rowland. Chris probably won't even remember the conversation, and she can't know how much those few words she spoke that day impacted me.

I was sharing with her one day in a quick conversation that we just happened to pick up in passing, that I wasn't sure I was really getting anything out of the discussions we'd been having in our SaLT Group Bible Study and I didn't think I was going to go one night. (Really, it was probably just a lame excuse because I didn't feel like going.) Chris said to me, "What makes you think you are supposed to get something out of SaLT? Maybe we are supposed to get something from you."

BAM.

Chris and I went on about our day going separate ways, but what she said struck a chord in me. I'm the type of person that really ponders and thinks about things when they are spoken to me, and that just wouldn't let me go. The Holy Spirit convicted me, and used Chris Rowland to point out an error in my thinking at that time. What she said was also a springboard for me to start utilizing my spiritual gifts the way they were intended to be used when God gave them to me.

Armed with the understanding that as I study my Bible, God will reveal things to me for the sole purpose of helping others' see truth, I can use my gifts to edify the Body and glorify God. It is my part in the Body of Christ! It's not about me! Ever since that talk with Chris, I have approached Bible study differently and understand that God may use me during our SaLT Group meeting times to impart a word to another person. He may not, but it is my responsibility to prepare myself appropriately and be willing to use my gift at all times.

Now, here's another cool thing that I realized talking with a friend at church today. My friend confessed that she sometimes is fearful to speak up in a group of people with something that the Lord may be prompting her to share. I tried to encourage her using this story of Chris encouraging me, but then realized something else, that if you don't share what God wants you to, you are robbing God's people. I also pointed out that had Chris not shared with me that "maybe we are supposed to get something from you," I would have continued to rob God's people from something. The flip side of that of course, is the "ripple effect," Who knows how many other people have been affected by what Chris said to me that day?

What Chris said to me opened my eyes to see that I need to be available to God and be obedient to share with others what He reveals to me. Over the course of this past year, as I have learned to share more and more, it is quite possible that something I've passed along has impacted somebody else profoundly. I'm not saying that to toot my own horn, because I'm not, it's all God anyway, but I am saying it to point out that God may have charged you with speaking truth into somebody else's life, and you need to be obedient to tell what you know.

So, I ask you, the reader, what makes you think you are supposed to get something out of _________? Maybe we are supposed to get something from you."

Knot, Knot, Knot on Wood

2011-05-31T23:06:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

The past few days I have spent on my knees. No, not in prayer, although I was very mindful of God during this little project, especially when I noticed the knots in the wood of the deck I was applying water sealer to.

I walk around on the deck feeling the smooth wood beneath my bare feet, spend time at the table reading newspapers, drinking coffee and doing Bible study, often by candlelight and the light given off from the flame of the tiki lamps. I've had the deck for two years now and it is one of the best investments I have ever made.

One of my really favorite things to do is lie on the wood once it is heated by the sun. I love it! I don't know why, it is just something I enjoy doing.

One night I even decided to sleep on it and I did! Katie did, too, for part of the night, even though she made for herself a contraption of netting to protect herself from bugs and whatnot. I braved the elements, just me and my bag and "woo pillow".

I've really learned to enjoy my deck and want to protect it so it will last as long as possible. I applied water sealer to it shortly after it was built and figured it was time for another application. This time I was more meticulous about the process and noticed something that fascinated me.

I saw the knots.

The first time I sealed the deck I used a pressure sprayer, so I stood above the wood, spraying it with sealant. Today, I used a brush and applied the sealant by hand, therefore it required me to be on my knees, brushing over every single surface of the deck. Because I was so much closer and literally going over every inch of the wood, I really took notice of the knots.

Knots are the bases of branches that died, broke off, and then were covered over as the tree grew. Knots are considered imperfections, because in the timber world, they reduce the strength of the wood. They often appear darker in color, and I think, add character to a piece of wood. Today they added immensely to my day out in the sun, working on the deck.

I noticed the detail of the grain of the wood. With my brush, I would follow the grain, then come upon a knot. The grain of the wood where the knot was, changes. The grain takes a turn around the knot and sometimes the grain changes direction a whole 90 degrees.

I started thinking about the fact that those were once branches on a healthy, living and growing tree. I looked at the different planks of wood that were placed together to form the floor of the deck and saw that each plank had varying wood grain and texture from the next. The knots were all in different places, too.

Reminded of John 15:2, "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful," I looked at a knot and studied it. I considered for a moment that it was a scar in the tree that was now a plank of wood on my deck. The branch that had been growing there was weak, or for whatever reason, it fell off, and the tree continued to grow, "swallowing" up that hole that was left, filled it with resin, and went on with life, growing stronger and stronger as time went on, producing whatever fruit is was designed to produce. The branch that had been a hindrance to that tree producing good fruit was cut off.

There are knots in my life. The areas of my life that have been weak, or ways of thinking that were destructive, have been pruned away by God. He is able to reveal to me through my prayer life, fellow believers, His Word and circumstances, where these hindrances and things that produce rotten fruit are. He cuts them off, so I can continue to grow in Him and therefore produce good fruit.

I was also thinking about how these "knots", or scars, remain in me, although often hidden from view. I am grateful for those "knots" so I can remember not to go that way again, producing rotten fruit.

I am glad I have knots, and like the knots in the wood I was examining today as I brushed over it, I was able to see the beauty in the imperfections. Every piece of wood is astonishingly beautiful in its own way, and the knots make it that much more appealing to me. I was able to see the strength in the weakness. Something else occurred to me as I pondered; that my brothers and sisters in the Lord all have knots.

Just like the wood grain and texture was different in each plank of wood, we are all different. We grow spiritually at different paces, we are pruned for various things and our knots form, but He continues growing us to produce good fruit. When we are put together, like the planks of wood on my deck, we are a beautiful piece of work that the world can see as His Church, and behold as the glory of the Lord. Knots and all!

The Greatest Revolutionary

2011-03-15T11:17:00.002-05:00

Author: Katie

There are many reasons why Jesus was and is still considered a revolutionary. Many claim that Jesus had a political agenda. He claimed to be God incarnate who came to redeem his people and set up his Kingdom on Earth. This in itself was enough to bring about contention with religious authorities of the day. Much of what Jesus practiced during his earthly ministry went against the religious practices that had been strictly enforced for generations. He proclaimed salvation by grace instead of the works based plan enforced by the Pharisees (Ephesians 2: 4-5). He was criticized for performing miracles on the Sabbath, and for offering salvation even to the Gentiles. He kept company with sinners and taught forgiveness instead of revenge. He consistently rendered the religious leaders humiliated and speechless when they chastised him. Yet, he loved and gave his life for them no less than any other sinner.

In the modern day protestant church, we learn that it is by grace we are saved and not of ourselves. It is not because of any works we have done. Instead, it is a gift from God therefore; we cannot boast (Ephesians 2:8-9). This teaching has been passed down through generations. It is radical and changed the course of history. Men can not work their way to God. It is impossible because there is no one righteous (Romans 3:10-24). Jesus changed the world because he taught mankind that the only way to God is through the Messiah (John 14:6). This teaching frustrated the religious leaders in the New Testament era. It contradicted everything the Pharisees believed about God and Heaven because they taught that man should live by Old Testament Law (with a few minor adjustments of their own). Christ’s message caught the attention of the rebellious. This message gave and continues to give hope to the hopeless. It drew the Gentiles to Christ. They realized that he alone was the Savior. For those who still had doubt, Jesus performed miracles that appeared to be unorthodox.

One such miracle took place on the Sabbath. There was a man with a withered hand. The Pharisees asked if it was lawful to heal on the Sabbath. (They did this in a spirit of accusation.)

Jesus answered, “If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” With the Pharisees anger burning against him, Jesus then instructed the man to hold out his hand and it was completely healed (Matthew 12:9-13). Jesus reached out to the meek and humble in spirit.

It was from this pool of unlikely candidates that Jesus chose his followers. Society’s rejects were those that he reached out to and spent his time with. It was their lowly state that made the message of Christ so appealing. His life was extraordinary and unexpected. The Messiah, the King, and the Redeemer expected by the Jews was not a lowly carpenter. Jesus introduced a new way of thinking and understanding that would continue to bring about change long after his death and resurrection.

The teachings of the Christ continue today. So do the practices of pious, legalistic religious leaders. We are a people with a Savior whom we still reject, mock, and crucify on a daily basis. Faithful Christians are still mocked and persecuted for following the teachings of the Greatest Revolutionary of all time. More often then not, it is the educated legalistic religious leaders who instigate persecution of the saints.

The heathens of Christ’s time on earth did not have access to the Holy Spirit like we do today. The Spirit came in Christ’s place to dwell in every believer. Yet, even today we have the same problems with religious leaders and politics in the church. Even with the Holy Spirit’s indwelling, we mock the lowly, avoid the needy, and seek the things of earth (health, wealth, and prosperity). We seek to please our flesh and rely on ourselves instead of God. We can not plead ignorance as an excuse. We have the living, breathing Word of God available to us every moment of every day. A very disturbing question is raised when I think of Christ returning again. Will we recognize him or will we reject him yet again?

If Jesus returned today, he probably would not respond to our society much different than he did the first time. However, the next time he comes he will come as Judge, not Redeemer (Revelation 20:11-15). The religious community has adapted the ways of the world to a point that it can be very difficult to tell the saints from the sinners. But, this will not be a problem for the Son of God who knows our hearts. Religious leaders are still rejecting the needy and neglecting the poor. We are still the same people only more depraved than ever. We have not learned form the mistakes of the Patriarchs. We have so much more available to us for understanding and knowing God. We have access to the same power that raised Christ from the dead. We have witnessed the miracles and can experience the Holy Spirit living in us, yet we remain self-centered instead of self-sacrificing as God is. The religious of today often behave no better than the self-righteous, pious leaders in biblical times. Jesus would contend with them the same way he did the Pharisees in his day. However, he would also display deep love and mercy to the poor in spirit.

Even in modern day society, it is those who are lowly and meek in spirit that follow hard after Christ. It is the true followers who are persecuted by the self-righteous. The Messianic teachings still prevail as truth and are still revolutionizing the world in more ways than can be accounted for. Just as the wickedness and depravity of our generation might cause Jesus to react in anger, so the repentant heart of one sinner continues to cause such great celebration.

The Kingdom of God exists in his people. It was God’s plan to send Christ to unite mankind as one with him through the Spirit. Those who do not know Jesus can not comprehend this. The Jews believed the Messiah had come to conquer their enemies and set up a kingdom from an earthly perspective. The Kingdom he came to set up is not one that man can understand apart from the revelation of the Holy Spirit. The Kingdom of God already exists in the hearts of every believer where God himself reigns. God’s Kingdom is the governing of the Holy Spirit uniting mankind as one body. Sadly, just as it happened in biblical times, today there are many who do not understand nor believe this concept. It is up to the Christian community to be Christ to the lost and hurting.

God and Moses...Face to Face?

2011-02-16T08:19:00.002-06:00

Author: Katie

Exodus 33:11

God "spoke to moses as a man speaks to his friend"

Deuteronomy 34:10

"Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the LORD knew face to face, who did all those signs and wonders the LORD sent him to do in."

I did some research in order to understand...and also in order to teach. It's important as Christians that we know how to give an answer and I'm not very good at that. So, I am working at being better. As I was reading this passage today, I pondered...

"God came in a cloud and had a conversation as if with a friend"..."but face to face?" Then in my research I came across Deuteronomy 34:10. Each passage is speaking to illustrate an intimate relationship. Exodus 33:11 is focused on God...and His speaking to Moses....personally...as if sitting down over a cup of coffee. This point is emphasized to me in Deuteronomy because there it says, the LORD "knew" Moses face to face. This makes it clear that "face to face" is to help us see the intimate relationship God and Moses had with one another.

What makes this even more clear is that further in Exodus 33:19-23, God tells Moses that he cannot see His face and live. Therefore, the Father hides Moses' face in the cleft of the rock and allows him to see only his back side. Even today with Christ as our Savior...because of the presence of sin...we cannot see the fullness of God in all his Glory and live. It would be more than our humanity could handle.

Today, God gives each person the opportunity to have a "face to face" relationship with Him through Jesus Christ. One day all believers will literally see Him "face to face". That should give believers incentive toward intense evangelism! I can't wait to see Him in ALL His glory!

Reading the Bible for Life

2011-02-03T12:29:00.006-06:00

Author: Katie

Yesterday, I read the first chapter in Read the Bible for Life by George Guthrie. I must admit I was quite surprised at how personal this chapter was for me since it revolved around the February 5, 2008 tornado that struck Union University. I didn't realize that Dr. Guthrie had begun his book with this particular discussion with David Dockery. The entire chapter was so personal and so relative to my walk with God that I was almost moved to tears. Let me explain.

During the time spoken of, like many who will be reading this book, I was not only a student, but I was also on staff at Union. I had just left the office 2 hours prior to when the tornado struck. It brought me back to that night when I received the phone call saying that volunteers were needed to help get the students to safety...and what a miracle that not a single life was lost.

I remember the weeks following and how the normal routine at work had completely changed and we all had to pull together to salvage what was left. We had to regroup, reorganize, counsel, and rethink how things would need to be done. I remember attending my classes at one of the local private schools while campus was being "reconstructed". It took everyone putting aside personal tasks and personal issues to focus on working together to help the victims and clean up the rubble. The whole community came together. It was such an amazing experience to see so many reaching out to others in a time of crisis.

Amidst the nostalgia while reading, I found myself deeply touched by a couple of particular statements in Dr. Dockery's testimony. The first thing he said shich had a very personal impact was when he commented on his perspective of what it meant to live with a biblical view of the world. He states, "First, we must be committed to the Great Commandment, loving God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, as well as loving one another as ourselves".

It was not the words of Dr. Dockery which struck a chord so much as the Word of God which he quoted. If I had my personal journals in front of me, there would be many references to Mark 12:30 and Deuteronomy 6:4 because these verses were the start of a lifetime of change for me and have been the focal point of that change for the last decade.

Loving God first goes totally against the grain of humanity. In fact loving God and others is quite the opposite of human tendency. Loving self first is what comes natural to our carnal being. What I have learned about putting me first is that it is...

1. Lonely

2. Counter productive

3. Self-defeating

The harder we work to elevate ourselves in our own eyes and the eyes of others, the more selfish we become. We fight so hard to protect what is ours and to be something other than who God created us to be. Consequently, we are not much fun to be around.

People feed off of one another's selfishness. They try to make friends with those in the limelight for their own personal gain. They step on others to climb to the top. They even do nice things for others for personal recognition. Relationships become superficial. Feelings get hurt. Anger gets stirred. Fights happen. Friends are alienated. This is the same kind of selfishness that is at the root of divorces, gang fights, riots, and wars.

Being self focused is the equivalent of shooting oneself in the foot or beating your head against a brick wall. Yet, it is a constant battle and a conscious choice, moment by moment that I strive to not be self-centered. Being unselfish does not come naturally for most of humanity yet, selfishness is almost like self abuse. Even so, we cling to the carnal teachings that say we are our own God, we don't need God, and/or we must be true to our "self"..."me first". This gives a whole new perspective to, "The last shall be first and the first shall be last". Putting myself first almost always will put me in last place in the long run.

Truthfully, I have learned from personal experience that selfishness leads to loss...not gain. God commands us to love Him first because unless we do...we can't love others. If we love others and consider them more important than ourselves, we live in peace with others and with God.

God doesn't command us to do this because he is an egocentric. He doesn't put boundaries in our lives to imprison us. He does it to free us. The cure for all the misery in the world is found in the First and Greatest Commandment...love.

So, where is the problem? Why is loving God and placing others as more important than ourselves so contrary to popular belief? Why is it so hard to love? It shouldn't be.

In closing, I leave you with another impactful quote by Dr. Dockery, "It is because of sin that our relationship with God has been distorted. It is because of sin that our relationship with others has been frayed."

It is because of sin that we find it hard to love.

Sleepless Christmas Eve

2010-12-28T08:47:00.002-06:00

Author: Katie

This Christmas Eve I laid awake in my bed. Unlike many Christmas Eve's past, this time I wasn't awaiting the arrival of Santa or anticipating my kids opening their gifts on Christmas morning. This year, I laid awake feeling an ache in my heart at how much Christ was not invited into the preparations for the day and how much there was to do on Christmas day that had little to do with Him.

I tried to pray but couldn't focus so I decided to get up. I bundled up and made my way to the back porch. As I sat quietly under the stars and the beautiful moonlight, I understood the Heavenly peace of the Silent Night. There was a beautiful ring around the moon predicting the white Christmas that was about to arrive.

As I sat in my pajamas, bundled in my sister's coat, I thanked God for the 8 family members that were sleeping inside. I thanked him for the season and the Reason. Then, I believe by the leading of the Holy Spirit, the silence was broken as I heard my voice in the crisp clear night singing, "Oh Holy Night" followed soon after by "Silent Night". It was so perfectly peaceful...it was Christmas.

The air was cold but in my heart, a warm fire burned as I rejoiced and celebrated in song with the Heavenly host under a starry blanket in the earliest hours of Christmas morning. Oh night divine.

December 7 - Happy Adoption Day!

2010-12-07T07:11:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

Reposted from a few years ago, but it accurately captures the excitement this day brings me every year!

December 7th is probably just another day to you. NOT TO ME! December 7 is special to me because it is my anniversary! Way back in 1966 God chose to bless me on December 7th. He had it all planned out before the world began, but as far as my existence...this day in 1966 is a milestone. December 7, 1966 I was adopted!

I was only four months old so I don't remember much, actually, I remember nothing of the events of that day, but I mark it as special anyway. I know that it was the day I got a family! A wonderful mom and dad. I love them so much. I have tears as I blog knowing that as much as they are special to me, they have NEVER let me forget how special I am to them.

My parents are so awesome. I go to them when I need anything...encouragement, opinions, even if I need help financially I know that I can count on my parents. If I had a need right now and called them and asked them to come, they would be on the next flight out of Cleveland. I can always count on my mom and dad to be there for me. They have never failed to show me love.

Growing up I took my parents for granted, not intentionally, but I thought all parents were like mine. They were there at every band concert and softball game, awards banquets and every kid milestone. They were always there when I needed help with my homework. They took care of all my needs. I always had clothes to wear, (even though I think mom sometimes had to drag me to clothes shop!), and food to eat. I had the extra-added benefit of having Gram come live with us when my grandad died too. She baked the most awesome chocolate-chip cookies (that I have not ever been able to duplicate), and beaten biscuits...I miss the beaten biscuits! I never meant to take for granted the love my parents showed me...so here for all the WWW to see...Thanks Mom and Dad for loving me!

I remember helping dad every spring put the mower deck on the tractor so I could mow the yard and in the fall it was time to put the snow blower back on and chains on the tires. I remember mom helping to coach my softball team one year and always being my taxi getting me to and from all my practices and rehearsals. I remember Gram supporting me in my endeavors on the softball field and in the band as well. I have so many awesome childhood memories and most of them because of my parents loving me so much!

When I was adopted, I gained parents, but later on I gained two younger sisters. We had a good life growing up together. I remember bickering as siblings do but we love each other and are there for one another when needed. I am so blessed!!! WHY DID GOD GIVE ME SO MUCH?!!!

Ohhhhhhhh, the mail just came in! Snail mail that is and LOOK! I have a card from Mom and Dad! YAY! It's a Veggietales card...Bob and Larry on the front! I'm so excited! Wooohooooooo!!! It says "God made you special and He loves you very much." and now I'm gonna open it! Inside it says "What better reason to have a happy birthday?" But Mom scratched out birthday and wrote "ADOPTION DAY!". Then the best part is what she wrote after that: "We love you more than you love Veggie Tales. Love, Mom and Dad." AND I LOVE THEM MORE THAN I LOVE VEGGIE TALES! (and I LOVE Veggie Tales!)

God did make me special and every day of my life my parents have reminded me of that. As a kid they would tell me I was special and that being adopted was special. As an adult, they still tell me I am special. I know I am special in God's eyes because of the parents He gave me. WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I feel special today!

December 7...today is a day I will celebrate!

How Hiking is Like Walking With the Spirit

2010-11-09T22:23:00.002-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

Recently I vacationed in the Smokies with friends who invited me to come with them. I was blessed beyond measure in so many ways during that vacation, but one particular thing struck me while hiking the Abram's Falls trail in The Great Smoky Mountains, and the thought I had is what developed into this post.

I was walking the trail and now and then would be tripped up by rogue rhododendron roots or rocks jutting up out of the dirt of the trail. It was rough terrain in some places and I started thinking about how amazing it is that God so made our brains that when I stumble, my brain sends messages to my entire body; arms, legs, ears, eyes, so that it will correct itself in order that I don't completely fall over and get hurt. My equilibrium is kept by fluids in my inner ear and when thrown off kilter, my arms flail, but only to gain balance as my feet readjust and find footing again. It bloggles the mind when you think of all the physiological processes that must take place whenever we trip, in order for the human body to react and correct itself.

Then I started considering something else. I started realizing that as my eyes observed the trail I would make a mental note of where certain obstacles were; rocks in the way, troublesome roots sticking up, sticks obstructing the path, and then I noticed how often my body automatically maneuvered itself to avoid tripping to begin with. I was able to keep my pace, see an obstacle and duck, or swerve to the side, possibly lift one foot higher off the ground to avoid a rock, or simply lengthen or shorten my stride momentarily to miss a slippery spot on the trail. My eyes would see the obstacle and immediately my brain sent all the right signals and the appropriate body movements took place to avoid even a stumble. I didn't have to see the obstacle and conscientiously react; watch my leg, think about lifting it higher so that my foot would avoid the obstacle, no, I simply saw it and my body did what it had to do to avoid danger. It really happened so quickly that I didn't think about it, I just kept right on walking.

Then it occurred to me that this is something similar to what it is like to walk in the Spirit.

For the believer, the Holy Spirit's purpose is to "guide you into all truth." (John 16:13) The Spirit "will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." (John 14:26) The Holy Spirit's guidance is of utmost importance as we read God's Word and learn the Truth from it, and equally as important is when we yield to the Spirit; He helps us apply the Truth we learn to the life we live. This is a mystical process and in I Corinthians 2, we are told why, "we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory....The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God." To those who have not the Spirit of God in them, this is all foolishness, but to those of us to whom the Truth has been revealed, we are guided through life by God Himself.

As we walk through life in the power of the Holy Spirit, we can apply the truth we've learned through God's Word to life, so as troubles arise, we are able to adjust accordingly and overcome the obstacle. Sometimes we are able to see trouble on the path ahead because the Holy Spirit nudges us to pay attention and see the danger, and then we can completely avoid the problem by staying on course and not veering to the left or the right. For the most part, walking in the Spirit is that automatic adjustment that happens as we go about our day to day lives, avoiding pitfalls and choices that take us away from the path we are following. Following the Holy Spirit is not always something we consciously do, but it is putting into practice the precepts we have learned as we walk with God day after day.

Sometimes, like on the trails of The Smokies, the road is bumpy and we get tripped up. The pitfalls and bad choices are always because we choose to believe the lie; the lie that more money will make us happy so we choose this job over that, the lie that alcohol will take away emotional pain, the lie that you need to be married to be happy, the lie that success in your career will be what makes you happy, etc. We may have ignored the warning signals from the Holy Spirit; mystical unctions or maybe warnings fellow believers pointed out, and fell flat on our face because we sought things that would bring only temporary happiness. We may have chosen to fill the emptiness in our lives with something other than God. We may have chosen the way of sin, and then found ourselves suffering terrible consequences. Eventually, the Holy Spirit will convict us. The Holy Spirit will woo us back onto the path of the righteousness, and we can readjust our lives again and live according to the Truth. This often requires a much more conscientious choice to be obedient to the Holy Spirit and get back on the path that He is guiding us to.

While walking those trails in the woods, at some point, I became conscientiously aware of the fact that with every step I took, I was making adjustments in my stride. Some of the adjustments were hardly noticeable, and others required a lot of maneuvering, but I was always able to stay on course. I was picturing how the Holy Spirit works in my life when I allow myself to be guided by Him and for the most part, the adjustments I make are daily, but minute and hardly noticeable. Now and then, an obstacle is thrown into my path and because I am a student of the Word, the Holy Spirit reminds me of that truth and then I deal with the issue, adjust my walk and continue moving forward. Sometimes the problem causes a detour in my life and I stray from the path, but because the Spirit of the Living God resides in me, He is always calling me back to the path that leads straight to God.

Walking in the Spirit is like walking a hiking trail, we need to be attentive at all times and constantly adjust our stride to make sure we always remain on the correct path, because the pay off at the end is much too important to miss!

Emptying

2010-11-03T03:20:00.008-05:00

Author: Katie

I am learning that being emptied of my "self" is not a one time thing or something that happens every now and then. It's not anything that will ever be over. It's moment by moment day by day and usually happens to me in the middle of the night.

I struggle with insomnia and take medication to help but obviously the meds are not enough tonight (as I am beginning this at about 3:30 am). As a Christian, my spirit is always going against my natural human tendencies. I am fighting a battle for my mind on a daily basis. When the Spirit is in authority, I have peace of mind but otherwise...my mind is focused on me. When I gave my heart to Christ and asked Him to become Lord of my life I was unaware of the warfare I had declared on the the enemy of my soul..the ruler of my "flesh". I only knew that I came to a place where nothing on earth mattered enough to me to sacrifice having a relationship with my Creator. In the moment of total surrender, I surrendered "self". I died to an old way of life and began to walk in a new direction. This new direction began a very difficult but glorious journey into a relationship with Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:16-20

"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God." (NIV)

I love the way that this passages is interpreted in The Message:

"16-20Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you."

I see these verses in a whole new light and it actually speaks to me in regards to the things that have kept me up tonight (aside from a reoccurring case of the hiccups of which I also battle yet again).

I never realized how overly analytical I can be. I don't analyze things from a "scientific" or an "intellectual" perspective. I analyze people, behaviors, personalities, things that are said to me, circumstances, the meaning of life! I can't not do it. I'm always trying to make sense of things and always seeking to do what is right and beating myself up for the things I do wrong. My mind just never seems to rest. This is part of the reason I have so much trouble sleeping. I am not at peace. God is not on the throne.

Often when I awaken at night like this, with my thoughts drawn to the negative. So I have learned to overcome this by holding my thoughts captive to Christ. This means to redirect my thoughts according to the truth of God's Word. So, when I am thinking about the things that make me miserable, I try to redirect my thoughts to the blessings of God. At first this was helping but it seems as though I have come to a cross roads. As I redirect my thoughts to the blessings, they end with "yeah but..." and head right back in the wrong direction, at which time I redirect again and I just keep going in circles all night long.

I have kept it no secret that I have had a very difficult and dysfunctional past but God set me free from that past. The problem now is that I have found myself in captivity again to the very things He set me free from. In a nutshell, I am captive to me...not Christ as I should be.

So, I am taken to the scriptures I spoke of earlier in this post. It has been my thinking that when I gave my heart to Christ the old is dead...gone. A new beginning has come. I took off my "old self" and put on the new person that God had made when I was reborn as His child. So, this means that the past is the past. I should leave it there. God has...but I keep dragging it back up in my thought life.

On the other hand, I think I see 2 Corinthians 16-20 in a new light now. Before I saw people through the eyes of being human. But then I met Christ. I began to see myself and others in a new way. Salvation is about reconciliation. First, we are reconciled to God through Christ. Then, through Christ we are also to be reconciled to others. This means we are to live in peace together. I don't see this enough in the Christian community...and I have had my struggles living it as well. That's because I try to live in peace according to my own strength. I try to do it the way I think it should be done. Often I become very legalistic in how I seek reconciliation with others and it just doesn't work...because I am doing it...not God. In reality...when God is in first place and I just focus on getting that relationship right...that is when peace comes. I keep saying this..when will I live like I believe it? That is when I am able to love others...by loving Him first. It always come back to this! It always comes back to Mark 12:30-31. No wonder my King made these the first and greatest commandments!

I know the condition of my heart. I know that I battle daily to stay above being self centered. Although I have had some amazing mountain top experiences and great moments of peace, I am not experiencing lasting peace...the peace which God has been speaking to me over the last month in my travels (of which I still plan to write about). It is a peace that surpasses all understanding. I know the moments when I have peace like a river and why. It is because I am staring in the face of my Redeemer and at peace with Him. The war...the battlefield of the mind...the flesh rising up against the Spirit...this is an ongoing battle that finds its victory in Christ alone.

I have realized that I am always trying to do what is right. I am always trying to fix me. I am my own idol! I keep trying to do what only God can do through me! I do this by being overly critical of myself. I criticize myself even to others because it is what I expect from others...to be criticized. I figure if I put myself down before they do then they can't hurt me. But, this does not glorify God nor does it magnify Him to others....and worst of all, it destroys my peace. I do not have peace with Him...and therefore no peace within or with others. As a result the very thing I do to protect myself from pain, brings me the greatest pain of all.

Luke 12:27 tells us that even the lilies are clothed in beauty. All of their needs are met by God with no effort on their part at all. . They are so beautiful yet often never even seen. If God cares so much for that which is never seen...how much more He will care for me if I just stop trying to do things myself and let Him provide and make me beautiful? This is not to condone laziness...but to encourage complete trust that God will guide his beloved and provide all we need to be all He has created us to be. We will be a display of His splendor!

When I stop stressing and stop trying to take things into my hands that I am supposed to lay at His feet...when I stop trying to analyze and control things; when I stop holding on so tight to what He is wanting me to let go of; when I stop trying to be perfect in my own power (because that is impossible) but let His strength be made perfect in my weakness; when I start being anxious for nothing and I start letting Him labor and toil over the things that are not mine to labor over...I will be like the lilly. I will live in peace and total trust in God. I will magnify His glory.

He is in the business of restoring beauty from ashes. This is my life. He has done it before and He is doing it again. My life becomes a mess when I take Him off the throne of my heart and put me in that place (whether by pride, control, false humility, bitterness or any other such thing). I have learned about the enemy disguising himself as an angel of light. I have at times allowed myself to be deceived into following the enemy away from God when I thought I was following God.

Several years ago a theme God gave me called for me to pray to be emptied. God has really been doing that. I am thankful for the sleepless nights I have had (although I would like to be done now lol). They have been such a great teaching tool. I have learned that I am constantly seeking to fill the emptiness with things other than God. I pray to be emptied so He can fill me. But I truly believe that sometimes he leaves that place vacant just long enough to give me an opportunity to choose to be filled with Him...or to fill the empty place with things that don't belong there.

Every day, every moment, every trial is an opportunity to choose to let God fill the emptiness or to fill it with something else that will only need to be emptied again. So, when that thought comes to my mind, when my peace is shaken...the first thing I need to do is drop to my knees and give the thing I want to put in my God shaped hole...to God...and let allow Him to fill me to overflowing.

A friend posted on facebook to look at Psalm 23 in the negative. This is the result of filling the emptiness in my life with the wrong things.

The Lord is not my shepherd

Therefore I can not rest

I do not have peace

My soul cannot experience restoration...I am drained

I go down a path of unrighteousness and cannot bring Him glory

I fear and am anxious about everything because I am not aware of His presences

I have no comfort from His presence

I have no protection from my enemies, no honor

My cup is empty and dry

Goodness and mercy are far from me

I can not dwell in His house if He is not my shepherd

But when the Lord is my Shepherd

I will be satisfied

He will make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still waters where He will restore my soul (peace and rest).

He leads me in the path of righteousness for His glory and my good.

Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil

Because He is with me. His rod and staff give me comfort.

He prepares a feast before me in the presence of my enemies!

He anoints me with the Holy Spirit above and beyond what I could imagine..spilling over everywhere I go.

His goodness and mercy will follow me all my days

I will dwell in His house forever.

If there is no peace...then God is not leading me. If there is an absence of peace then I have filled an empty place with something that will not satisfy...something that does not belong there. I need to fill it with God and God alone. I need to dethrone the idol and put God in His rightful place. I need to love HIM FIRST!

Peace Like a River

2010-10-28T18:16:00.004-05:00

Author: Katie

During my quiet time today, I prayed in my journal. Then, I opened a book of prayers to the place where I left off. In my journal, I was seeking God for direction. I am trying to figure out how to order my days. Soon a new year will begin. It is my hope to get this worked out before then...but God may have a different time table. The title of the prayer I read was called, "Needing Direction".

The scripture: Jeremiah 6:16, "Thus says the Lord: 'Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find REST for your souls."

The prayer: "Lord, I come before you, standing here, seeking Your face. I need direction, I feel so lost, so alone. But You are here with me, to lead and to guide me, to show me the way I should go. With you and You alone, I can find REST for my soul. Give me the PEACE of Jesus. Peace like a river. Peace...Peace...Peace...Lord, give me peace."

Over and over this theme of peace keeps coming up...peace like a river. This was the them of the retreat I went on...and everything leading up to it. I have been out of pocket for an entire month now. I spent the last of September and the month of October traveling for many different purposes. With each trip God blessed me in so many ways. First I went to Florida to welcome home my sailor son and the other sailors from 6 months at sea. Then, I returned home for about a week before heading off to Colorado with my husband on a business trip. The day after we drove home from Colorado, I went on my bi-annual retreat with my best friend to Mt. Cheaha in Alabama. Finally, a month of travel ended with a vacation in Gatlinburg Tennessee...just in time for the peak of foliage! I will be writing of these journeys over the next week or so. I have so much I want to write and God has been doing amazing things. But, the one thing that has been coming to me over and over from resting in the spa beneath the Rockies to the peace of the river at Cheaha, to the relaxing time soaking in the beauty of the Smoky Mountains...from Rocky Mountain High Colorado to Rocky Top, Tennessee...God has been speaking peace to this weary soul....peace and rest. I think I like this theme!

However, peace and rest do not come easy for me. I am a doer. I go go go. I have no order to my days and I love so many things in life. I love painting, photography, crocheting scarfs for the homeless, playing my piano, and mostly...I love writing writing writing. The thing I want to do the most is write a book. But, I can't seem to figure out where to begin. I keep blogging because I know that when it all comes together, much of the material will come from what I post here. But, I can't seem to focus. I only know that what I keep hearing God say is what I read in my devotion today...what I keep reading in all my studies and today I clicked on a link to a church I used to follow on line...and the message coming up this Sunday is on finding peace like a river. My Sister in Christ, Sue, also mentioned peace like a river on her facebook page today. It just keeps coming up.

Something that really popped out to me in my amazing devotion time today is this, "...Be occupied with me...Be alert to My voice...Be devoted to Me with your whole heart...Put all that is around you into My keeping..."

Then this really jumped out at me, "You will be my mouth piece in places where ther are no other voices to be heard." I have no idea what that means but it really jumped out at me!

There is so much more that I will not include in this post but here is the final thought I'd like to add, "You will discharge your duties with dispatch and you will deal in wisdom in each responsibility; but your heart will REST in My hand!"

There is not a man on the face of this planet who will ever convince me that God and I don't have conversation! He is so close to my heart. He knows my every thought, my every concern, and He hears my every cry....and He responds!

Praise and glory to the One and Only! "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll...whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, 'even so, it is well with my soul.'" Some old hymns will never be lost. Amen.

Living the Call Day 34 - Forgiveness

2010-10-08T11:51:00.003-05:00

Author: Katie

I haven't been able to write like I want to. Life has a way of getting in the way! I have spent the last week in Florida visiting my son who just returned from a 6 month deployment (tour) in South America with the US Navy. It was a blessed time with my son and his dearest friends.

Upon returning home, I began preparing for a week long road trip to Colorado with my husband! It's going to be wonderful, I just know it! So, now I have squeezed a few minutes in to write before running errands with my mother-in-love.

Just before taking my trip to Florida, God moved in my heart during quiet time. Hopefully, in the near future I will have time to elaborate on this, but, for now, I will keep it brief.

I have been holding a bitter grudge against an old friend for a few years now. I have had no desire in my heart to offer forgiveness to this person. It ate away at me like a poison. But, God spoke to my heart through Colossians 3:12-14 and Deuteronomy 30:16. First He told me that I am commanded to forgive. Secondly He told me to love Him, walk in His ways, and keep His commands..then I will live and increase and the Lord will bless the land I am entering to possess. Forgive...obey.

Right in the middle of my journal, as I was confessing this bitterness and unforgiveness that He exposed with His glorious light (this is the day after I cried out to Him to shine His light so bright in my life that every dark place would be exposed), He told me to call this friend who I was so bitter against..and ask HER to forgive ME! I didn't even finish the journal I was writing. I was instructed to stop and do it right then.

So, on September 27, 2010, at around 10 am, with my stomach in knots, I called my friend and asked her for forgiveness. She rejoiced and without batting an eye...offered complete forgiveness and then, to my surprise...she asked me to forgive her for hurting me! In that moment, it was almost as if I could see inside my very own soul as Christ's light burst through that dark place and the freedom that was found is beyond anything I can put into words!

My friend and I went on to talk for about an hour after that and it was as if nothing ever happened. This is the forgiveness that Christ offers us all!

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Christ had to forgive before He could die or else He could not have said, "It is finished". I have been crucified with Christ...yet I cannot say "It is finished"...because there are still others I need to forgive. So, I leave myself still hanging on the "cross" so to speak. I cannot die to "self" until I have forgiven. Once the forgiveness is complete, then I will be able to say, "It is finished" and experience becoming like Him in his death...and alas...the power of the resurrection and a new beginning...totally free...and ready to serve and love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I cannot do this until complete forgiveness comes.

Father, I pray for you to continue to shine your light into the dark places! Help me to forgive that I might also be forgiven and walk in peace with You.

Living the Call Day 24 - Out of the Darkness

2010-09-22T12:49:00.009-05:00

Author: Katie

Mark 12: 29-30
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

I have been struggling to find sleep and peace in the dark of night for the last few days...in flesh and spirit. I have not set time aside with God due to a very busy schedule. Today, I anticipated this much needed time that has been very missed. I started by opening my most recent book of journals and reading from the beginning. It's amazing because the journal starts with the same things I am still talking about...loving God and others. I realize that, until I reach Glory, I will forever be in need of growth and transformation in this area. But, there is something in my 5th entry that jumped out at me and spoke life to me today. God speaks to me through my very words on the pages of my own journal.

So far, since I have begun "Living the Call", I have been spoken to in the most unexpected ways...

From my garbage about my garbage

From my coffee cup He lifted me up (further down the page)

From my journal about my journey

From my painted walls to my tainted heart (another blog in progress)

I know, it's corny but I am an artist and I can be that way sometimes! Perhaps these will be the chapters of my book...I can't wait to see how God will bring it all together!

Today, the above mentioned journal entry that spoke to me was dated 4/19/10.

"Note: If my life is not filled with joy and my heart cannot rejoice in my circumstances, then I have allowed my flesh to put that light out. I have no one to blame but myself."

I was speaking in regards to how I was handling different circumstances but I can definitely apply it to where my mind has been the last few days. I can NOT live apart from God. I can NOT focus apart from His Word. Every day I need Him. Every day that I don't take time out to be alone with Him, my flesh gains strength and my spirit weakens. Here are some of the fruits that come from a spirit of flesh:

1. Self-centeredness

2. Worry

3. Anxiety

4. Depression

5. Unkindness

6. Irritability

7. Sowing discord/division

8. Unwise thinking and speaking

9. Emotionally and mentally out of control (I actually wonder if I'm insane..still not sure LOL)

the list goes on...

This is how I have been over the past few days. I have NOT been loving God. I have been loving ME....AGAIN. I have had to go back and read my previous "Living the Call" posts many times...feeling like a hypocrite and quite convicted of my behavior. (Talk about holding yourself accountable.) I have sought counsel with some who are close to my heart and told them that it seems like the enemy props up a chair beside my bed at night (I have been suffering from insomnia, anxiety, cramps, nausea... and more while trying to sleep). It seems that as I start drifting off, this "enemy" starts attacking my physical body. Once I am "partially" conscious...it's as if this "enemy" starts attacking my mind, whispering in my ear...deceiving me to self-defeating thoughts that spin out of control...and cause me to doubt my faith and relationships with those I love. I begin worrying about life and digging up things from the past once forgiven...then I "un" forgive. I begin letting my emotions have control over my mind and things just go downhill from there. The deception grows. The more I listen to the lies...the more I believe them. They get nastier and I get nastier with each sleepless night filled with anxiety and despair...and I start hating life. Everything seems meaningless...a chasing after the wind. This really is true about life. It is meaningless...apart from God.

Here are the fruits that come from the Spirit of God:

1. Love

2. Joy

3. Peace

4. Long suffering (or patience)

5. Kindness

6. Goodness

7. Faithfulness

8. Gentleness

9. Self-control

These are not the fruits I have bore over the last few days. But, a precious sister in the faith spoke words of life to me last night and prayed with me. I had trouble falling asleep again (even after taking a muscle relaxer)...but I took heed to her words and did not allow my thoughts to be held captive by this "unseen enemy". Instead I held my thoughts captive to Christ. I wonder now if indeed there was an "enemy" of my soul sitting at my bedside because when I held my thoughts captive to Christ, rebuking any evil thought...it was if the "whisperer" fled. I fell fast asleep and did not wake again until morning. My heart, that had been racing (as it does most nights) settled down and I experienced the bliss of a good night's sleep. I awoke this morning singing a different tune (Heaven on Earth to be specific) as I determined to spend quality time with God...and I have been at it for hours! I can't possibly write everything He has spoken to me! Much of it was His kindness leading me to repentance. His faithfulness truly does satisfy. But my cup is not just filled..it is overflowing!

Funny, He started things this morning by encouraging me as I was preparing to have coffee. He filled me up from my coffee cup (I know...cheese). My cup reads, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles...." The remainder of that (not on my coffee cup) would be, "they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31-32. Some versions read, those who "hope" in the Lord.

I will not grow weary of the "wrongs" I experience in life. I will not grow faint as I run this race..as long as my hope is in God. Not ME. Not people. (Gosh how many times do I have to tell myself this before I actually start LIVING like this!!!) I can't seem to stop placing faith in people...even after seeing this I will only be let down time after time. I even think I can do things myself...without God's guidance...only to let myself down. I can't even minister to others without growing weary apart from Him or I will grow weary in doing good. Apart from God, the work will deplete me of strength. I will give up and walk away before God's work is done...leaving a mess for God to hand over to another for clean up..the "other" whose hope is in the Lord. Apart from Him I rob myself of a huge blessing and He hands it to another. I MUST NOT LET THIS HAPPEN! I have to continually remind myself that APART FROM THE VINE THE BRANCH WITHERS AND DIES. Placing hope and faith in people not only puts expectations on them that they cannot possibly live up to...but it's putting them above God. This is idol worship. I confess...I am guilty...but praise God, He has opened my eyes and revealed the Truth. His light has overcome the darkness yet again!

I cannot start my days without Him. Problem is, when I start my days in the Word...I can't seem to want to stop...which is why I have a hard time starting out that way. But, maybe, for this season in life...I need to be spending the majority of my time there until I am finally strong enough to walk away from the Word but still Walk IN it.

Love God

Living the Call Day 14 - His Love is Amazing!

2010-09-14T12:06:00.005-05:00

Author: Katie

I'm sitting here staring at my laptop wondering where to begin. I'm not sure what I am supposed to be writing. I only know that I am taken aback by God's presence today. I'm not sure what triggered the event or if anything did. God can choose to pour Himself out on anyone He pleases at anytime. I know it's nothing I have done or can do other than make myself available. He just chooses to lavish Himself on us his own good pleasure. He pours Himself into my life and smiles as He sees me overwhelmed by His presence!

As I am really focusing on Mark 12 and loving God, more and more I am becoming less and He is becoming greater in my life. More and more I am realizing how little I have to do for Him and how much more He wants to do through me. More and more I am realizing how little I have control over and I have no choice but to surrender to Him. More and more I am realizing how much of me still needs to be emptied...and how much more of me there is for Him to fill. THAT'S IT! That's what has me fired up! I have learned not to focus on how much of me is still in need of emptying...but on how much of me there is left for God to fill! Ha! Whatsoever things are excellent or praiseworthy (Phil 4:8)!!! This is why I want to take my enthusiast self to the top of the highest mountain and shout to all the world, "What is wrong with you people? Do you know what you are missing?"

More and more I am losing touch with carnal desires and finding myself focused on the eternal. More and more I want to lay down my life for His purpose. More and more I am learning to hate the self-centered part of me...and finding myself drawn to the God focused part of me. As all of these things take place, I am finally seeing myself through God's eyes...and loving who I am in Him. I am seeing myself through Christ and in Christ and the self-esteem issues are becoming less of an issue. I keep asking myself, "Why would God call me to build up women who have a low self-esteem when I have such a low opinion of myself?" I considered myself a hypocrite and felt powerless. Apart from Him...those are my best traits! Apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15:5) but in Him I can do all things (Phil. 4:13).

God has searched the deepest places in my heart over the last several years. He has been sifting me. It has been excruciating. It has been what I have prayed for by His lead. I have asked Him to empty me. He led me to this prayer because it is necessary for these things to happen...in order that He might fulfill His purpose in me. This is the good that God speaks of in Romans 8:28.

Several years ago I was led to pray Philippians 4:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death." Oh my goodness! There is so much meat right there in just one scripture! I could write a book on it! There is so much to understand! I couldn't possibly put it all in one blog! But for starters, I have pondered, what does fellowship of sharing in His sufferings mean?

God just moved in my heart to pause for a moment and read Philippians 4. He stopped me at Philippians 4:17, "Not that I seek the gift, but that I seek the fruit that abounds to your account" (another blog). As I searched the commentary for this particular verse I was drawn back to verse 11 and felt led to pray. With fear in my heart (which God had already spoken to me about in Phil. 4:6) I began to pray. I was led to ask God to teach me to be content with anything, to live above things, to be unaffected by my circumstances. After seeing what happened when I prayed to be emptied and to know Christ and the power of the fellowship of the sufferings several years ago, I was a bit nervous. But, then I confessed to Him, "My prayers will not bring about circumstances. You move me to pray about these things because of circumstances that you have already put into place. For this I praise you! You are preparing me and providing for me in advance that you might be glorified in and through what is to come! I am a cracked pot, a vessel fit for your presence. I am broken, yet You are able to remake me and fill me to overflowing!"

The truth God has spoken to my heart in this moment is that my prayers are preparation for what is to come as I become like Christ through rising above circumstances and having contentment in them. This is the fellowship with Christ I have through sharing in His sufferings. This is how Paul was able to praise God and witness in the midst of the worst circumstances. This is being emptied. This is loving God.

911 Nine Years Later

2010-09-11T21:06:00.005-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince
(an edited repost from 2002 and 2004)

It's 9/11 2010. Nine years later. September 11. It used to be just another day. I mean, pick one...does November 9th mean anything to you? What about February 27th? August 18th?

September 11th. We all remember what we were doing at the moment we heard the news. It impacted us all that day. That week. Now, nine years later...we say life isn't the same. How has your life changed? Honestly. How is your life any different today than it was September 10th, 2001? It seemed time stopped for a moment, in shock. Agony. Fear. We took a breath as we reflected on the "important" things in life. But, how are our lives different today? Maybe some things have changed at the airport, but really, my personal life is basically the same as it was September 10, 2001. I have basically the same job that I love, the same friends with some added to the treasure chest, I have the same family, I have the same daily triumphs and struggles. I know that a great many families suffered loss that awful day, and their lives are being lived without loved ones, but for most of us I believe not much has changed. I thank God for that. I thank God that I live in a country that allows me to worship Him, and a country that takes its freedom seriously. So seriously, in fact, that we have many volunteer soldiers willing to lay down their lives to defend our freedoms. I thank God that He has taken us from September 11th, 2001 to today. I thank God that He is a Comfort to those who suffer. God has blessed America.

I challenge you to think about how you are living your life today. Is it different than it was September 10th, 2001? If not, why? If so, how? Is that a good or bad thing?

My life has not changed in any significant way since that dreadful day, and I know why. It is because my God hasn't changed. He is the same today as He was yesterday, and as He was September 10, 2001. My foundation is in Christ, the Word, and the Word was, the Word is, and the Word will be. Everyone had their world rocked that day the planes hit, but was your foundation shaken? Did your foundation fail? If it did, you built on the wrong foundation.

"Everything works together for the good of everybody who loves God and is called according to His purpose."

Living the Call Day 10 - Amazing Grace

2010-09-08T09:20:00.013-05:00

Author: Katie

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see." Was blind...but now...I see!!!

Mark 12: 30-31

²⁹"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' ³¹The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these."

For the last week I have been writing about God's call for us to love Him. I was wondering if I would ever be able to move on to the next part...loving others. As I was focusing my heart and mind on loving God first and writing about what that means (which is a book in itself), I found myself being reminded of the past. I'm talking the way past, like elementary school past.

I confess that I struggle with self-esteem issues. This comes from a history of being the oddball..you know the person who sits at the table in the cafeteria with all the other "rejected classmates"...the "un" popular table. We all sat together because nobody else wanted to sit with us...not because we wanted to sit with each other. So, there we were all developing friendships with people we really didn't desire friendships with because we wanted to be friends with those who didn't want us to be friends with them! How stupid is this?

I truly believe this is where the draw to abusive people begins...at childhood. It is the unquenchable desire to belong, to fit, to be loved, and known by others. We want to be somebody God has not called us to be. We want to be popular and well known by others. Often we make terrible mistakes in order to get the status in life we so desperately desire. Often we are willing to sell our very souls..only to our own demise. This comes from the innate desire God has placed in us to be known and loved by Him. But we are so misguided by our sinful nature and deceived by an enemy we unknowingly embrace as our friend when our true friend for life is the one we often reject..the only One who has all the love we seek and knows how to love perfectly.

One would think this self-destructing desire to be in the "in" crowd would stop after becoming a Christian. Accepting Christ saves our souls but often we trade off a healthy relationship with God and others in order to achieve status in Christian "groups" (often referred to as cliques). We desire to be friends with the "popular" Christians and to feel accepted by the "in" crowd of believers. (Ah yes...the enemy is alive and well in the church..and bent on keeping the lost out and the saved blind). After all, there isn't a human being on planet earth who can say that they enjoy rejection. We all have a desire to be accepted and loved by somebody. It is in us because the root of this desire is a need for perfect love from the Father. Yet, even in the church...even as Christians...we just keep "looking for love in all the wrong places". (Okay..I know..corny...just sayin'.)

Unfortunately, this "love" we seek is distorted and we are confused. Look at all the books written about love. One that I have read recently is, "The Five Love Languages". I have discovered that my main love language is quality time. I do not feel loved when those I love are not willing to give me quality time. I also feel like others feel loved when I give them quality time. But for some, giving and receiving gifts defines love. Sadly, since that is not my love language...too often, others who do not see quality time as love, will not understand that I am loving them. They instead may feel suffocated and want to get away from me. Then I no longer feel loved.

It's almost as if love is defined by how "I" see it. The problem I have with this is that the only part about love that has to do with me is whether or not I am doing it and doing it right. Love is not about what I get. It's about what I give...what I do. Why do so many people seek so many places to find the meaning of love. So many authors have gotten rich of of people's need to understand love.

Truthfully, there is no need for any other book to be written because God wrote the only book we need that very clearly defines love. God taught us love because He lived it. He sent His One and Only to demonstrate pure and perfect love. It is all about self-sacrifice. It's all about sacrificing your desires and your time and your comfort and your money to give to another. It's about being willing to give up your very life to answer the call of God.

So, here are a few definitions of love for those who may be seeking to understand. Love is not something you say or feel. It is something you do. Love may make you feel good and want to tell somebody about it...but if you are doing it...the words "I love you" will never need to fall from your lips for another to know that you do. In addition, you know you love and know you are loved even when it may not feel so good.

1 Corinthians 13

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I write these words from the fingers of one who has not been loving God, others, or myself. I have been impatient, unkind, envious, self-exalting (therefore not exalting God). I have been angry, keeping perfect records of all wrongs ever done to me, I have delighted in deceiving myself, therefore blinding myself from Truth. I started to lose hope, put up walls, created an inability to trust (based my trust on people instead of God), but I will not accept defeat! I will persevere with Christ in me, the Hope of Glory...perfect love.

To continue with my story...

I have spent the last week looking over my life, rekindling the pain of rejection. I have been wondering what is wrong with me that people are repelled by me? Why do I have so much trouble making and maintaining healthy friendships? I have focused on rejection by my parents, my friends, the church...so much. I could write a book on rejection and it would probably be a best seller!!!! I began to feel hopeless and pathetic. This led to a domino effect that led me to unforgiving those I have forgiven, taking back what I have let go of, resurrecting a past that was dead and buried, and a gigantic pity party...the guest of honor..who else? ME!

This is why I have not been posting over the last few days (aside from being very busy). I knew my heart wasn't in the right place. I had to get it right and have spent the last couple days crying out for God to deliver me from my enemies...only to discover yet again who my worst enemy is...satan? No...he is no threat to me. God has made that clear. My worst enemy is myself. I deceive myself right out of loving God by not loving my enemy...not loving others more than I love myself. The funny part about that is, I'm really not loving me either when I am so selfish. I'm hurting my relationship with God and others..and as a result..I am hurting myself more than anyone.

My former pastor once said something to me that I really had a hard time grasping...but now I understand. We must be careful not to give satan more credit than he deserves. Sometimes we need trials to open our eyes to who we really are. Much of the time our trials are consequences of our own actions. And often, God sends trials our way to teach us. And even in the rare instance that our torment may be related to the evil one...he can only go as far as God will allow for His good purpose and glory...Therefore, for our ultimate good. (See Romans 8:28.)

So, now my loving, amazing, wonderful God and Lord of my life has spoken to me in the time I have given to Him today (I'm thinking His love language is the same as mine...quality time..he he). He clearly spoke through the devotions I read and His word. And He has brought into light that which was hidden in darkness. I praise Him for the darkness because His glory shines much brighter and clearer in the darkness. He has made clear that which I could not see. He has shown me the dirt and swept it away. Once again...He has made my heart clean. This, in the Christian realm is known as a filling of the Holy Spirit. I have been born again again! The old has passed away. I have been clothed in righteousness. He has made me new...again! Feels like the very first time!

"My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, My Savior has ransomed me. And like a FLOOD...HIS MERCY REIGNS! UNENDING LOVE, Amazing grace."

Love God

Living the Call Days 3 and 4

2010-09-03T10:36:00.004-05:00

Author: Katie

Didn't have time to write yesterday...didn't really have a serious quiet time although I did converse with my Father throughout the day. So, this is why the days are combined. It is funny how God speaks to you in the strangest things...most unlikely moments. Today, as I was walking and He was ministering to me through Rebecca St. James' "The Cradle Song"...of all songs. (I have had it for years but never really listened and it was so appropriate for the need this morning.) Here are the words..

Jesus I love You my Lord my life

Where would I be without You
Here in the quiet, the still the night
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You
Trials may come and friends they may go
What really matters is You, my Lord
Jesus I love You my Lord my life
Where would I be without You
Here in the quiet, the still the nightI am in awe of You
Why would You, Creator and King,
Come as a baby for all, for me
Beautiful Savior my God, my friend
I am in awe of You I am in awe of You

I want to be in awe of Him like that! I have suffered a huge blow in the area of relationships recently...and the pain has been overwhelming at times. But when I stand in awe of Him...I can't feel anything but ultimate joy, perfect peace, and complete love...and I can see how He has blessed me beyond what I thought I had lost.

But what I am about to write is the unusual part. As I was walking (and lost in the moment), I saw a garbage truck and remembered that I forgot to put the can out! So my walk became a run as I jogged back to the house...then walked...then jogged...then walked really fast and stopped jogging altogether because I am old and out of shape. I made it in time to add some trash to the can that I put out. As I opened the lid of the garbage can, at the very top, I found an old sermon notes page I had thrown away while cleaning my office. It was from many years ago....August 20, 1995 to be exact. On the page were written these words:

"Katrina,

Just a reminder...I know how you are feeling and I am with you. Remember to lay down your burdens at my feet and I will take them from you. I will never leave you. Remember also as you are suffering that these trials will soon become blessings because through these trials I am making you more like Me! There is nothing material that can give you the peace that you will have through Me. Pray and read My Word. Lean on Me.

Love, God"

Wow! GOD SPOKE TO ME ABOUT MY GARBAGE FROM MY GARBAGE!

At the time the note was written I was unknowingly living in an abusive situation. My children were just babies. I didn't know how bad it was or how much worse it was going to get... but I hurt so bad in my heart all the time. I am not sure what exactly was going on on August 20, 1995, but I do know this, God spoke to my hurts that day. He spoke truth that breathed life into my weary soul. He gave me love and hope. I know this because I recorded the words He spoke. If I didn't believe and didn't receive hope, I would never have written them down to remind me....little did I know the reminder would come 15 years, new heartaches, a new wonderful husband, and two amazing adult children later.

He really did bring blessings from those trials...and they have really changed me. Now, I am trying to heal from new wounds from broken relationships...relationships that I treasured. History often repeats itself in new ways with new people through different circumstances..funny how that is...but this time I am different. I know I am very blessed and I am really growing to love my new life and seeing God's hand prints all around all the time. But I really have to watch my thought life and try not to miss the blessings because I keep looking back, missing the blessings that I have before me. I keep desiring to focus on the pain that just won't seem to subside...instead of focusing on the One who is my only hope of deliverance and complete healing. Or, this may be the thorn I carry for the rest of my life to remind me that people can never take God's place in my heart.

I keep seeing other people as enemies, betrayers, deceivers. I even see myself as my own worst enemy. In a way I am...apart from God. The only deceiver is satan and I can allow myself to be deceived or I can listen to the Voice of Truth that tells me a different story. People aren't my enemies...but my brothers and sisters in Christ have the same enemy I do...working on them daily. His plan is to divide the body of Christ. His work is focused in the church. God calls me to pray for those I see as enemies....and He calls me to do this because they need it as much as I do. They fall prey to the same deceptions from the master deceiver. They face the same battle I fight daily...the battle to put self on a pedestal and to look out for number one. We battle to be looked upon well by others when we should only seek God's approval. The enemy's plan is to confuse us and turn us against each other...and he has been doing this well for centuries. I think his ultimate weapon is pride. It is in our nature to exalt ourselves and the only way to overcome is to exalt God.

In our best effort and strongest moment as humans we fail to give God the glory and honor He alone deserves. Our only hope is Jesus Christ, His Son. We must choose to receive Him as Lord of our life. We have to take off the crown of glory we have bestowed upon ourselves and place it where it belongs...on the King of Kings.

We shouldn't expect others to take notice of our good deeds...or then we have our reward. I want my reward to come from the Father. I want to hear Him say, "Well done my good and faithful servant". I want to get to a place where how others look upon me is not a concern of mine and the deeds that I do are for HIS glory alone. These trials in my life...these excruciating, difficult, heart wrenching trials...they are the key to being emptied of myself and filled with Him. For this reason I can praise Him in the midst of it all.

He takes away anything that I exalt above Him...and this is for my good. My God is a jealous God...jealous FOR me. He wants me to worship Him because He is perfect and Holy and He is Everything I need to experience an overabundance of blessing, peace, rest, joy, and love. As long as there is one ounce of selfishness motivating me...I will need trials. The fire purifies.

This is why God commands me to love Him first...and why this is the greatest commandment of all. Apart from this, I can do nothing...I have nothing. Apart from this, everything in life is meaningless...a chasing after the wind.

Love God

Living the Call Day 2

2010-08-31T21:38:00.002-05:00

Author: Katie

Mark 12:31: "...and the second is this, love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."

Nothing really exciting to write today. It was a very busy day. I started journaling and spending time with God but then that time was interrupted and I had to go to the Dr. for a Cardiac MRI. Not to worry. It was just a precautionary thing...I have a healthy happy heart!

All in all it was a rather fun day which included running around with my crazy friend, Pam who makes me laugh almost the entire time we are together! We picked out paint for the new office, then I had to do some business in the admin. building at UAB. We went to lunch at this awesome artsie fartsie cafe (Lucy's) a couple blocks away before heading to the Kirklin for the MRI. We found out rather quickly that the MRI was not scheduled at the Kirklin...it was in another building in the hospital....we had lots of fun trying to find the place where I had to go.

By the time I got there we had crossed over 4 blocks without ever leaving the building (well except for a brief moment in a parking deck)! It's no fun getting lost alone but when two crazy people get lost together...it can be quite entertaining...for everyone involved! Everywhere we went people laughed and smiled. Not sure they were laughing with us or at us...but it really doesn't matter. Laughter is healing so if they were laughing at us...praise God...we brought healing into their lives.

After running a couple more errands, we headed back to the house to try out the paint samples I purchased at Lowe's. Then Michael and I watched a movie called, "To Save a Life"...and it really made a huge impact on me...one that I'm sure to talk about in future blogs. I highly recommend it to all believers. It has a pretty important message and it really can make you think about how you treat other people...and how you don't know how one interaction with another can make the difference between life and death.

As far as my interrupted time with God, I will continue where I left off in the morning. As far as ordering the day...well, we are still on the Loving God part...because loving Him...covers a multitude of things.

The thing I am pondering now is...

I am an entrepreneur like the Proverbs 31 woman (a woman I have been reading about who has been a big motivation for my leap of faith). So the question I am processing...is my call to ministry a priority over my career or my career over the ministry? Earning a living means I minister to my family...and my family comes first before church...but not before God. From where I am now, I believe that writing is supposed the top priority over Mary Kay and over other ministry activities. The writing is a big part of the call I am writing about living...ha! Figure that one out! But, so is reaching out to do my part of God's work in rebuilding the cities long devastated in the lives of modern day widows and fatherless children. All of this follows my first 2 priorities...God and my family.

Before you decide to help me as I seek answers to my questions...I am not looking for an answer from a person at this time. I am trusting God with this and I am sure He will give me the answers as I study His Word and pray.

As for day 3...

Tomorrow, I will get up early, have my time with God...then meet with a wonderful new friend to discuss a wonderful opportunity for ministry...one that will also minister to me. This is where the next part of Mark 12:30-31 comes in.

By the way..the color for the room...peach kiss! I LOVE IT! Thanks for your help, Pam!

LOVE GOD!

Living the Call Day 1

2010-08-30T15:15:00.003-05:00

Author: Katie

Jesus said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind and with all your strength. This is the first and greatest commandment..." Mark 12:30

Today I begin a new historic moment in my life. A few months ago, God called me to take a huge leap of faith and give up my full-time job in order to live the call He placed on my life many years ago. It was not an easy decision to make by any stretch of the imagination. I had the most wonderful job in my life! I also liked my paycheck! However, He has provided for me to do this and all open doors pointed in this direction. He has set so many things into motion and now I am following His lead on yet another journey...one day at a time. I plan to record this journey as I go, here on Sister's Weblog. I know there are soooooo many fans just dying to take time out of their busy schedule to follow me on this journey! LOL.

Anyhow, this is going to be a very informal series of journals...more just to have for my personal record than anything else. However, I do invite friends and loved ones...and strangers even...to join me on this adventure. You never know...God may use it in your life somehow.

Today, as I opened the Word to seek God's order to my days. The topic of the discussion with my King was First things First...Mark 12:29-31 and Matthew 22: 37-40.

So, now I know the FIRST thing I need to do each day. Spend time with God. I didn't start today out very well because I cleaned and organized first when I was supposed to spend time with Him. Tomorrow I will do better.

The most important relationship I have needs to be the relationship I have with my Father.

Since I waited so long to start my quiet time today, I don't have time to elaborate on the things God spoke to me in this journal today...but I will edit and update tomorrow. Until then....

Love God.

Hurting People

2010-07-28T09:01:00.003-05:00

Author: Katie

Today, as I was driving to work with my heart still missing my Bestie (who recently passed away very unexpectedly) so much, I started thinking about the people in the cars around me, and watching the people in the streets of Downtown Birmingham. I wondered who's heart was hurting, who had a loved one in the hospital dying, a rebellious teenager, depression, serious financial problems, whatever...

I thought about myself in my car going to work like everyone else...with such an ache in my heart and a feeling of desperation just to talk to my Bestie one more time. Nobody around me knew the pain in my heart. Nobody was aware that the person who just stopped at the red light had just lost her best friend. Then I got to thinking...

I don't know about them either. I don't know the people driving all around me. I don't know if they are on the mountain tops or deep in the dark valleys.

We go through life in a bubble. God wants us to be outwardly focused. I find that my heart doesn't hurt so much and I am not quite so miserable when I put others first. I am miserable when I put me first...so why do I seem to have this constant tendency to do that? I realize that I am in the same boat as everyone else...suffering the same heartbreaks and rejoicing over the same victories. They need to be loved just as much as I do. They want somebody to talk to just like me. And just like me, they long to fit somewhere, to be understood.

What is really amazing is that it helped me understand more about how Jesus came to earth to be like me. As a man, he suffered heartbreaks just like I do. He had celebrations and experienced the same victories as the rest of us. He experienced times of loneliness, abandonment, feeling unloved, rejected, out of place, and abused. He understands my heart because He is not in a bubble. He is with me, feeling my pain with me, rejoicing in my victories with me...always loving me...always there...even when it seems like everyone else is oblivious.

Why is it so hard to realize that He is the One I need most. When I realize that He is enough....He is. It is only then that I can step out of myself and be Jesus to others around me who are trying to find their way to Him.

God and Time

2010-07-16T09:00:00.005-05:00

Author: Katie

This question was asked to me via a friend through email...

"Present, past, future... If God is outside of time, can we pray for things in the past?... Can I still pray for God to heal [a broken and dissolved] marriage, or to heal [a sick relative] from 30 years ago?"

Here are my thoughts in response to my friend's question....

It's not a matter of "if" God is outside of time. I don't even think that's an accurate way to state it. God is not "outside" of anything. God IS. He is the God of time...therefore He is not in or outside of the present, past, or future...but He is the ruler over it. If He wanted to change the past, He could. He doesn't have to travel there to do it either. Picture it like this...He is standing in the center of a circle. The circle is time. He sees it all and can pop in and out as He wishes...but He stays in the center and observes. He knows the future...and sees everything in the past...but He is actively involved in what we know as the present. God is the Author of time and we just have to believe it...not understand it. There are some things we can not and never will be able to wrap our minds around and we can make ourselves crazy trying to explain the unexplainable.

For me...I know I am supposed to pray. I know it's not because God needs it. Prayer is not a manipulation tactic. It's not to make a wish come true. Prayer is for me. It helps to create an awareness of my own concerns and my own heart...and it keeps me in communication with God. Without that communication, I cannot make it through life. When I talk to God, He talks back. I grow and am strengthened for battle. He already knows what I am going to say and He already knows the answer to my prayer. He already knows and has already met my need (I just haven't arrived there yet). He already knows the outcome of the situation and His plan to carry me through.

Prayer makes me aware of His presence and His work in my life. Prayer keeps me in communication and fellowship. Prayer does change things...it changes me. It changes how I respond to people and life's situations. Praying for others teaches me to be others focused. Then, when I see God work in those situation, it gives me testimony and it glorifies Him. I am not going to pray for something in the past to change because God is Lord over the past and He allowed things to unfold as they did because it made the present what it is...and since He is in control of all things...the present is exactly how He has ordained it to be...pain and suffering, happiness and health, joy and sorrow, it is what it is by His authority.

He gave us free will from the beginning. It is what we do with that gift that molds the events in life...and we are all connected by that free will and affected by that free will and the connection goes all the way back to the deception in the garden. God allows us to experience consequences because He is perfect and works through those consequences. They are not bigger than Him.

So, in a manner of speaking...the forbidden fruit that brought sin into the world is the past, present, AND future. It is sin that makes life ugly and spreads like a disease...a fire out of control. Everything we do impacts everyone around us. It goes further than we can imagine. Do you think that if Eve could have seen and understood the consequences of eating the fruit, that she would still have done it? If she could have seen the world today as a result of her decision to turn her back on God? Her sin didn't begin with eating the fruit...but with putting self above God and Adam (others)...that is the fruit that poisons us all to this day. But we have a merciful God who has always had a plan to provide for the forgiveness of sin and our reconciliation to Him.

Before Eve was created, God already planned to send the Redeemer...because prior to Eve's sin (the past) God was. He was there when she turned from Him (her present)...and during Christ's birth death and Resurrection (mankind's future). It is all present for God because He is all in all and everywhere. He is perfect. He is Holy. He is just. He is merciful. He is righteous and all powerful. He is God. He is the Author and Creator of all life. I want to know Him more and I am more concerned with growing in faith and trust than having it all make sense tied up in a pretty little package of human logic. His ways are not like mine and my human logic is quite opposite of His. So I trust His because He is perfect. I know He will guide me. He has never failed to do that. I know when I am obedient, His blessings fall...even and in spite of suffering that may be a part of it. He is still God over my circumstances and I trust Him. He talks to me when I read His Word and when I pray. I know I will never figure out his "mind". His thoughts are so far beyond my capability...so I don't try to make sense of what will never make sense this side of Heaven. I just want to know His heart...and I want my heart to be like His. Then my heart will direct my mind and my thoughts will be of Him and others...not me. That's what matters.

The Holy Spirit will guide me into Truth. He will teach me what I need to know...on a need to know basis. I accept that there are questions I will never be able to have answered. I accept that there are answers I will never be able to comprehend in my human finite mind...and I am okay with that...because I know my Father knows the answers and my life is in His hands. Faith like a child...that's what I desire.

In a nutshell, we cannot change the course of History. God is not going to change it because He was in control when it happened...why should He change it? He allowed it for His purpose and for His glory...and for our good. (Those are His words not mine.)

Therefore, from a Kingdom perspective...it is perfect part of His plan as it stands (even as ugly as it can appear from our perspective...but it can also be beautiful depending on how you look at it). He allows things to happen to make things what they are so that what is to come will be as He has ordained it. Nothing happens under the sun that is a surprise to Him....or that He cannot change or control at any given moment. It is what it is because He is Who He says He is.

What we see as good/bad...God sees as a tiny speck in the midst of a huge gloriously beautiful painting that He has already completed. We see the speck and the painting is too huge for us to see the whole picture...we must see through the eyes of the Artist and the only way we can do that is to be open for Him to show us...little by little in His time and His way by His choosing. He is perfect.

Our head must connect to our heart but our heart must first connect to God's...or else our heart will work with our mind to deceive us away from Him. History proves this. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes....."

I can really open another can off worms on suffering with this one because I believe that suffering began when man did the opposite of this proverb...and continues because we still do.

That is why I walk by faith and not by sight…..”

Thinking About My Youth

2010-07-12T23:49:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I was sitting in front of my computer tonight and something struck me "funny". As a kid, I was so into music, mostly the music of the day, although as I was so into band I became a lover of all types of music. I would sit downstairs where my stereo was and play album after album and listen non-stop to music. I had my favorite radio stations and knew every song on the radio. I could scan stations and name each song I heard a snippet of; title, artist, album and year. I kept that skill for many years until it began to die off when my interest in pop music began to wane in the late eighties.

The table downstairs was the old kitchen table. I placed my turntable in the center against the wall, and speakers to either side. The table was then decorated creatively with my beer can collection. I would display my collection on that table and all over the speakers, stacking them into shining towers of my most prized beer cans, the rare imported ones. I had some good ones, too! Often, those cans would come crashing down because the vibration from the music would rattle them out of place. A few times I think I awakened my parents in the middle of the night when those cans all came tumbling down. Oops. My bad! LOL

I would doodle a lot when I sat there at the table listening to music. I would write poems, draw pictures, jot down the name of my crush just to see what it looked like next to mine, compose letters, and just fill up a page with doodles. That's all they were, doodles.

What struck me tonight was that I do the same thing today. Wow. It's thirty years later and I sit in front of my computer, which doubles as my stereo. Two speakers stare at me and I sit and instead of doodling, I surf the web. I do the same kind of thing. I don't write poetry, but I could; "Roses are red, violets are blue, you think this will rhyme, but it won't." I don't draw pictures and doodle much anymore, instead I post to my blog or update my Twitter feed or Facebook status.

I had such an awesome kidhood. :)

It just kind of struck me funny tonight that I'm doing exactly the same thing today that I did in the late 70s and early 80s. It bloggles the mind!

The Book of Eli

2010-07-11T21:38:00.002-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

If you have not seen The Book of Eli yet, stop reading now. This post will have spoilers.

This is the plot synopsis from IMDB: Eli (Denzel Washington) has been on a journey for 30 years, walking west across America after a cataclysmic war that turned the earth into a total wasteland. The world has become a lawless civilization where people must kill or be killed. The barren roads belong to gangs of cutthroats who rob and kill for water, a pair of shoes, a lighter, or just for fun. Eli is a peaceful man who only acts in self defense, and becomes a warrior with unbelievable killing skills when he is challenged. After the war and the "Big Flash", Eli was guided by a higher power to a hidden book and given the task of protecting the book and taking it to its final destination. Eli guards the book with his life, because he knows that the book is the only hope that humanity has for its future.

I've now seen this film three times. The first time I was alone in a movie theater taking it all in. The other two times it was to see it again myself in order to ponder it with the insight of having already seen it, and also to introduce my friends to it. I wanted to talk about the movie and you can't unless the people you talk to have already seen it, or you will ruin it for them. It is a given. That is the reason I haven't posted about it until now. I didn't want to spoil it for my friends.

A few things immediately come to mind when I think about The Book of Eli: what it means to love the Word of God, the supernatural protection Eli had, the faith aspect of the film, how evil and desolate a place can be when its inhabitants have no knowledge of God, and how even evil does in fact recognize God's word.

I remember the first time seeing it, and thinking to myself wow. If we only treasured the Book like this man does. Protecting it with his life. I have five or six bibles hanging out in my house, a few in the car and so there is always one available. But, do I cherish the fact that I have them? No. Not like I should. Do I read it everyday like Eli does? No. Not like I should. And what would it be like to have possession of the last existing Bible?

I remember conviction coming over me as I thought about the fact that some people don't have the Holy Bible available to them, and I do. It is readily available to me and I should thank God for that rather than take it for granted.

Eli loved that book. It was evident in how he protected it by covering it and securing it in his pack after each reading. He kept the book locked with a key and he would kiss it as he slid it back into its protective bag. Eli slept with it always within his reach. If anyone tried to take that book, it was a sure death sentence for that person.

Eli understood and respected the power in the words of the book he had carried in his possession for thirty years. Unfortunately, so did Carnegie, the man who was the leader over a city that was as depraved as any city inhabited by people without knowledge of God. He ruled by intimidation and weapons, but he knew that Eli had a more powerful weapon and was determined to take it. Carnegie was evil to the core and knew that the Bible has powerful words and that if he had that book, he could use the words in it to have power over all the people. He said "it's been done before". That was an absolutely chilling statement to me.

Some people seem to debate if in fact [ major spoiler alert ] Eli was blind throughout the film. I believe that the scenes at the end of the film that alternated between Carnegie finally getting his first look at the book he stole from Eli, and the camera focusing in on Eli's eyes as he is reciting scripture, are pointing out the fact that Eli was a blind man. This is a twist in the film that I did not expect and was totally blown away by. That obviously added an entirely different dimension to the movie for me because then I had to replay some of the scenes in my mind to totally grasp the awesomeness of that. I mean, how did Eli fight so well as to kill to protect that book and himself when others were so bent on killing him and taking that book? How could he walk through towns he was unfamiliar with so seemingly flawlessly? How? How could he have accomplished his mission to "go west" for thirty years while being absolutely blind?

Once I was aware of the blindness of the character of Eli and watched the film again, there are nuances that are shown very subtly that reveal that he is in fact blind. For example; in many scenes the action is slowed down and the audio becomes the main focus. In the very beginning of the movie we hear the cracking of branches as a cat makes its way through a burned out forest. We hear the cries and purrs of the cat which helps Eli know its location. Later Eli comes to an abandoned home where he opens some cupboards but reaches up to feel what is in them. He opens a door, which consequently falls off the hinges, startling him, but the viewer thinks he is reacting to the dead body hanging there. A few other times in the movie it becomes apparent that Eli is being guided by the faint sounds of his surroundings. Very interesting to observe the movie again, once you know he is blind.

I believe that The Book of Eli explains how he was able to accomplish his mission in total blindness by subtly unveiling the supernatural throughout the story. Eli shares with Solara, a young girl who becomes his walking companion, how he came to be in possession of the book. He shares that he "heard a voice and the voice led him to the book." Eli also explains that the voice told him to "go west" and that is why, for thirty years, he's been walking across the country heading west. In a somewhat humorous exchange, Eli explains a little more:

Solara: You know, you say you've been walking for thirty years, right?
Eli: Right?
Solara: Have you ever thought that maybe you were lost?
Eli: Nope.
Solara: Well, how do you know that you're walking in the right direction?
Eli: I walk by faith, not by sight.
Solara: [sighs] What does that mean?
Eli: It means that you know something even if you don't know something.
Solara: That doesn't make any sense.
Eli: It doesn't have to make sense. It's faith, it's faith. It's the flower of light in the field of darkness that's giving me the strength to carry on. You understand?
Solara: Is that from your book?
Eli: No, it's, uh, Johnny Cash, Live at Folsom Prison.

What an example of what it means to walk by faith and not by sight! The second time viewing this movie, this scene obviously had more weight to it for me. He was demonstrating what walking by faith really is, it is "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 1:11) Eli was aware of the importance of his mission to get that book to a safe haven, the future of humanity and the world was dependent on it, and this was his hope. To anybody who didn't hear the same voice that Eli heard, his mission was nonsense. An outsider could in no way grasp Eli's determination to finish his mission, or fathom why on earth he would bother trying, let alone see it as something that was even possible to do. But Eli understood that with God, all things are possible. (Mark 10:27

I was convicted about some issues in my own personal life and made me question how much faith I have. I've even said on occasion to a friend who asked me to pray, "I can't. I have weak faith today." I want to have a faith that would make me take a sure step in total blindness, fighting off evil at every turn, totally trusting God to be in control, and never straying from the narrow. Eli was tempted to stray from the course, too, but demonstrated holding his thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ when he came upon some trouble and had to remind himself, "Stay on the path. It's not your concern. Stay on the path. It's not your concern."

The remarkable thing about the Word of God is what it says about itself and the Creator. It says that "only a fool says there is no God." (Psalm 14:1) and that "even demons believe". (James 2:19) In the Book of Eli, even the evil people were not so ignorant as to say there is no god. In fact, the evil Carnegie acknowledged the power of the Word of God, even though his purpose was to pervert it for his own gain. When one thinks about it, that is exactly what evil is, perverting what is good for our own personal gain. And, often, it happens so subtly that it can easily be unnoticed until it has totally infiltrated one's heart, until the heart becomes hardened. Sad.

The bible teaches that even the demons believe and shudder, and in The Book of Eli, the evil people noted the supernatural when one of the men pursuing Eli, after having come upon a couple of men "only a few hours dead" remarked "it's like he's protected somehow, nothing can touch him." Eli's pursuer's recognized that he was "different" because of how he has been able to escape their grasp a few times already. Earlier he had miraculously escaped from a guarded room and they had witnessed him walking away from an gun battle in which he was drastically outnumbered. In another scene they were seeing what was left in Eli's wake as he continued to "go west". Also, the voice Eli heard did tell him that he and Solara would get out of another gun battle alive. Eli totally trusted what the voice in his heart would tell him. Conviction came over me because sometimes I may suppress the voice of God in me, oh me of little faith!

Evil people understand the power of God's Word, and too often, sinful people use it improperly for personal gain, rather than to glorify God and lead people to a knowledge of Him and His Love. Carnegie angrily responded to one of his men questioning his determination and fervor to go through all of this trouble for a book? "IT'S NOT A #$%^*&' BOOK! IT'S A WEAPON. A weapon aimed right at the hearts and minds of the weak and the desperate. It will give us control of them. If we want to rule more than one small, $#%^&' town, we have to have it. People will come from all over, they'll do exactly what I tell 'em if the words are from the book. It's happened before and it'll happen again. All we need is that book."

In The Book of Eli, the viewer sees what remains of a world that no longer has knowledge of God and it is a desolate place. It is filled with depravity everywhere one turns. After the third viewing of this movie, my friend opened her Bible to Isaiah 24 and began reading. Wow. What a comparison to what we had just witnessed on screen. I urge you to go read it for yourself and just contemplate what life without God is like.

I was really taking note of something Eli said when asked about what the world was like "before"? He answered Solara saying, "People had more than they needed, people didn't know what was precious and what wasn't, people threw away things they kill each other for now. " Throughout the movie it is evident that water was the hot commodity. Everybody wanted water, and he who had water had power and wealth. Chapstick was another hot item.

People were desperate for things that give life. People weren't fighting for the last hot toy of the Christmas season on the shelf. People were bargaining for, begging for, water, a life-giving substance. It made me ponder what true poverty is? It made me think about materialism and I'm pondering if it is sin in my life. Am I throwing away what people might kill for in the future?

It was amazing to think that God's plan for Eli was to walk for thirty years, read His Word everyday, and protect the book. What happened was astounding, and that was the fact that all those years of reading the book allowed Eli to commit the entire Bible, chapter and verse, to memory. It was written on his heart and when the book was stolen away by the evil Carnegie, who later learned that the book was of no use to him because it was all in braille. Eli was able to have the Bible transcribed and humanity would now have the Word of God as it tried to start civilization again.

This emphasized to me the importance of learning Scripture and reading it everyday. It needs to be written on my heart, my future depends on it!

There are so many discussion points in The Book of Eli. It is a movie that really made me stop and ponder many things. I know that it is just a movie, but the spiritual truths it highlights are worth discussing and thinking about. I've rambled on enough about some of my thoughts on it, and believe me, I haven't shared all of my thoughts on it. Now I'd like to hear yours if you have any you wish to share.

"Coming Out" on Jennifer Knapp's Coming Out

2010-07-07T14:07:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

This is a tough one for me. You see, I LOVE Jennifer Knapp's music. I basically held vigil for her return after her spontaneous withdrawal from all things music in 2001. And yes, I heard all the rumors and chose not to believe them. I would at least give her the benefit of the doubt. Rumors are often wrong about what they say, and they are always wrong to spread or participate in.

Upon her return to music, I was ecstatic to catch her live show in Nashville at The Belcourt Theater last November, 2009. I saw her again in the Spring at TPAC in downtown Nashville. Then, in the April 13th, 2010 edition of Christianity Today, she shared her "secret" with the world and announced her homosexuality.

What are my thoughts? Ache. Disappointment. Sadness. Confusion. I had many questions: Should I listen to her music? How can I listen to her music? Is my buying her music condoning sinful behavior? Am I sinning while listening to it? How can a person who has written some of the most passionate music ever written about God's mercy and love, turn her back on His Word? Does she pray her own prayers, by that I mean her songs, which are humble prayers? These and many other questions came to mind as I read about the struggles Knapp has endured, and the temptation she eventually gave herself over to. Heartbreaking.

Stop. stop. stop this foolish pride of mine.
That dares to drag me far away from you.
When I try to do it my way I always lose.
I always lose your point of view.

I don't intend to debate this issue. I have participated in conversations about this news, especially when it first broke. I have read what both sides of the spectrum have to say about this, and now I'm going to just put out there some of my thoughts on this.

Lord, come with your fire,
Burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Refine me

It is not sin for me to listen to Jennifer Knapp's music or to buy it. However, when I hear a song, what does it make me think about? It makes me grieve. I think about her sin. It does remind me to pray for her, but it is difficult for me to listen to her music and not wonder how it can be that she has written some of the most heartfelt prayers set to music, and then fall so far? This is not condemnation, this is a serious question. Did she really want to know Him? Did she really want to be refined?

We are all susceptible to falling out of fellowship with the Lord which is why the Bible teaches us to "be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall..." (2 Peter 3:17) and "if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted" (Galatians 6:1).

I am sure she has run into her share of "christians" who have demonstrated an ungodly attitude toward her and have heaped condemnation on her, and not tried to restore her gently. In fact, before her "news" broke, it was evident by some of what she shared at her live shows that she had encountered some "issues" with "church people". This has not represented Christ well at all. Knapp is a sister in Christ, and as with any brother or sister, we should embrace her and love her, just as God loves us. We can not condone her sin, but we can let her know she is loved and that we would so like to see her restored into a right relationship with the Lord. You see, when somebody chooses sin, or to live their life in contradiction to the Word of God, they are choosing to serve a different master, they are choosing to serve themselves, or the world, and one can not serve two masters. Either you serve God, or you serve the god of this world. It is heartbreaking to observe sin running its course.

Often the argument is "but we all sin". True, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but the difference is repentance. God can not forgive excuses. God can not forgive alibis. God can only forgive sin. God will make one clean again, but, one must choose to turn from their sin.

In reading some of the interviews Knapp had with the media after the news broke, including some of what was said on the Larry King Live interview, it was noticeable that she was uncomfortable calling herself "Christian" and instead would say "woman of faith", or "I have faith". She mentioned the difficulty she had and still has singing some of her old songs. I wonder if it is because the Holy Spirit uses her own words and music to smite her and convict her? She said she doesn't currently have a church home, and I can't help but question why? If she had a church home maybe her church family would help restore her to the fellowship, and the reason she stays away from church is because she knows she has chosen sin over submission to God's Word, therefore a healthy functioning gospel church is the last thing she would want.

"For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." (Matthew 7:13)

It is apparent to me that Knapp does not want to be some "poster child" for homosexuals and/or to promote a "christian homosexual" agenda, but unfortunately with her fame and notoriety, she is thrust into the spotlight by default and has inevitably become somewhat of a reluctant spokesperson. I believe she is gifted by God and is a talented artist, but her art right now is being perverted. Also, satan is having a field day using this to "make it ok" for others trapped in the same sinful lifestyle. What is sad as well, is that many in the Christian community have chosen to condemn, rather than try to restore, and this serves to hurt the cause of Christ.

You in the mirror. staring back at me. O' conscience let me be....to the pure, all things are pure. To those who defiled unbelieving: nothing is pure. Their minds, their conscience defiled. They profess to know God. But deceive him by deeds all the while.

God loves Jennifer Knapp. He wants a thriving relationship with her. She is confused and God is not the author of confusion. Does she not see that she is defiled? That she is professing to know God but deceives Him by her deeds? In the interviews I've read/seen, she questions the interpretation of the Bible in places...and most of her songs are scripture! Or, at least they used to be! Does she not believe it now? It is way too convenient to "interpret" the Bible to say what we want it to say so that we can have our way. God hates sin, and He hates it whether or not we acknowledge a certain behavior is sin. Sin is sin, and the wages of sin is death. Choosing sin keeps us separated from the love of God. It is an uncomfortable place to be which is why Knapp sang "Undo Me"!

Now, the trouble I have listening to Knapp's music right now is not because she has announced her homosexuality. I am a huge Indigo Girls fan and they are both lesbians. I am a Melissa Etheridge fan. I love their music and I have no problem listening or supporting it, but they do not claim to live as Christians. The trouble I have listening to Knapp is that she claims to be a "woman of faith", and for years was billed as a christian singer/songwriter who represented Christ, and now she is out there announcing her sinful behavior and denying that it is sin. It is the fact that she is unrepentant right now that makes it difficult for me to justify supporting her career. The sin isn't so much the problem, it is the unrepentance.

Knapp has said that she understands that a person purchasing her music or attending a show does not mean they support her lifestyle, and that it only means they like her art. I am somewhat comforted by this, because I am not about to trash my Jennifer Knapp collection. It is still some of the best music and will always be, and someday I hope to be able to listen to it with new ears. I have had to remove it from my mp3 player for the time being. I have not yet listened to Letting Go, her new release, the new music I've waited so long for, although most of it I have heard from her website and from the demo CDs I got from her live shows I attended before she revealed her sin. It breaks my heart because I waited and prayed for her, and her return to music, for 8 years. I couldn't wait for new music from Knapp and when it happened I was absolutely ecstatic, but then I was blindsided.

If I give my Life if I lay it down can you turn this Life around, can I be made clean by this offering of my soul. Can I be made whole again?

God is faithful and just to forgive, but in order for Him to do that, we need to repent. We need to turn from evil and turn to Him. I believe that deep within Jennifer Knapp is heart that pines for God and that His Word is hidden in her heart. I believe this because she has difficulty performing her "old" music. I believe this because she has difficulty calling herself a "Christian". I believe this because she avoids church. I believe that the difficulty she has shows that there is a level of conviction in her, but still, she is willfully choosing her own pleasures over submission to God. Debbie, a friend of mine, put it this way " As for Jennifer's faith, I think it is one that she has crafted to tolerate her sin, which is why she has such conviction otherwise."

I am praying for her to really cry out to God like she once was able to do and so eloquently shared through her music. I pray that she will "Lay It Down", be broken, "Fall Down" and allow God to "Undo" her, "Refine" her and make her "Whole Again", because "His Grace is Sufficient". With God all things are possible.

And when it happens, she really will be Letting Go.

Testimony of My Sailor: Meeting with God on the Pacific

2010-07-01T21:39:00.007-05:00

Author: Katie

Tonight I received the most awesome letter any Mom could ever want from her Sailor at sea. Physically we are miles apart but the same omnipresent God who walks with me daily...is sailing on a Navy ship in the Pacific with my son. Here is his testimony....

"Hey mom. Much has happened since we last talked. But I got asked a question from Sydnie and it was, ”What has God been teaching you?” and this is what spilled out. Feel free to share with anyone. Actually please do. I will leave you to read.

Now about what God has been teaching me. I am going to be 100% honest, I had some rough days after I got back to my old job and was very depressed. And I want you to forgive me cause that is why I wasn’t keeping in touch. I was very upset about where I am in my life, and wasn’t getting any emails from anyone for a few days. I felt that I shouldn’t write any to get any, and that was selfish on my part. But one night I was just fed up of all of this and everyone and being on the ship away from everyone and everything I love and I just bought a coca cola and went outside when it was dark away from everybody. I just wanted some alone time with GOD to talk things out. I prayed and just let it all out. I told God how I felt knowing that he already knew, but it was just good to say it out loud. I kept telling Him how I don’t want to be here and I said it over and over, and then out of nowhere I remembered how when Jesus was in the garden praying for God to let this pass but only if it was his will. And after that I actually just started crying. There I was sitting by myself on a ship in the middle of the pacific ocean, on a ship, crying my eyes out. I felt so selfish. And I was. I still don’t want to be here, and I am still going to try to go army or back to SWCC, but if it isn’t his will and it doesn’t happen, then I am ok with that. I don’t want to be here and He didn’t want to die on the cross for me…..but He DID. So I will be here and do his will. Slowly people are realizing why I am so different from them. They keep saying, “you’re a virgin?!,” or, “why don’t you cuss?” And I tell them why. No more unless they ask. But I can see in there eyes take is something they are not used to. If I cant go army or back to SWCC them I will bid my time here and get out after four years and go to college… if that’s what He wants.

Also after I read the book obsessed He taught me more through it. I need to be obsessed with Him. Not to just want to be with Him but to be like the man who found a treasure in the field and sold everything he had so he could buy that field and call the treasure his own. To be obsessed is what God made us for, and why not? He is OBSESSED with us. Love is an obsession. An analogy that my youth leader told us to get to the kingdom was that your in a large room, FILLED with people moving around pushing and shoving each other. You are at one corner and you have to get to the door on the other side to get out, but the only way to get there is to follow a small line on the floor that you cant see , and that is curvy not straight. All the while people are pushing you and trying to get you off the line.

A way I see it is kind of like that. But you are running with all your might. As soon as you get your speed up you get knocked back sometimes down. But you still run even though you get hit and pushed, your body gets beaten over and over, but your so obsessed that you don’t even feel it, and in a way it seems to even make you speed up with every hit or knock back you just crave it more and more like a drug. Till you finally get there. And He is there so you may finally rest and be with Him….forever. no more running after that. That is what he has taught me.

Love

Justin, your son, Full of justice"

This is what it means to me when Proverbs 31 says "Your children will rise up and call you blessed"

Only Humans Measure Time

2010-06-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

My dog never frets about time. He doesn't know what time the clock says when he wants dinner, he only knows that he is hungry. He also doesn't think, while his legs are crossed and he is dancing around the house, man! I think I can hold it for a few more minutes. They are due home in about ten. He only knows that he's gotta go! He never considers the passing of time.

I noticed something today when I was configuring my virus scan to scan while I am at church weekly. The program doesn't anticipate doing that scan. When the time comes, it just starts the scan. It's an inanimate object and never considers the passing of time. It never considers that there are only a few more seconds before it begins the scan, it just starts that scan in that very moment it was scheduled to.

A couple of weeks ago, some of us in this time zone, switched to Daylight Savings Time. My computer made the switch without batting a byte. Now, as a human, I made arrangements to adjust to the time. I mourned the loss of an hour of sleep and also anticipated the additional hours of daylight.

Every year millions of people anticipate the coming of a new year and often count down the last minute of the last hour on the last day of the year. We watch time. We measure time.

I am anal about time. I am constantly watching the time and planning in my head what time I will do what. Even on my days off work I am planning ahead. I think things like if we leave now, it will take about fifteen minutes to get there, about forty minutes to order and eat, fifteen minutes back and we'll be home for about one hour until it is time to leave for the movie at 1:15.

My friend Katie says this just brings me additional stress. I just say "no, being on time brings no stress at all, but being late does!" LOL

Anyway, I thought it interesting that the only thing on this planet that measures time are humans. Nature just goes about doing its thing as God planned, and animals just do their thing. Inanimate objects don't care either way. Humans break time into increments and are the only creatures that anticipate the arrival of time, and mourn the passing of it.

I don't believe God experiences time as humans do, although, I know Jesus did. God is everywhere, all at once. He is the beginning of time and He is the end of time. He is infinite, but I do believe he conceived time and created it...although, I do ponder if time exists as we know it in heaven?

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven"

The third chapter of Ecclesiastes may suggest that time exists for those things "under heaven", and not necessarily in it. This is good news for me because I figure, if there is no measurement of time...then I will no longer have want for patience! Now, THAT would be heaven!

What is This I Keep Hearing About an "Eclipse"?

2010-06-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I got this Life on the Way Devotional email today. I've never seen anything "Twilight" and I don't want to. But, the way teenage girls are freaking out about these vampire guys, I thought it worthy of sharing:


	Regarding Love and Reality (and Vampires)


	by Nikki

	Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.

	1 John 4:18-19, New Living Translation

	See This Verse In Context



	Dear Tiffany, Madison, Emma, Kaitlyn, Kyla, Meghan, Emily, Ava, Elizabeth, Olivia, Abigail, and (insert name here), I was thinking about you this weekend. It was while I was watching a movie. It was probably the most anticipated movie of 2009. Females all over the country, possibly the world, chose a team, put on the t-shirt, and maybe even camped out overnight in exhilarated excitement to take in the next chapter of this supposedly timeless love story. I was a little late in getting around to it, but as I finally sat down to watch New Moon, you were on my mind. And here's why: IT'S RIDICULOUS. Look, I know it's just a movie, and it's meant for entertainment. I am a movie buff myself, and I love escaping into another place and time and diving into a world of imagined intrigue. It's awesome. But with this one, I couldn't even take that journey because it was just so RIDICULOUS. Bella's pain, relentless agony, and perpetual longing may seem romantic on a big screen, but please know this is NOT what love looks like. Please know it is NOT normal or healthy to be this obsessed with a guy, to feel as if life is over or not worth living because he isn't a part of it anymore. Or to think this other guy might do the trick if guy number one leaves. Please know your whole life and self-worth will never be wrapped up in any man. God completes you. End of story. I know this because I've let myself buy into that way of thinking before. I thought there would be no life for me if it didn't work out. And guess what? I'm still here. And God is still awesome, and life is still rolling. Sure, I get it. It's a movie and it's fun. Go ahead, watch, enjoy, be entertained. But it's just a story. Please don't get too caught up in the picture of love Edward and Bella paint for you. Please don't buy into it, or you may miss out on how big and life-changing love can really be. I was thinking about you as I watched this, and I just had to tell you. Nikki For more thoughts from Nikki and other fun stuff, check out morningswithbrant.com.

©Tyndale House Publishers 2010
351 Executive Drive, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

Many Friendships Would Not Have Survived

2010-06-27T22:45:00.001-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I returned home tonight after spending a wonderful weekend with my friend Katie. Katie is one of the most special people in my life and as we talked over these last two days, at one point I said "God is so good. He has done an amazing work in our lives, because many friendships would not have survived all that we have gone through over the past few years."

I am not going to go into details about all that Katie and I have been through. Some of it played out on this blog, but mostly over the past two years, posting was scarce because the both of us were going through a lot of difficulty, and some of that was in our relationship as friends. Neither of us felt comfortable sharing the details of our struggles. The details aren't important. What is important is what God has done.

I've just really been pondering it this weekend since she and I talked about it and I am absolutely dumbfounded at the faithfulness of God. Most people would not have endured the experiences and woundedness of our friendship, yet because we each sought Him, separately, He was faithful to each of us. "He who began a good work in each of us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 1: 6)

God did bring us together as friends all those years ago and used our friendship for His purposes. Somewhere along the line we started to put more focus on our friendship, than on our individual relationships with Him. God is a jealous God. He did not like not being the center of attention! He saw to it that we were fitted with new spiritual lenses. He used other people to help us see, He used circumstances to help us see, and He used our prayer time to reveal truths. It was grueling at times, but worth it.

It has been a wild-roller coaster ride of emotion, but in the end, God revealed Himself as faithful. Our friendship became strong again the day that I decided to put God on the throne, and not me. Our friendship started to grow again when Katie decided to put God on the throne again.

We now live in different states physically, but I am so grateful to God that He loves me so much that He helped guide me through to this point, that allows me to still enjoy such a special friendship with Katie. I know this all sounds so cryptic to those readers who are not close to the situation, but suffice it to say that God's amazing grace has healed a fragile and broken relationship and is now restoring it.

I feel absolutely blessed that God has grown me through all of this and still chooses to trust me with the responsibility of relationship. I have learned that I need to handle relationships with care and that whatever friendships God allows me throughout my lifetime, they should always point to Him. Yes, in some particular way, that relationship should help me to grow in Christ, "as iron sharpens iron". I need to appreciate the friendships that I have, because obviously friendships are a sweet bonus in life, but they in no way compare to the love and importance I have in my relationship with Him.

God's faithfulness and love bloggles the mind!

Pictures of My Washington DC Trip

2010-06-27T06:00:00.002-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I visited Washington DC with my friend Ellen in June 2010 for about five days. We had a great time and wore ourselves out trying to squeeze in as much of the city as we could. There is so much to see and do there that it is impossible to do it all in one visit, or two, since this was my second time.

We were leisurely about getting there and Ellen suggested we drive up The Blue Ridge Parkway, so from our overnight stay in Knoxville, we headed toward Asheville, NC, to catch the Parkway and drive north. It was a beautiful drive over the Blue Ridge Mountains, but we soon realized that our detour added 5-6 hours to our trip, so we eventually made our way back to the highway and headed for DC.

We had a great view of The United States Capitol Building from our hotel room and it was exciting to be in DC. We walked the streets and learned to ride The Metro. That was quite a challenge to learn! LOL

On with the pictures...

A Box of Memories Helps Me Celebrate My Parent's 49 Years of Marriage

2010-06-24T09:25:00.002-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

It is not a pleasant thing to come home from a wonderful vacation to open the front door and step into an inch of water standing on your beautiful hardwood floors. You discover that the line to the ice maker on the freezer broke at floor level and had been leaking for, most likely, the majority of the week you were gone, saturating the floors of three rooms. For the entire following week you've had to endure your home being dried out with giant, industrial dehumidifiers and blowers, the carpet being torn up, the hardwood floor buckling, and the most affected area of the linoleum floor being torn out down to the subfloor. From under the house, Service Master has pumped out +350 gallons of water and the house is now being tested for mold. Nope, not fun.

This has been my life for the last week. My house is a wreck with stuff everywhere that had to come out of bedroom closets and storage spaces. But, then, I happened upon an old box of memories. Old pictures, old letters and other paraphenalia like game winning softballs signed by teammates.

In this box of memories I came across a farewell note from my Musicland manager in Ames, IA after I gave notice to leave for TN, and I find it interesting that Brad, my manager (now deceased) credits a "higher power" calling me to leave. I found letters of recommendation after I left teaching at Keystone Local Schools, notes that my mom and dad sent me while I was on a Search weekend #80 in 1984 (Catholic retreat for youths), and a plethora of other notes and things that make me smile. I call it all "Happy Notes" and it has been fun rummaging through it.

So many faces were brought to my mind as I came across various reminders of the people from my past; former colleagues, classmates, bosses, employees, students, roommates, customers and family members. What a treasure!

While each of the things in this box of memories has significance, a few special ones stand out. I don't have the time or space to share them all, but probably the most special to me are the notes from my parents.

That Search #80 weekend concluded with a surprise of getting letters from loved ones. In the lesson for that day we learned about how temporary this life is and that the only eternal thing is the love of God. All else is "meaningless" and a "chasing after the wind". We were told that the cards and letters we received, while meaningful things to us, they were written on paper that would deteriorate and that everything on this earth is temporary. I don't know how it happened, but we were all encouraged to throw these letters into a pile in the middle of the floor. Then everybody started stomping on the letters and destroying them, I guess hastening the destruction and showing that regardless of the emotions expressed in these letters and things, it is meaningless in comparison to the eternal and gracious love of our heavenly Father.

Being the "free spirit" I am, I chose to keep my letters. I understood the point of the "lesson", but did not participate. While others were destroying their letters from family members, parents, friends and whomever else, I chose to cling to mine. These were precious things to me! I refused to participate! And now, 26 years later I can pull them out of the box and cherish them.

I've often wondered if those who no longer have their letters have ever regretted destroying them? I know that I'm glad I rebelled and kept mine. :) As I reread them today, I am simply reminded about how much I have always been loved, and that God gave me to the perfect parents. Mom even points to that in my letter saying "I often wonder why the Lord gave you to us in the special way He did, but thank Him everyday for you."

I think the most meaningful part of Mom's letter to me is when she said, "Sue, I not only love you, but I truly admire you as a person. I don't know how many parents can say that to their children, but I can say it to you very easily." Those words have stayed with me all these years, even when I haven't been digging through my box of memories.

I read these with different eyes now, 26 years later, and with spiritual eyes, and I can see from them how God cared so much for me that He gave me parents that always pointed me to Him. Mom tells me in my note, "remember that your best friend, Jesus, is there in good times and bad, to carry you if need be."

Dad shared that I know that, "Christ loves you and you know how good He has been to you. I have seen you give this love to others and it really makes me feel good. Please continue to live in Christ in the trying times ahead. You know He will help you."

My dad also said that he was "very proud of the way [I] conduct [myself] and the way [I] live [my] life."

How blessed am I? VERY! :)

This has reminded me about how God orchestrated my life and cared for me even when I had not yet given my heart to Him. Not that I lived a life of debauchery, but I did not live for Him until I committed to Him in 1999. All the while though, I have had loving parents praying for me and loving me. They have been an example of Christ in my life and I am forever grateful God chose them to be my adoptive parents.

What better way to celebrate my parent's 49 years of marriage today than to be thankful that God put them in my life and raised me to know Him?

Acutely Aware of My Singleness...at Church?

2010-06-21T21:56:00.001-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

To those of you who have followed the Sisters' Weblog since it's inception in 2002, you are well aware of the fact that my friend Katie and I shared a home. In this house, she raised her two children and I was blessed to have been a part of that for almost ten years. For those of you new to this blog, you may want to read more about my story from the homepage, Sisters in Christ.

When we moved into this house in July 2001, her daughter was eight years old, and her son was 11. (I think) Needless to say, it was rarely a dull moment in this household for many years. Good times and bad times came and went. We called ourselves a framily, or friends + family. The phrase has caught on and some in our church have been known to use the term of endearment when describing a very close knit church family and any gathering of good friends.

For those many years, almost an entire decade, we attended Northbrook Church as a framily. Eventually, the kids would be off sitting with the youth at another area of the church, but my friend Katie and I sat together as friends, worshiping God. Third row, right side, the two chairs closest to the center aisle. My seat was the second chair into the row, and Katie's was the chair on the aisle. Katie is a demonstrative worshiper so she needed the extra space. I miss that.

Times are different now. The kids are off living their own lives. Katie married a wonderful man and they are happily building a marriage in Alabama.

And, here I sit. Alone in this house.

For the most part I enjoy my aloneness. Honestly, I did want it at times, but in my ignorance, I didn't realize the permanence of the situation, or what it would really feel like to live totally alone. It takes some adjusting for sure.

I'm not posting this to complain about my current state of being, but rather just put it out there and say what I'm feeling as I work through this new time in my life.

I've pinpointed the two times that I most feel most alone. The first is anytime I come home after a long trip when I've been away for a few days. I used to be greeted at the door to hugs and happy faces. Now, nothing. The second time I feel most alone is when I go to church.

This is not something I expected. I never expected to be made aware of my singleness at church and feel so alone there. I want to reassure my church family, that I do NOT feel unloved. I know I am loved. I hope to explain this in a way that is easily understood, but, still, may only be understood by those who have walked in similar shoes.

All those years I sat next to my friend. Now I sit next to no one. Again, this is not a plea for people to come sit next to me. Far from it. You see, I have gone many places by myself. I go to restaurants and eat by myself. I go to the movies by myself. I go to the park and sit by the lake by myself. I have gone to concerts by myself. I like doing things by myself. Sure, I like to share experience with friends, but I really don't mind doing many things by myself. That is just what single people do. I even did church by myself for a good year before I moved to TN. I didn't feel alone then, though, like I do now at church.

I've been perplexed by this reality of wanting so bad to get to worship with my church family, and then when I am there, I become acutely aware that I am alone. I become aware of my singleness. I become aware of how different my life is today from ten years ago, five years ago, two years ago, and even from last year. Everything is different and being at Northbrook just seems to highlight the difference. This is not a bad thing, it is just what is.

I still leave the aisle seat available when I seat myself. I look around and see so many new faces, and miss the faces I no longer see. Faces of the kids, Justin front and center almost every week sitting with his youth friends, and Tiff usually off on the other side of the church, or possibly in the back helping with the children or nursery. I just miss them being here. I miss Katie sitting to my left, worshiping, and the both of us taking notes on the message, usually to discuss it later in the day in more depth.

I do rejoice that the framily is all moving on with life and living for the Lord, albeit all separately, but at church I am reminded of what is no longer my existence. Everything is so different and it is the one place that brings that into the light.

I notice families. And I notice the empty chair to my left.

I notice couples. And I notice the empty chairs to my left and right.

I notice children scrambling to get to Kingdom Kids. And I notice that I never have to move out of the way of a child on a mission. (Of course, that may be due to other reasons! They smell the fear in me! LOL)

Again, this isn't a bad thing, it is just what is.

And it is what God is bringing me through right now. :) I choose to put my hope in God. I can feel Him working in me.

Humbled to be Exalted

2010-06-11T10:18:00.005-05:00

Author: Katie

I praise You, Father for all the times I have been told by man that I am not “good enough”. I praise You for helping me to see how unworthy I am in and of myself. I know it is not your will that I feel worthless…and at times I have. But in all the rejection I have experienced over the last few years, I have learned how prideful and self-centered I can be. In this realization, I have learned the exalting power of humility. I know in myself I am nothing…but with Christ I am everything and I can do all things and that is where I place my worth…in HIM. I praise You for the trials I have endured. I praise you for the agonizing fires and storms that have brought me to this place in You…that have helped me to understand Christ in Me the hope of glory. I can do nothing to glorify You…it is You working through me that brings glory to Yourself. You cannot be glorified through my life if I am prideful…only humble. I am exalted because of You…not anything I have done. You have brought me through a time of emptying…only to fill me. You asked me to let go…only to give me more…more of You…and that is far beyond anything I had to lose.

I have learned Philip. 3:7-14 “Whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings,(a life theme for 2008-2009) being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

I need not exalt myself. I need not defend myself. I need not prove when I have been wronged. I need not seek revenge or justice out of my own power…but only to seek You…to focus on You. Vengeance is Yours and You are a God of just and mercy and grace. It is my job to love, to forgive, to be kind (love others and esteem them as better than myself, love God and love others...the focus you gave me for 2001)

I am so blown away by all the focus themes you gave me over the last decade and how each one built upon the other and brought me to this place! Each one prepared me for the trials and blessings that were coming that year and beyond! You are with me always and always in control! How much I try to control things to no avail...but when I let go and let You...wow!

It is the humble you exalt….and it is for this reason I praise You for everything I had to suffer through in order to be made aware of how insignificant and helpless I am apart from You. You make me humble. Whenever I start to exalt myself…Lord, remind me of this and help me to remain humble. I am nothing…nothing in and of my own power. Apart from the vine I can do nothing…but abiding in the vine (another life theme)…"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)." In Christ alone I am complete.

Lord, thank you for showing me how prideful and self centered I can be. Thank you for bringing me through a place of humiliation and total devastation so you could rebuild. Thank you for brokenness. Thank you for allowing me to fellowship in the suffering! Thank you for bringing me down in order to exalt me to higher places in You than I could have ever imagined! I want more!

This year, you told me it would be my Year of Jubilee! And blessed be Your name...it has been! But, that's another blog in and of itself!

I Love My Purse

2010-06-03T08:10:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

God's Problem

2010-03-27T15:28:00.002-05:00

Author: Katie

It's 2:16 am. I have been suffering from migraine all day and the side effects from the medications that are supposed to help me feel better. I took the new medicine to help with nausea...the side effect...you guessed it...headaches! Anyhow, due to this, I am unable to sleep and my mind is racing. I can't stay on one thought long enough to complete it before a new one rushes in. So, I am writing...because it helps me to organize my thoughts...get them out...and well...because it is what I love to do.

Friday night is date night for Michael and I. Last night (which seems like tonight since I haven't slept yet) we decided to spend some time at Barnes and Noble. During a lul in my headache pain, I was able to spend some time browsing. I looked at so many books that I'd like to buy but since I couldn't make up my mind which one I really wanted...and because I have so many to read and am still working on writing one, I decided not to add to my compilation at this time. However, there is one book that I am almost tempted to go back and buy simply because I found it so disturbing. I hesitated before writing about it out of fear that a believer who is not mature enough in the faith may read the book I'm discussing and have his faith distorted by deception that looks like reality. Please, approach this book with caution should your curiosity get the best of you. Do not pick it up unless you believe that God Himself has told you to! I put the book down out of fear of being misled but the more I think about it, the more I feel a passion and a power to defend its accusations.

The book is called "God's Problem" and it's about the "great unanswered question" on why people suffer. I browsed through different pages and one particular portion deals with the exchange between God and Job in which the author attempts to reason based on his own logical carnal mind (as many unbelievers have been doing for centuries) that God is a big nasty egocentric who enjoys throwing his power around and takes pleasure in our pain. This author has even gone so far as to brag about how his book turned a pastor away from the faith. (Personally, it is my belief that if a person turns, then the Holy Spirit of God never had been given an official place in his heart to begin with....but that's another can of worms I am not going to open at this time.)

"God's Problem" is just one book of many written out of the ignorance of a man separated from God..apart from the wisdom that is given to each believer through the Holy Spirit. These authors cannot understand the Truth because they do not know the Truth and they try to explain what they cannot understand...and are very good at it I might add! These people are enemies of God in need of the One whom they not only reject, but also attempt to deceive the masses with their version of "truth" stemming only from human logic which is completely opposite of God in every way.

1 Corinthians 2:12 (NIV) - We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.

Isaiah 55: 8-9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

As long as the Word of God has been read; from scroll to book, from Greek to Hebrew to King James to NIV and a plethora of other translations through time, man has been deceived into attempting to make God and the Bible logical according to the human mind...but it is truly in vain. When he searches for God...he will find him...as he searches with all his heart...then and only then will He understand what is really written on the pages he thinks he comprehends...and he will see exactly how much contradiction is there...the Bible contradicts alright. It contradicts human logic..and it's perfectly beautiful! It proves what God says...that His thoughts and ways are a far cry from ours. Apart from God...understanding the truths found in His Holy Word is futile and empty. Those who try to do this are left bitter towards God and seek to spread that bitterness through words of human logic about something they will never understand or truly relate to because they lack the relationship that gives it all meaning. Quite frankly, they are fools. They are deceived to death and spread that deception to many others who seek Truth. My heart truly breaks for what they miss...and all those they take down with them along the way.

Even believers get messed up when they try to divide the Word apart from the Holy Spirit...which is why division is so prevalent in the church...and what separates the religious from the righteous in Christ....because of man's arrogance, pride and ignorance. The mind is the playground for the enemy of our souls who seeks to devour, destroy and kill.

When it is all boiled down...it comes to this. God has given us all the right to choose. We can choose to believe Him or we can follow the unbeliever who walks in dark deception. When a person converts...truly converts to Christianity...God's Spirit comes to dwell in him. In that moment, the new believer often knows little about the Truth of God's Word...because the Christian walk is a walk of faith...it is by God's grace we are saved through FAITH ALONE...and it has nothing to do with anything we have done or figured out apart from making the choice to accept that gift of grace. It is in that moment that we begin the journey to seek to know more the One whom we can walk with and talk with and live and breathe with. We do this through prayer, deep study of His Word, and through a relationship with Him. He sent His SON!!! God became human so that He could be on our level... to connect better with us from our side...because even in with all His might and power, our God is a God of humility, unending mercy, and undying love...not pride and arrogance. We don't need to put everything in a pretty little box of human logic....because we have the relationship that reveals how vastly beyond explanation and comprehension is our God and His beautiful, unblemished, holy, perfect, love.

These false teachers...humanize God to prove their agenda. They make him a God who thinks like a man...when indeed...he is far greater than any man is even capable of even beginning to comprehend or explain (just like it was understood by Job)...even WITH the help of the Holy Spirit. The human mind will never ever be able to wrap itself around His greatness....nor will we ever be able to understand or explain His perfect love....yet when we choose Him...we get to EXPERIENCE that love in a way that nothing apart from a personal relationship with Him could ever do. His word is written like a mystery... even in riddles sometime. I believe this is so that man will diligently seek to know Him more through continuously studying the words on its beautiful, exciting, inspiring, dramatic, mysterious, action packed, loved filled....timeless pages. If you want to know the Truth and not just prove your own agenda....then you need to start with prayer. Seek God diligently and you WILL find Him..and He will reveal the Truth to you personally! All you have to do is ask and it shall be done.

Do You Leap or Walk in Faith?

2010-03-11T12:03:00.001-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

You know, I've always been somewhat puzzled by the phrase "leap of faith". While I understand the message that phrase conveys, as somebody who tries to live by biblical precepts, there really is no such thing as a *leap* of faith. The Bible talks only of *walking* in faith. (Romans 4:12, 2 Corinthians 5:7)

The situation you are in, or the change you are enduring, might feel like a leap, but I can't help but wonder how much faith is really involved in a *leap*. Leaping would indicate an uncertainty about the outcome, and that is unsettling. A real faith would indicate confidence that the outcome of whatever situation is in God's control, and he will work out everything for His good purpose. There is no reason to leap from that, so why not *walk* in it?

A friend of mine recently shared about her first skydiving experience, (go read "What I Learned About the Lord and 14,000 Feet") and she said "all I had to do was follow his lead, and I was completely assured that everything would be ok" as she explained how not afraid she was to "leap" from the plane.

She trusted a perfect stranger, shall we believers not trust a trustworthy Father who knows us intimately and completely understands our needs, desires and fears? (addendum: I am agreeing with Ronda who also pointed out "How much more, then, should we trust our Lord and His Word, which never fail or forsake." After rereading my post, I see that I may have unintentionally misrepresented what Ronda was saying, so I wanted to clarify by adding this.)

So whatever circumstance in life that this world brings us, it is best to continue walking in faith, knowing that the one who can not love you more than He already does is in control, and if we abide in Him, the outcome will be for our good and His glory.

Walk in confidence that the change is needed, the change is not a surprise to God, the change is good, and in all that, God does NOT change. Walk with Him.

Aloneness, Loneliness and What Isn't

2010-03-10T22:16:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I received a nice email from Tim, a longtime follower of Sisters' Weblog: It Bloggles the Mind!, today in response to what he read in my previous post. What he had to say was very encouraging to me, but it also made me realize that I may want to clarify some things.

In my post I talked about how different things are now that the framily has gone its separate ways, and that I am lonely. While it is true that at times I feel very lonely (tonight would be one of those times because I am sick and there is nobody to dote on me, LOL), I understand that this is simply a transition period in my life.

I know that God has plans for my life, and that He is always near. He won't allow one single need in my life to go unfulfilled. He is giving me a new circle of friends and people to care about, and who care about me. I have a great church family that won't let me fall through the cracks.

The wonderful thing about the friendship that Katie and I have is that it endures. We have been through so much that I believe she and I will forever be friends. Her kids grew up here in this house, and we all shared this home for nearly a decade. There is a connection that doesn't just end. I don't mourn for the loss of the framily, because there is no loss...only change and growth. Onward and upward!

At times I do look around and see things that trigger memories, like the hole in the door or the many pictures that rotate through on my screen saver, but these are awesome things! I am so very humbled that God chose to give the gift of framily to me. At times I am so taken aback, I get teary-eyed and overwhelmed with the realization of the magnitude of the blessing I was given.

It is normal for me to miss aspects of that former life, but it is not crippling me or anything like that, and I didn't want to leave that impression.

I have my moments of just feeling really kind of needy and lonely, that I won't deny (and those moments might end up being inspiration for blog posts! LOL) but I have a history with God bringing me through lonely times. It is part of my testimony. His Word has proven true to this heart of mine and I trust Him to give me all I need.

God is so good to me it bloggles the mind!

Changes Aren't Permanent, But Change Is

2010-03-09T19:05:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

There is a knock at the door and as I turn the corner to look, with a good idea of who is there, I see Justin, my not-the-son, peeking in at me with a giant smile on his face.

Justin is home on leave from the Navy and trailing behind him are his best friends, Tim and Kevin. Soon the young men are chowing down on lunch at the kitchen table and sharing laughter and stories as they visit with one another. Their voices fill this empty home in which I live alone, when mostly the sound of my own voice echoes in the halls.

It strikes me how much different life is for each member of this framily.

Katie is off and married, living in Alabama now.

Justin is working hard in the Navy serving our country.

Tiffany is making a life for herself as well, living in Alabama.

I live alone with my dog Whyzer, after recently having to put down Cheri, Katie and the kids' Boston Terrier.

It has been an adjustment and sometimes I do get very lonely. This seems like an awful lot of house for just one person. I'm trying to make the place feel like "mine", but there is much here to remind me of what once was, and I am highly unmotivated to work very hard to clean and declutter. I want a simplified, decluttered life, but I guess I'm too lazy to get it that way.

A few months ago I received word that the system that I use for commenting on the Sisters Weblog was changing. I had no choice but to allow that to happen. Then Blogger notified me they were discontinuing support for those of us who use FTP to upload posts to our blog hosted at our own server. I had no choice but to deal with that and move the blog to http://sistersweblog.blogspot.com . Turns out that the commenting system change didn't really matter now.

As I went through the process of moving over the first year of posts from 2002 (because they were actually formatted differently and wouldn't import to Blogger), I found myself reading about my former life. I was reliving some of the experiences of our framily and it helped me to realize how blessed I really am. The blog really is somewhat of a history of the framily, a history of my spiritual growth, Katie's growth, and in some ways, even a history of some of the changes Northbrook church has endured over the years.

Nothing has stayed the same. Not the framily. Not the blog. Not me.

I am somebody who naturally wants to cling to the past, but I have learned that if one does that, they will get left behind. I know that I need to embrace the changes in my life, and I believe I do that most of the time, but hearing the guys today took me back to the days when I couldn't wait for it to be quiet. Now it is quiet most of the time. Be careful what you wish for?

Katie keeps telling me that I am not the same person. I feel the same, but looking over those old posts makes me wonder?

This upcoming weekend will have the framily in the same house at least for a little while again. It will be a good thing and bittersweet at the same time.

God Delights To Surprise

2010-02-21T21:56:00.011-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I can't WAIT to share because God just really showed me His Presence this weekend and not in any HUGE major way, just in small things. When He opens my eyes enough to see Him in the small, it just magnifies His Glory that much more!

Here's the one from Saturday. I am a BIG Jennifer Knapp fan and was excited to see her perform last night at TPAC in Nashville. My friend Katrina and I made arrangements to spend the night in Franklin and visit Grace Chapel church on Sunday morning.

Not only did Jennifer Knapp come onto that stage with only her guitar and God given voice, the chick gave a stellar performance that I enjoyed greatly. What a gift she has and I'm so thankful she is choosing to share it again. (Photo by Knapp Fan David Crenshaw)

The band, Todd Snider, that she opened for was great, wow they were good, but it was not my kind of music. A bit too country for me, so Katrina and I decided to leave. As God would have it, He timed all that perfect so that I would be able to MEET JENNIFER KNAPP again (I met her once before at the Mid-South Fair in Memphis in 2000) as she stood near her table where the demo CDs were. (I had already pre-ordered her release and had a demo in pocket!) Yes! I got to look in that woman's eye and say "thank you for sharing your music. I saw you perform at The Belcourt last fall and you rocked!" Katrina and I continued to share with her that we had had the chance to talk with her once before ten years ago in Memphis. Anyway, that was a neat treat and did get a couple of pictures with her, so that rocks.

Onto the next part of the story. A few months ago, I received a notice from Amazon.com that I had earned a "free download" of music for being such a great customer. This download was for a full length mp3 album of my choice, but the choice was to come from specific selections and of those I had to choose from were about 800 different albums. I did not want to waste my free album, so I took my time to sample hundreds of CDs over many days and weeks to be sure to choose the perfect one. I'm a music junkie and I am always looking for something new that inspires me, something that stands out from the rest of the mediocrity out there.

I searched and searched all of the rock titles and the Christian rock titles. I am a "rock 'n' roller"! I love rock music! Hard rock music! I had fun going through some old tunes from back in the day and stuff but then after days of deliberation and frustration that nothing was jumping out I came upon a CD called "Heaven on Earth" - Covenant Worship with Nicole and David Binion. Never heard of them? Neither had I, until I sampled their music. This is NOT music I am naturally drawn to, but something about this particular one captured my attention and I ended up downloading this as my "free mp3 album". Normally I'd find music from Disciple, DecembeRadio, Switchfoot, or Skillet or some band like that. Choosing a praise and worship CD is highly unlikely, but God led me to it.

I was so excited about this music and I listened to the album over and over. I shared it with a couple of friends who like exactly this type of worship music, but both were very surprised that I LIKED IT! LOL Anyway, the music pierces my heart with words of truth and just plain good music. God becomes real to me through it. You know how good music can be?

Now, moving on. Jennifer Knapp was lot of fun, but hardly compares to the experience today. Grace Chapel is a huge church, but it is often packed and difficult to find a seat. We made sure to arrive early, so after breakfast in a nifty place called Country Boy restaurant in Leiper's Fork, we made our way to the church and found a seat. This church offers communion each week before each service for anybody wanting to partake. A prayer is said, people go up to get the elements, return to their seat, quietly meditate/pray or whatever and take of the bread and blood. As I watched people do this, I noticed that I recognized one woman walking up the aisle and took a seat directly behind me. Didn't think too much of it, people sometimes look alike, you know?

Soon, the praise and worship music started and it was so uplifting as it always is there. (Amazing musicians and music!) I heard a female voice accompanying worship that sounded familiar to me, but I've listened to the Grace Chapel stuff online a few times, so that explained away the familiarity.

As the music and worship continued, I was getting into the music. Then I heard a familiar male voice and thought naaaah, can't be. Worship continued and then I heard a SONG I KNOW VERY WELL! I turned to Katrina and said "no way!" and she said "oh, they do this song all the time", so I was kind of crushed because I thought I had figured out why I was so familiar with the voices and the song. But, then the woman next to me, a Grace Chapel member, got my attention and asked "who are those people? I have never seen them here before." and then I KNEW. MY HUNCH WAS CORRECT! Get this: I said "I know who they are, Binion is the name. David Binion, but I forget his wife's name." So, worship really took off now because they taught the song "Heaven and Earth" to the church, in parts (which was cool) and everyone could then belt it out to the Lord! Woohooo! I was so taken aback that God had given me such an awesome revelation that He is ever present! MAN! I started thinking what are the chances? what are the chances?

What are the chances that I would land on THAT one album of worship music (out of my normal character to purchase),after spending DAYS and weeks poring over 800 selections that I had to choose from, only to visit a church that I live two and a half hours from, and to have the ARTISTS of that album that has been such a blessing to me, leading worship today!?!?!??!?!?!???????????

GOD THING!

I was totally blown off the planet by that one! Meet Jennifer Knapp, now this? WOW!

Then, the message for the service was fantastic about being spiritually blind and how we are to be used in the recovery of sight for the blind. Mind blowing stuff from Pastor Steve today, convicting...but that's for another day.

After the service, I went over to the Binion's and thanked them for leading worship and sharing with us today. I shared my story of how I came upon their CD and they thought it was so cool, and seemed surprised in a way. I also shared about the surprise God gave me that I live 2.5 hours away and was only in town visiting Grace Chapel and that the people responsible for that awesome worship CD that has been edifying me for months were here live and in person to lead the music! WOW WOW WOW! Nicole said "It is amazing what God does, my name is Nicole, what is yours?" and we talked a bit more until I excused myself to go wait for Katrina back at my seat.

As I was sitting there I saw that woman I had seen earlier that I recognized. Not being totally sure of who she was I just kind of observed, and then I heard her speak while she talked to a person about the amazing message she heard. As soon as I heard her voice, I knew who it was and that I was right. Kathy Troccoli was seated behind me worshipping at Grace Chapel today. How cool is that?

Anyway, God totally blessed my time with Katie this weekend and I am ever so grateful. He also went above and beyond and put a couple of exclamation points on the days! Woohooo! God is good! :)

Seeing Jennifer Knapp and being able to talk with her is not any monumental thing in life, but it was special to me. It was nothing God had to do for me. It didn't really grow me spiritually, but I believe God took pleasure surprising me with that, knowing full well I would enjoy it.

Worshiping with David and Nicole Binion at Grace Chapel today was quite a surprise and very special to me. Their songs have helped me reach a place of intimacy with God over the past couple of months that I don't often experience. I was able to worship God in a deep way today because I knew He delighted in surprising me.

My time with Katie was blessed as well. Two friends and sisters in Christ that have experienced so much together, but are now living lives completely different than they were a year ago. God is delighting in growing the both of us in Him, and He delights in surprising us.

He Bloggles the mind.

Dying

2010-01-23T12:48:00.001-06:00

By Katie

Hindsight is 20/20 right? There are people who look over their lives and say they wouldn't have changed a thing. Oh boy I wish I could say that. There are a lot of things I would have done differently. I would have not made a lot of the mistakes I made that I still bear the consequences from. But, everyone makes mistakes…and this is my confession. I am taking responsibility and owning what I have done…and hopefully I will learn from this and not repeat it.

Here is what I am processing today….

God told me to love Him first and then love others and esteem them as better than myself. That was the first thing He told me to focus on after my husband and I separated over a decade ago. He prepared me in advance. He warned me that I was about to be majorly deceived…but I missed what He was sayin. In my deeds I tried to put others first…but in my heart, I was number one. People kept telling me, but I didn't believe them. I didn't realize it until now…now that I have "loved" everyone right out of my life.

I have been grieving over this. I have had bitterness over this…and I have been selfish.

I thought I was selfless and pleasing God because I gave up a lot of personal desires and time to serve God and others through my family, friendships and others. I put everything into giving my children good memories of their childhood. I thought I did good to be at their sports/band/play practices and performances. I invested much time and effort and money into their well-being and education. I did the usual things to keep the home running. I read books on raising kids, attended seminars, was heavily involved in church and even took the kids on a mission trip overseas. I burned my candle at both ends for an entire decade trying to do everything right, trying to do what I believed to be God's will. This included working and going to college. I did. I did. I did. I. I. I.

When the kids were involved in sports and other activities, I often got very upset because I had so much to do and resented that there was another practice, another game. But I went and cheered them on. I became very stressed at trying to manage work, school and motherhood. I spent much of my life feeling overwhelmed and weary. I began to feel taken for granted and started reminding them of all I do for them. I thought it would help to get some appreciation.

The same thing happened with my best friend and roommate. She helped a lot with the financial end of things. In return, I did everything I could to see to her happiness in the deeds I did. I cooked, shopped, did my best to maintain the home while going to work and school. She is a musician and I went to many of her performances as well to support her as well as my children. I enjoyed every one. I believed that accountability was showing love and began holding her accountable for how she spent her time and who she spent it with. I overstepped boundaries because I allowed myself to be deceived into believing I was in God's will because we were accountability partners.

So, I was trying to keep the home, keep up with the kids, go to school, work, and run everyone's life. I believed that I was being submissive when in reality, I became a control freak. I was deceived. I saw myself submissive because I did what I was expected to do and I let everyone dictate to me what I should do and I worked myself to exhaustion. I wanted accolades but received criticism and became resentful. I did most of this while having a Christian blog, going to church, learning how to live…but trying to control things apart from God…all the while believing I was trusting Him and letting Him have the controls of my life. I was slowly and craftily deceived.

I even became my own enemy in trying to love myself! I allowed self centered thoughts to control my actions. I started to see myself as a failure and a hopeless mess. The enemy of my soul started whispering to me, and taking advantage of my weakness in my exhaustion and weariness. When we are serving God, we do not grow weary or faint. That should have been a huge clue to me…but I totally missed it. I began to focus on how I was feeling invisible and unappreciated until somebody needed me to do something. I began to focus on my loneliness and how I felt used and unloved. I then made it a point to remind my friend and family every day about all I sacrificed for them and how I only wanted them to spend some quality time with me…and that I didn't think it was too much to ask in return. I didn't realize that quality time is time spent out of want…not guilt or obligation. Then when they spent time with me, I resented that they spent it out of guilt or obligation and that they didn't really want to. They couldn't win. They were annoyed by my requests and sick of hearing about how they treated me so terribly. I became more resentful and more angry. I created an environment that caused everyone in my household to become focused on themselves and we all began to hurt one another. I was so deceived and I couldn't understand why they thought a little time sacrificed was asking too much. I thought I was fun to be around, but I had become a very unpleasant person. I couldn't understand how it is that I could totally give up my life to make theirs better and bought into a lie that they believed they could just take what they wanted and expect more…and not want me around until it was convenient for them.

It got to the point that all my family ever heard from me is how I would like their time since I gave them so much. I constantly reminded them about how good I was to them and all that I had sacrificed and given to them….so I unintentionally tried to manipulate them through guilt to give me what I wanted (company and appreciation). I never stopped wanting to please them and do

good things for them…I just became resentful because I didn't get the response I expected. I didn't do what I did to get something back…but when I was met with a lack of appreciation, sometimes ridicule and often complaint...I unintentionally retaliated with "reminders", causing a guilt trip. I was shooting myself in the foot. I just nagged (unknowingly) the ones I loved right out of my life and I suffer the consequences even now because they have gone on with their lives and for the most part…I am not a part of it. I now understand why God told me to love Him first and I understand better about loving others. I did not love. I took advantage. I abused. I did everything I accused others of doing to me.

What I would have done differently…..

I would have let go and let God. I would have kept my mouth shut and not gotten so obviously irritated whenever there was "one more thing" to do. I would have not created an environment of eggshells in my family by being on edge and ready to "blow" at the next request…all the time. I would not have reminded them on a daily basis of all the good things I did for them and that they should show more gratitude. This made everything I did, every sacrifice, for nothing…a waste. I ruined it. I was a killjoy. If I could change anything I did in the past, I would not have alienated the ones I claimed to love so much. I am always talking about how we suffer the consequences of our poor decisions…and now I am doing that.

I would have spent more time on my knees and less time running my mouth. I did what I did out of love, but became selfish and felt like I deserved something in return. I defeated my whole effort. All I wanted was to create a stable, loving environment for my home and to give my children happy childhood memories. But, what they have is memories of a grumpy, selfish mom who they began to fear to ask for anything. They were afraid to ask for money because I would lecture them on finances. They were afraid to ask to go anywhere for fear of a lecture on how exhausted I was. Often, when time was spent with me, it was out of guilt and not pleasurable for them…then I lectured them because they didn't want to spend time with me. The same thing happened with my best friend.

I didn't feel like she desired to spend time with me like I desired to spend time with her. I began to lecture her on how she spent her time and on priorities. Out of guilt, she would squeeze me in here and there in hopes to make me stop my endless nagging. But, it didn't work. I felt her discontentment and lectured her about spending time with me just to ease her conscience. I even lectured her on working and hobbies interfering with church…on the surface I believed I was doing this for her good…but now I wonder if I didn't do it out of selfishness thinking it would give us more "quality" time together.

In all my efforts to sacrifice my time and energies in the name of selflessness and being "others" focused, I became extremely self centered and didn't even see it. I was deceived in the midst of all my attempts to be "godly" and became very ungodly. Now, I am staring into the mirror of God and I do not see Christ in me…I see a lot of ugly.

I am on retreat right now. I came here to find forgiveness towards others who have hurt me. Now, I only seek forgiveness that I so desperately need. I pray I will learn from my mistakes and turn and never repeat them again. I am truly sorry. In my efforts to make your life wonderful…I made you miserable.

My prayer now is not God…change their hearts…it is, Father, change mine. Make me over.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

I am guilty of pointing out splinters in others' eyes when I had a huge TREE in my face. I am guilty of selfishness, pride, not putting God first, causing disunity and division. I am guilty of focusing on all the bad things that happened as if nothing good did. We had lots of good times in spite of my bad attitude. I cherish those memories and will try to place my thoughts there from this point forward. God is teaching me about focus this year. Every year he grows a specific area of my life and each one builds upon the ones before. I am shocked to look back and remember the first theme He gave me, "Love God and others". He told me this because He knew the deceiver was coming…and I still fell. It's a slow fade. If you are weary of doing good, it's very likely that in your efforts to do good, something is very wrong and needs to change. If you are serving God WITH God then you will not grow faint or weary. If you are serving God WITHOUT Him then you are trying to grow good fruit apart from the branch and you will only wither and die. But, the good thing is, a seed has to die before it can produce fruit. Your only hope is in Christ...the Vine.

I hope that my enlightenment has killed this part of me that needed to die and I will begin to walk in new life abiding in Christ (that is another theme God gave me 2 years ago). I hope that people will see the change God has made in me…and that He will be glorified! I think I am finally FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unforgiveness

2010-01-20T08:17:00.000-06:00

Author: Katie

At the risk of totally humiliating myself , I am writing a public confession. I pray that God will bring good from this.

I thought I was the kind of person who didn’t have a problem with holding grudges but then circumstances occurred in my life to show me that even I am susceptible to this deception of wanting justice and vindication where I feel I have been wronged…all about me. How did I get to this place? It was a slow and deceptive fade into selfishness. I am confessing this sin of unforgiveness and selfishness that is overwhelming and poisoning me. This grudge and bitterness I hold is towards people who once held a very special place in my heart. I keep justifying to myself that I have a right to this, but truthfully, there is no justification there is only God’s Word which says that this is sin and it is harmful to my relationship with Him. He forgave me and if I don’t forgive as He has forgiven then I am not reflecting Him or bringing glory to His name. More than I am sinning against those who have wounded me…I am sinning against God and it has deprived me of the Spirit’s power in my life and thrown me into a time of desert wandering. I know this but I can’t seem to let go, to trust God and let Him have it. Why? He can fix this. I am only making it worse.

Brothers and sisters, I covet your prayers that I will be healed from this…that I will find a way to turn from it and stay turned. It is self-preservation that keeps me in this state of darkness. My faith is weak. I know my God is bigger than this…but I also know He will not choose for me. It is my prayer for strength to choose for myself and to believe that He alone is the one who should deal with those who have wounded me. He will let them know if and what they have done wrong in His time. It’s not my job to make them understand and I can’t show them Truth because I’m not really sure what that is myself. But, when I let go and let Him have the controls and trust Him again, He will let me know Truth and He will give me understanding towards why I have been so deeply hurt. Maybe I don’t want to know. Maybe that's my problem.

I have never harbored bitterness like this before and I don’t know why I continue to put myself through this. It serves no purpose and is only destructive to my well-being, my testimony, my relationships to others and my relationship to God. It is a waste…I know this…so why do I find some twisted sense of security in it? I do what I don’t want to do.

God help me

The Christmas Surprise

2009-12-27T19:40:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

About two months ago I began playing with the idea and plotting logistics. It was then that I first realized that Christmas was on a Friday and then it dawned on me that the weekend after Christmas would fall on the work rotation that would normally be my weekend off. I am a retailer however, and so many times during the holidays, it is virtually impossible to get any significant time off. This has been accepted by my family and has been ever since I started a retail career in 1995.

I mentioned to a friend that I was thinking about surprising my parents on Christmas Day by showing up unannounced if my work schedule allowed for it and she said "do it!" Being a Northeast Ohio native though, I also know that more plays into a trip up north than just a work schedule and that would be having to add the familiar phrase "weather permitting" as a coda to every travel plan.

So I watched to see if I would indeed have Christmas weekend off, and when it was apparent I was going to, I started to watch the extended weather forecast. I also needed to make arrangements to spend the night somewhere on the way to Ohio on Thursday night in order to get some miles behind me and get an early start Christmas Day to arrive with enough time to visit with my parents. It is a ten hour drive from Humboldt, TN to Medina, OH, and I lose an hour on the way up, so I was hoping to arrive late afternoon.

I was being particularly careful not to tell many people about my plans because I really didn't want somebody to accidently "forget" that it was a surprise to my parents and say something on Facebook. Very few were aware and that helped to keep the secret under wraps. I also had to find out if my parents had plans for the holiday, which they did, but that was all taking place on Thursday, Christmas Eve, when my sister and her family were going to be visiting. So, Christmas Day was all clear!

Mom called me earlier in the week and I asked "so what are your plans for Christmas" and she told me that they were going to have a quiet day at home. She asked me what my plans were and almost threw me off when she said "I suppose you have to work on Saturday". Knowing I was not working and not wanting to lie to Ma, I fumbled my reply a little bit but mustered an "uhh, I have plans for Saturday". Whew.

My friend's parents live in Nashville and welcomed me into their home late Christmas Eve. They didn't just offer me a bed for the night, they welcomed me with smiles, hugs and love. What totally blessed me was that Ellen's mom and dad both rose early in the morning, 6:00am, to see me off. Not only that, her mom cooked a great breakfast and we all ate together before my trip. Who would have thought that we would all be up that early on Christmas Day when there were no children under the age of 37 in the house! LOL I left well rested and well fed. It was an awesome beginning to my Christmas Holiday. I was so excited and felt overwhelmed by the blessings I had already received that morning and I hadn't even left for home yet.

On my way to Ohio I started heading north on 65 toward Louisville. I was talking with my friend on the phone while she headed to work in Jackson. We were disconnected at some point and then I got a call from my mom. She was calling to wish me Merry Christmas and she told me that she wished that someday I'd be able to make it home for the holidays, but understands it isn't so easy when one works in retail. She asked what I was doing and I said that I was driving "home" from a friend's house in Nashville. She assumed I meant to my home in Humboldt, TN, but I was meaning my home, HER HOME, in Medina, OH! That was fun! I was playing with words and she had NO CLUE! I sure did enjoy that!

So, I drove and drove and drove for eight hours. I was good until I hit Columbus, OH and then the drive was getting long and I was anxious to just get there.

A couple of hours later, when I was finally in Medina County, I tweeted "I wonder what my ma is doing?" to which she responded "Was just wondering what Sue was doing. I am watching a little TV and crocheting.....oh, and missing Sue!"

She had NO IDEA that in a few minutes I was going to be knocking on the door and that I would be spending the rest of Christmas Day with her!

I got to the house and pulled in the driveway. Because the living space of their house is at the back, I did not fear that they would see and/or hear me pull in, so as soon as I turned off the ignition in Janeway, I went up to the front door, sent a tweet "About to blow my parents' mind! First Christmas in 15 years that I am home and they have no idea I am at the door!" and rang the doorbell.

I stood a bit to the side so that I would not be seen through the window to the right of the front door. The door opened but I could not be seen, nor could I see in, because there was a wreath on the outside screen/storm door in the line of sight. I poked my head into the middle of the wreath and looked up to see my dad standing there.

I immediately said "Merry Christmas" and dad looked a little confused. He had no idea to expect me to be there, so it caught him off guard, just for a split second, and then he exclaimed "SUE!" He quickly worked to unlock the door and let me in and Ma, having heard dad say "SUE!", made her way from the kitchen to the foyer to greet me. Dad gave me a big bear hug that only dad's can give. It was a sweet moment.

Both of my parents had tears welling up in their eyes and then Ma had her chance to hug me. Then Dad hugged me. Then Ma hugged me. I was getting passed back and forth! It was AWESOME! It felt so good to be in their arms! I WAS HOME!

We were all so happy to see one another that not many words were spoken in those moments, so we just held on to each other. One of the most favorite moments of my life for sure!

Then Ma had to go get the camera and post this pic on FB and captioned it "Oh my gosh, Sue just walked in the front door!"

This Christmas surprise is one that won't easily be forgotten! Oh it was fun!

Merry Christmas Mom and Dad!

A Testimony of Spiritual Growing Pains Through Friendship

2009-12-01T10:41:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I have one of the best and deepest friendships one could have with my friend and sister in Christ, Katie. We became quick friends when I responded to her prayer request ten years ago. From that moment on, it was apparent that God brought us together to enjoy a friendship.

We have shared many laughs and deep conversations. We have loved deeply and served one another in different ways. We studied God's Word together and grew spiritually. It was a relationship that set God at the center and as a result, our friendship flourished and we both were blessed by it.

As with any relationship, they often come with struggles. Our friendship has not been immune to that, but today we can praise God because He grew us into friends, grew us through our friendship, and grows us through our struggles relationally to this day. We have been able to teach each other many things and for that I am ever thankful. It has not been an easy journey at times, but I know "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

Many changes have occured in both of our lives over the past few years especially; the kids have both grown and moved on, Katie is now married and living in another state, and I am living alone in this house our "framily" once shared. We are where God intends us to be at this time, and I am confident that the gift of friendship that God has given to Katie and me will continue for all our lives.

Recently I had the opportunity to share with Northbrook Church some of what I have learned through the mistakes that I made in my relationship with Katie and how I failed to yield my will to God's, especially with regard to submitting to one another and submitting to spiritual authority. This sin of failing to submit resulted in me falling out of God's will and that naturally leads to suffering dire consequences, and in my case lead me into a spiritual desert place which I have shared about before.

I shared last June on the Sisters' Weblog A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority. (it is a three part series run back to back so you can read all of it scrolling up the page.) The past few years have been difficult for both Katie and I, some of which is documented on this blog. I know some of my actions and words have been hurtful to Katie and for that I am sorry, but again, Jesus is the Lord of both of us, so in His amazing ways, He is restoring our friendship to something even better! I am forever grateful for His mercy and grace.

I want to make available to you the testimony I shared with my church on Sunday, 11/14/09. Sin had damaged my relationship with my Father, but His love is faithful and He used circumstances and His people to help open my eyes to spiritual truths that only He can teach me. You can listen to the audio file of my testimony HERE, and catch the entire message Chuck delivered HERE. Below I will include the list of six things I learned about this type of submission as a summary.

Things I learned about submitting to one another:

We are to put aside our pride and recognize that we can be easily deceived.
God puts us in a body of believers purposefully so that we can edify others and speak into each other’s lives – as iron sharpens iron
Our brothers and sisters in the Lord love us and exist to encourage us in the Lord. They do not wish to harm us.
Those walking in the spirit have Godly insight into your life, and this is especially true for our spiritual leaders.
God commands us to honor spiritual leaders – He has entrusted them with an awesome responsibility and He divinely equips them to watch over our spiritual well being.
If we fear God, we will submit to one another because we WANT to promote His glory and we WANT to build one another up in order to fulfill our destinies in God’s plan.

Listen to my testimony delivered to Northbrook Church for the message "Submit to One Another"

Whatever is Good

2009-11-26T20:05:00.000-06:00

Author: Katie

God’s word proves itself. I need not try to prove it. It only takes one believer to test what it says and today, it proved itself to me once again. History tells of how man is doomed to repeat his mistakes over and over from Adam and Eve in the garden to Katrina Dunkin.

This morning, I cried out to Him with a broken and contrite heart. I asked forgiveness for dwelling on things that make me miserable. His Word tells us to focus on what is good and lovely, admirable...that being Him and the work He is doing and the fact that He loves me and wants me to cast all my cares upon Him.

I find myself repeating this cycle over and over. I focus on Him, I rise above my circumstances. I have peace and a wonderful testimony of His love, mercy and grace on my lips. I live a life that is attractive to those who are seeking to know Christ. They want what I have. I feel no need to defend myself because Christ is my vindication. But, then something happens and it becomes my focus. I lose sight of the One who loves me. The words on my mouth and the meditations of my heart are unacceptable and I find myself not dwelling in His presence…although He never leaves me. My life is not appealing to those who are seeking Christ and my testimony of Him is defeated. I get depressed, and miserable and I can’t seem to snap out of it until I realize what I’m doing and I fall on my face before God with a broken and contrite heart…Then, I find myself back in His grace, restored, whole.

This morning I found myself in that place of brokenness. I cried out to God in repentance for focusing on what makes me miserable and feeling hopeless and helpless. I asked Him to help me break out of this cycle. Then I read my devotion for the day….

“You have not cried to Me with all your hearts, but you have complained that I have not heard your prayers. As it is written ‘He [the Lord] is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him’ (Hebrews 11:6), And again: ‘You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with ALL your heart’ (Jeremiah 29:13).

Look no more to My hand to supply freely your needs when you have not humbled your hearts and cleansed your hands and come to me with the sacrifice I have required – even a broken and contrite heart. You need not expect Me to speak to you when your ears are heavy from listening to evil reports…..”

I also read, “Your eyes will not look upon My face while they are still engaged in viewing the faults and imperfections in the brethren.” Of this, I am guilty…of bitterness against my best friend and sister in Christ. I confess unforgiveness to God and everyone. I confess bitterness, and I ask for prayer…and I ask my friend to forgive me because I am full of faults and imperfections and I have no business pointing out those of others. God help me…it’s a pride thing.

Again, I must remind myself that victory is birthed from calamity…I need to stop complaining and fault finding, and trying to defend myself. I need to let God defend me..and thank God and praise Him in ALL things because He works everything for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)…that is the good I need to focus on in the midst of calamity…not the calamity. Then I will praise Him and glorify Him no matter what life throws at me…and that is what I was created to do!

“When you look to Me in truth and sincerity and repentance, you shall indeed see Me, and having seen Me, you wil look upon your brothers and sisters with love and understanding and patience knowing full well the needs in your own heart and life…”

“I will withhold my chastening rod when you turn to Me in repentance…”

“The heart that grieves over sin shall experience genuine comfort. There is nothing like it in any of the comforts of the world. If you bathe My feet in your tears, I shall clasp you to my heart in love. I cannot describe to you My love. I can only give it to you.”

This truth has been proven in my life over and over and over…and now again. His grace is truly sufficient and the only perfect love is God’s love.

I am reminded today of 1 Thessolonians 5: 16-18

Rejoice ALWAYS
Pray WITHOUT CEASING
IN EVERYTHING give thanks

Jennifer Knapp Returns to the Stage

2009-11-26T10:58:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

On Wednesday, November 18th, I experienced something that I had waited many years for. I drove the 2.5 hours from Jackson, TN to The Belcourt Theater in Nashville, TN to see and hear one of my favorite musical artists ever, Jennifer Knapp.

I know I wasn't the only one in the theater absolutely bubbling over with glee that Knapp is back on the stage to use the wonderful gifts and talents God has given her. The woman has been out of the music scene since 2002 when she left the stage and basically vanished from music, leaving a gaping hole in the hearts of her many die-hard fans, of which I am one.

In 2001 Katie and I had the privilege of meeting Knapp in Memphis when she was the opening act for Jars of Clay at the MidSouth Fair. While it was exciting to meet the boys of Jars, we hurried past them to get to who we really came to see! It was a blast to be able to talk with her and say "you rock!" She was kind and gracious and looked at the both of us and said "this is great!" while she listened to us share about the impact her music has had on us and shared small bits of testimony. It is a memory I hold very dear.

Since the day Knapp re-entered the music world I have been following her on Twitter and MySpace. People keep encouraging her to do the Facebook thing, but apparently with all the imposters out there, she has run into some trouble "proving" she is indeed the real JK. You better know I will be her "friend" as soon as I learn she's on FB!

I received a tweet one day from Knapp that she would be performing at The Belcourt and I was all over that! I wanted to go see her, but there are some logistical things to consider. I would be working that day, need to drive the 2.5 hours to Nashville, back again and work the next day. I had made prior arrangements to have Friday off that week to see Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) so I was not privy to another day off. I wondered if I could handle all the traveling and work and all my other commitments that week. Also, I really would have liked to have Katie go with me, but now she is married and living in Alabama, starting a new job, too, so that didn't seem like a possibility. This would leave me driving back and forth alone and attending the concert by myself.

I posted on FB about the concert and that I would be going alone, and my friend Debbie saw that post. She inquired about when and where and while we shot posts back and forth, she visited The Belcourt Theater online, bought tickets spontaneously, and came back with "I'm going, too!". So, we had our first road trip together to go see Jennifer Knapp! It was so much fun!

Knapp received a standing ovation as soon as she stepped on stage. The place was energized with fans all excited that she was about to play only her third show in seven years. She opened with "A Little More" and another familiar tune and the place was all abuzz with enthusiasm!

Knapp made it no secret that she felt a bit inept on the stage. She was obviously very rusty and awkward not knowing where to place herself, "what to do with her hands", and failing to "be cool" and flick a pic into the audience. She poked fun at herself for not really getting into the "rock and roller" thing and said "I can't even be cool and flick a guitar pic right" and as she tried the thing fell at her feet. She tried again and it dropped in front of her. It was hilarious!

An audience member called out and asked for a pic and Knapp obliged. As she was about to flick it in that direction the audience member said "let me come up and get it". We all laughed as Knapp nodded and said ok, walked to the edge of the stage where she handed off the pic to the fan who came up to retrieve it. It was classic! I laughed!

Thing is, none of us fans care how awkward and rusty Knapp is on the stage. All we cared about was the fact she was there playing her inspired music for us. I loved the performance, and in fact, the awkwardness visually just made it all the more endearing to me. It was raw and it was REAL. It was Jennifer Knapp!

She has such a rapport with the fans and it was like having a close friend visit, chatting over song in the living room. I adored her performance. She played some old familiar tunes and invited Amy Courts to sing with her on some stuff and that was absolutely wonderful. Most of the evening however we were introduced to new stuff Knapp has written. What a treat! After all these years, hearing new stuff was amazing! The new songs have the Knapp familiarity, yet they are new and fresh, and I was all giddy! You can hear two new songs on her Myspace, "Letting Go" and "Mr. Gray" which represent her sound very well.

I am so looking forward to her new album which is tentatively set for a release early in 2010. After getting a sneak preview of the new songs, I can NOT wait for this CD to drop! It is going to be amazing and Knapp will not be playing such small venues much longer.

I plan to get to her every performance within a reasonable driving distance. Hopefully, one of these day, Katie and I both will attend her show together. It will be a double blessing that day! Woohooo!

Calamity Gives Birth to Victory! (Author: Katie)

2009-11-18T18:31:00.000-06:00

The last 2 years of my life have been what seems to be a trail of one calamity after another. I have battled spiritually until I have found myself completely on the brink of a mental/spiritual breakdown. But instead of collapsing into oblivion of mental illness, I ran to my Father and collapsed in His arms. I battle…this warfare…daily and I am not so blind as to believe this struggle will ever end this side of heaven. This is life on Earth… a preparation and teaching time for eternal life with God.

Calamity teaches us how loved we are and that God is always there, in control and always with us. It teaches us how much we need Him and that He is the only One we can truly depend on always. The biggest thing I am learning is said quite perfectly in my devotional book, “Come Away my Beloved” by Frances J. Roberts. One sentence sums it all up in a nutshell….

“There can be no permanent loss in the life of My children, for out of the seeds of every calamity rises a whole crop of new victories.”

The author writes from God’s perspective, as if He is talking to his children…through His love letter…where He really does talk to us. It goes on to read…

“[This] is the way I have made it. The greatest evidence of this truth is Calvary.”

This is His story...for His glory....

I am experiencing a new crop of victories birthed from the chain of heart breaking events. He is healing me…and growing me…and blessing me….slowly but surely and eventually, completely.

I only want Him to receive the glory for the great things He has done. Apart from Him I am nothing and I can do nothing…but in Him…all things are possible.

By God’s grace I have a new and wonderful victory that keeps multiplying….I am Mrs. Katrina Dunkin!

Today Wasn't Just Another Sunday

2009-11-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I awakened this morning like I do each Sunday, although this day I was not working and looked forward to heading to Northbrook Church to gather with my church family and worship together. Northbrook has been my home church since 2001, so I have a large family!

There are many things going on personally in my head and heart that I can't share here, but I will share some things today because my experience at church was so profound. It is difficult sometimes to share this stuff because what is so deep and meaningful to me may sound trivial and "stupid" to the reader, but it is a risk I am going to take. This blog is meant to glorify God and today He really did surprise me with some things and I just need to document it in some way.

When I walked in the door at Northbrook this morning I was greeted by name with smiles and hugs from my brothers and sisters in Christ. It was such a warm feeling of love in the air. :) It just seems sweeter now that I live alone to have people genuinely happy to see me.

I chatted some and then headed in to take my seat, third row in the section on the right side, second chair in from the aisle on the left. I noticed a couple behind me that I had not met so I introduced myself and met Gina and Raymond. I said "hello" to a few other family members and watched as other Northbrookers made their way over to greet Gina and Raymond. It made me remember my first visit to Northbrook and how I immediately felt loved. I hope Gina and Raymond experienced some of that today.

I took my seat again and observed that the elements were reverently on display at the front. Honestly, I have not partaken in the sharing the Lord's Supper the past few times the opportunity presented itself. I chose not to partake on those occasions because my heart just wasn't "right". The Lord's Supper is something I revere and take very seriously. There are times I literally shake when I hold the elements and consider what Jesus Christ did for me on that cross and think about how much love it took to stay on that cross, suffering and dying. I think hold me Jesus, I'm shaking like a leaf.

When I saw that my Northbrook family would be sharing in the Lord's Supper today, before the service started I sat and reflected at my seat. I was thinking that my heart is there, it is ready, and it is His. I thought, today I will be able to partake.

The service started with a single voice singing strains of a hymn and then we heard scripture read by many different people and children. All these scriptures shared the truth about God's love and how much He does love us. It was impactful to me because I had already been led to ponder all that.

As the praise and worship music started by the band on stage, the wife of one of the band members came up next to me and asked if she and her family could sit in the row of seats next to me. Of course! So, I quickly moved my stuff from the seat that was to my right, but realized that wasn't quite enough room and then I had to leave "my" seat and move to the seat on the end.

This doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it was. It was a very big deal. That end seat was "Katie's". That was my friend Katie's seat. I sat next to her for eight years as she worshiped. So, it felt weird. It felt so different to sit there, in "Katie's seat". I was somewhat befuddled.

When the band finished, the woman's husband came and sat next to his wife, which was next to me, in "my" seat.

Suddenly a wave of emotion overcame me because it was now "official"; the era has come to an end. My entire framily is gone and Katie wasn't there and life is marching on. I've even been "kicked out" of my seat. It was symbolic. It really got to me. I think it is finally sinking in how different my life is now. I know the both of us are in God's will, and that is all good, but my heart has finally accepted that I am enduring a major life adjustment. In a way it really surprised how it all started to hit me. My life as I knew it is over. God is moving me onto new things. God is moving Katie onto new things.

Chuck, my pastor, then stood before us to present the elements, that which represents Christ's body and blood. My eyes were already welling up and as Chuck began to share a word with us, he got choked up. He couldn't speak because he was overcome with emotion. I have seen this in him before when we partake in the Lord's Supper. It is a very meaningful time and it seemed extra special today for some reason; at least it was for me.

When Chuck finally spoke he said "Have you ever just been so overcome with the realization that you are loved?" He continued on to share that he feels that way when we share in communion, when he thinks about his family, when he thinks about the church, when he thinks about his wife, etc. It was impactful to me because I was really feeling the love today. As soon as I entered the Gathering Place, brothers greeted me, I found sisters to get hugs from and talk with, listened to people share about how much God loves me and then I was about to do something that Christ commanded us to do in order to remember His sacrifice, which was totally done out of absolute, never-ending, pure love for me.

It was powerful. God reminded me that Christ took on the form of a man for me. He is the Almighty, yet He did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. Can you imagine confining yourself to live in a feeble body covered with skin, when you are an omnipotent, eternal being? As a man he endured the hardships of life we all deal with, and much more. He lived a perfect life and then died a death like any common criminal of that day. The people who cheered Him waving palm branches as He entered the city at the beginning of the week were sorely disappointed by him by the end of the week and even spat on him and cursed Him. Then He laid down His life. Yes, man crucified Him, but that would not have happened without his permission. He literally laid his life down! He did that for me. For YOU! Bloggles the mind!

That is true love. Agape love. He died for the very people that spit on Him, curse His name, and nailed Him to a tree. He died for me. Me.

So, I sat reflecting on that as well as the framily that I was so desperately missing, knowing that I have loved deeply and knowing that I am loved deeply. It was so very humbling.

Chuck asked anyone willing to serve to come up and pass out the elements and so I took of the bread and I took the cup. We waited to eat together and then to share of the drink. As I crushed the bread between my teeth, I envisioned the body of my Savior, broken and dying as He hung on a cross, and as I drank of the cup I understand that He poured his blood out as a sacrifice for my sin.

After sharing the Lord's Supper Chuck delivered an inspired message on the scripture about Jesus washing the disciple's feet. I want to share more about that in another post, but one thing that stuck with me is something Chuck said about foot washing, he said "it is humbling on both sides of the water."

It was an emotional day for me as I remember life and what it was like these past ten years, and how it is now and that I can trust God for a future rich with opportunities to serve Him.

Wedding Bells are Ringing (by Katie)

2009-10-28T19:11:00.000-05:00

Well, it happened. The sisters no longer live in the same home. Although our roles are changing, our status as sisters in Christ remains forever. As of next Saturday, November 7th, 2009, this sister will be marching to wedding bells! God gave me beauty for ashes and now I will be married and I will have a new name...just like another sister in Christ prophesied to me back in March, just before I met my fiance. I was given the first part of Isaiah 62 which God had laid on her heart to give to me that day. I had no idea what it meant at the time but it is all very clear to me now as I am watching that prophesy unfold! Glory to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! He has given me beauty for ashes.

The Hiker

2009-10-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

"I'm a hiker!"

This announcement comes because I completed a total of thirteen miles of trails in The Great Smoky Mountains National Park. These were all day hikes, which is a term I learned on this trip to The Smokies. Day hikes are, get this, hikes one does during the day! And they are not too long that they can't be completed within a day. Oh yeah! I have the terminology down! Uh-huh!

Oh, I also learned what a "sherpa" is, and teased Ellen that I was her sherpa. Actually I was more of a mule. A sherpa is a guide, I didn't guide, I carried the backpack. LOL

So I was advised to purchase special socks for hiking, socks that will wick moisture. Yep! Listen to me and my bad hiker lingo! I learned that these socks help keep the feet dry and prevent blisters. I had happy feet on this trip and I am thankful to my friend for preparing me so well.

I also had some all-terrain hiking boots which are of utmost importance when it is wet and muddy while walking rocky trails. They also lended support to my ankles which have been sprained so many times that they have little support of their own.

I got to use a walking stick, or hiking pole, as well! Woohooo! This thing was an essential because it really helps to steady your gait while walking on slippery rock surfaces and uneven terrain.

It had rained many days prior to our trip to the mountains and threatened to rain the entire time we were there, so I prepared by taking a good rain jacket. It served me well and kept me dry the first couple of days when it rained some. Thankfully, the majority of the rain cleared out for our last two days and only a short spontaneous shower crept up now and then. The weather was quite cooperative afterall.

A hat is also a good idea for many reasons. It can keep the sun off of your head to help keep you cooler and for me, my ballcap helped shield my glasses from the rain. I can't see a thing without my glasses, so I have to wear them in the rain and that doesn't always work out so well. A hat will also protect you from ticks that fall from the trees onto your head.

One more essential thing for the hiker; the backpack. We filled that pack with water which is something you should never go without on a hiking trip. We packed plenty of water and other food that would provide energy for climbing the steep, strenous mountain sides. My friend Ellen also packed things like a First Aid kit, flashlight and a whistle in case we had a mishap and needed help.

I learned a lot on my first real hiking adventure. Most of all I learned that I LOVE IT! I will go back someday. I can't wait to share the experience with Katie! It's gonna be so grand!

The previous post has some pictures from the adventure on my Flickr and you can also see more pics on Facebook; here, here and here.

Speechless

2009-10-03T22:46:00.000-05:00

Author - Susan L. Prince

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."

When we were driving up through The Great Smoky Mountains I caught a quick glimpse of a beautiful sight through a very small opening between the trees. It was just enough for me to get a quick glance at the scene, but still left me ignorant of what was to come and what I was about to see.

As we neared the top I was getting eager to get out of the confines of the vehicle we were in to behold a scene painted by the hand of God. I leaped from the car as soon as we parked and I surveyed what was before me. I stood there speechless, looking out over the expanse of mountain tops peering up through cloud cover that left me without words.

Now and then I would muster a simple "wow". "WOW!" That was about all I could come up with.

I thought about how my friend Ellen pointed out to me one day that everything God created is visually pleasing. What I saw that morning blows visually pleasing out of the water! It was stunning! Absolutely amazing! There are no adjectives to adequately describe what I witnessed that morning. I could barely breathe I was so astounded.

I kept imagining the Spirit of God hovering there.

Below are more pictures of our trip to The Smokies on Flickr.

I am Alone; Nothing Wrong with a Little Hurt

2009-09-26T21:19:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I am alone.

Living alone.

Now. By myself in this house.

I feel weak. Poor. Broken.

A framily once resided here. We shared this home and experienced many things together in these almost nine years.

I can remember watching the neighborhood kids play in the backyard with Justin and Tiffany. I was privileged to watch the pick up soccer match between friends.

The dogwood, and Justin climbing in it and sitting there in the midst of the pure, white spring blooms. The boy loved that tree.

Now and then I hear strains of The Sound of Music and am reminded about how Tiff would watch that musical over and over and over again driving us all crazy as she would not stop singing it. Tiffany rarely stopped singing. Or making me laugh.

I watched Katie earn two degrees and graduate from Union University with honors last spring. I've seen her do what it takes to raise her kids to the best of her ability, sacrificing many material things to see to it they had a good education and everything they needed.

Katie, the best friend I've ever known, is gone now and will be married in November.

Justin is in the Navy.

Tiffany in Alabama with her dad.

These people have made imprints on my heart that I carry with me always. It was not always easy, and in fact, the past few years have been difficult, but there is restoration and there is love. All is good. God is working it all out for good, for His glory.

I understand that the season of our framily sharing this home is now over and a new one has begun. God has moved us all in different directions. I am making the adjustments and embracing the future.

God has always taken care of me and He'll continue to do just that.

I'm gonna take some time to hurt though. Nothing wrong with a little hurt.

What God is Doing

2009-09-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

Author: Katie

This blog is supposed to be about what God is doing in the lives of two sisters. The lack of posts may convey a message that He isn't doing anything. To the contrary, He is doing much. What He is doing is taking these two sisters down different paths in life. One of us moved on some time ago...the other is finally aware of what is going on...duh...and trying to do adjust and do the same.

Letting go is not easy but in life there is a time, a season, and a purpose for everything and He works everything out for good! The season for the "Sisters" has passed. As for this sister...I am getting married! This is very very good.

So, I guess this "disconnect" as we take two different roads explains the lack of posting seen here at the Sisters' Weblog. What an awesome adventure and journey we have travelled. Now that our paths are going in different directions, for this sister...the taste is bittersweet because it is sad to see our journey together come to an end...it was so sudden and unexpected... but it is so sweet because God is at work all around us every day and nothing happens that He is unaware of.

One final word of encouragement for any readers who still may be with us....

All I can say is trust Him even when things don't look like you think they should..especially during times when everything seems hopeless. His love never fails. People come and go in life, God gives and takes away according to His own good purpose. He is the one sure constant and His love is steadfast...always. He is everything we need to get through a life filled with unexpected twists and turns. Apart from Him we can do nothing.

One thing I have learned more than anything through all the experiences written about about in our blog and more.....this life...my life...life itself...it's about one relationship and one Person...God. I will continue to strive to live in a way that brings Him glory. I will fail at times...but then I will grow. This is the good of Romans 8:28. My suffering is what makes me like Christ and I want to be like Him so I will learn to find joy and praise Him during those hard times that purify, mold, and grow me more into His likeness...this is good. And as for suffering...it only lasts for a night... I can get through the difficult times by remembering that joy always comes in the "mourning" and in the morning.

Each day brings with it new trials and new blessings. The great news is that we can focus on the blessings as we go through the trials...and count the trials as blessings as they mold us more into the loving, holy character of Christ. It's not easy to do this...but with God all things are possible..but we must abide in Him because apart fron Him we can do nothing.

Philippians 3: 7-14

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

My prayer is that He will manifest Himself you, beloved readers and that you will understand the surpassing greatness of Jesus Christ and that God will fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. It is our hope (I think I can speak for Sue as well) that the posts you have read on this blog have helped point you in that direction.

Many of you have been such as source of wisdom, challenge, comfort, encouragement and growth to us over the years. Thank you..each and every one for your contributions. God bless you. Amen.

Another Awesome Followup - Fellowshipping in suffering makes us stronger

2009-08-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx

Follow Up

2009-07-30T09:15:00.000-05:00

This is a link to my daily devotion. I found it interesting that it seems to follow up on what I posted yesterday...for those who might be confused....I hope it helps.

http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx

Fellowshipping in the Suffering

2009-07-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

Author: Katie

Fellowshipping in the sufferings of Christ….

This is a blessing but it doesn’t always feel like it because what it means is that I have to be willing to be wrongfully accused, be willing to take on the punishment of those who persecute me. I must be willing to experience rejection from those I love the most (excruciating)…and I have to understand that often I will be the last on the list of important relationships/people in the lives of those I love. I have to be willing to accept that the people I love will be too busy to spend time with me and that they might see me as a fairy godmother of some sorts…only there to meet their needs, hear their requests, and make them as comfortable as they desire to be…to receive praise when I do something that makes them feel good, ignored when everything is going well, and cursed when I don't give them what they want or think they need. I am learning how much God suffers at my hand every day because everything I am experiencing is what He goes through because of me. I reject, I get too busy doing things that don't matter and focusing on things that are temporal and will never love me back to the neglect of my relationship with Christ who truly loves me. I get angry when things don't go my way. I ignore Him when I am comfortable...and He takes it. His love doesn't waiver or become more or less. I want to love like that...but it hurts so bad.

So, I ask myself…how can this be good for me? The pain is excruciating and tests my endurance and ability to stand strong in my faith every single day. Why do I continue to ask God to allow me to experience the suffering of Christ? Because It allows me to better grasp how deep and wide and far the love of God reaches for me. This is the glory that comes from the suffering…the glory of God. I experience His love and love others the way He does... like I cannot unless I am willing to accept this call…and so when I find myself in a place where I want to throw in the towel…I will not give up. I will trudge forward and press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So even in the midst of this suffering…my God…I will try my best not to hang my head low. I will strive to not complain. I will continue to praise You! I will rejoice in the love I am experiencing in the midst of it all…I can do this because I know, Father that You are bigger than all of it and that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I praise You for this call to fellowship. Suffering is the path to truly experiencing Your love...a love that is beyond human comprehension and can be found only in You. I cannot represent you accurately to the lost unless I experience accurately the cross.

The price I pay is nothing compared to the price You have paid. Help me to stand.

Finding Joy

2009-07-27T17:57:00.000-05:00

Author: Katie

Every year God gives me an area of my life to focus on...one that needs growth. This year He gave me joy. No, He did not make me happy (which is what I thought would happen when I understood where He was planning to work in my life). I expected that finally, everything in my life was going to come together and all the things I have been praying for would all fall into place and finally I would have happiness.

I should have known better. Happiness is temporary. Joy is forever. If I have learned anything over the last several years, I have learned that His ways and thoughts are most certainly not like mine. So, after I returned from the retreat in which I discovered the theme of my life this year, I suffered many many attacks on my faith which resulted in great loss in many ways. However, I am learning in the loss that there is so much more to gain.

I am learning that I trust in circumstances and relationships too much...earthly things that I am learning more and more every day are very temporal. Even the strongest relationships can change in a moment's notice and be lost forever. Circumstances rise and fall with every change of wind and my emotions rise and fall with them.

God is teaching me that true joy does not depend on circumstances or earthly relationships...or any eartly thing for that matter. Joy is found hidden deep beneath the circumstances and in only one relationship. I will have joy when I find that place deep within and let my relationship with Christ be at the core of my being and the complete source of my joy...not people...not circumstances.

I am also learning that it doesn't happen overnight. I still have ups and downs but the hills and valleys of this roller coaster ride are becoming smaller and smoother...yet I know the ride isn't over yet. I still fear loss and I still have a broken heart and I still focus too much on relationships that really shouldn't matter at the expense of those that should matter more. I try to hold on to what I should let go of...what doesn't belong to me nor ever did to begin with. I want Philippians 3: 8-10 to be my testimony.

I want to live to consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I want to consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death....

This is the path to joy...the path through suffering...it begins with dying to my flesh...to selfishness. The more I strive to reach this place...the more I see how selfish I really am. God, help me to die in a way that brings You glory and resurrect me to find eternal and consistent joy in You and You alone. I know this road will carry me through suffering and as much as it already hurts...I know that I will find strength in Christ and joy in praise. And so I praise you for this storm that will lead me on the path to pure joy that is only found in You. Mold me...strengthen me...make me holy that I can be a purer image of You. To You be the glory for the work that You never cease doing until it has been completed. For You work all things for good as you mold those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.. into Your perfect image! I am called. I am being purified. I am growing. I am being emptied. It hurts...a lot...but I shall continue to reach for the goal which is in Christ. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

I've Got Bigger Issues Than That

2009-07-16T18:01:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I have much bigger issues than Internet addiction and a cluttered life.

I have sin.

It is called bitterness.

It is eating me alive and destroying relationships.

Pray for me.

Addiction Conviction

2009-07-14T12:42:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I've been posting about what God has convicted me of recently. The first one is simple and I have been convicted about that for awhile, and it really hit me hard on a retreat weekend at Natchez Trace back in April? May? One of those months! LOL

The first is my obvious addiction to the computer, namely the Internet. I don't really do anything special online, just surf, read blogs, the news, Facebook and piddle really. The problem is that it does take time away from God. He hates that and is letting me know it. The solution to this is to curb my time online.

I was made very aware of this being a problem when I was on retreat Katie had her laptop there. She left the room and there I was, alone in a hotel room with a computer. I literally knew I shouldn't power it on and was sitting there on the bed listening to my worship music, trying to pray and study the Word, but that computer was distracting me. I had the thought...wow, I understand what alcoholics must endure when they want that drink, know it's not good for them, and then are left alone in a room with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I fought the desire to get online for a while, but then I figured, only for a few minutes and could no longer resist. I gave in.

Appalled that I was letting an addiction control me, I came home from that retreat vowing to restrict my online time, and did so for about five minutes. I'm having a bit of trouble with that obviously. That makes me beat myself up.

The second thing I am convicted about is that I need to simplify my life. I am reading "So, You Want to Be Like Christ? Eight Essentials to Get You There" by Charles R. Swindoll. The second discipline Swindoll explores is Simplicity. He asks "do you spend adequate alone time with God?"

This is something I learned that I needed to do when I first started meeting with my friend, mentor, and accountability partner Karen. She calls it guarded time and encouraged me to guard time that I set aside for quiet time before the Lord. This is not an easy thing for me and when I started being accountable to her for this time, on a scale of one to ten I said I was a two. I was able to raise that to about a four, but dropped off some.

Swindoll later in that chapter asks "have you become a cluttered person within?" Now, I despise clutter! I am miserable in the midst of clutter. I like a room that is fairly simple, not a lot of stuff on the walls and lacking in knick knacks. I like decor, but simple and tasteful. Simple.

Then a paragraph later he said look in the trunk of your car, your closet and do I have to rake stuff off the passenger seat of the car when someone gets in. He made me see that clutter has worked itself into my life. I have to admit, my surroundings are cluttered and they represent my mind.

In my quest to practice "guarded time" I have been made aware that I have a problem clearing my mind. Just like I have a problem clearing material things out of the physical realm in which I live, I also have difficulty clearing a path through to solitude in my spiritual life.

I have started changing some of my habits and forcing myself to go sit on the backyard swing and be quiet. I have taken day retreats over to the lake to sit and be quiet, but I end up frustrated because I can't quiet my mind. Swindoll has helped me realize all the clutter and now I am convicted about it and need to work toward cleaning it up. Simplify simplify simplify! He says that simplicity leads to intimacy. I want to experience the next level of intimacy with my God!

I want to start with simplifying my life; decluttering my home, my car, and letting go of any obligations that are not beneficial to me or working to distract me from intimacy with God. I plan to go room by room clearing out the unnecessary stuff and once the physical world in which I live is streamlined and in order, I am hoping my mind will be calmer and settle down so I can allow God to work there and clear out the unnecessary stuff lurking there.

And like my Internet addiction, I appear to have trouble getting this done too. I am highly unmotivated to declutter my home. I want it done, but don't want to do it! LOL

What Am I Convicted About?

2009-07-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

Author: Susan L. Prince

I had some prayer time on lunch hour today. I wanted to use that time to whittle down the issues that God has convicted me about. Two things:

Computer and Internet Addiction (this is a given I know, but this is more about how to fix the problem at this point and how to give it to God because I haven't been able to kick it on my own.)
Simplifying my life

Tomorrow I will use part of my day off praying about how exactly I should go about remedying the situation.

Conviction is Just a Word

2009-07-06T09:18:00.000-05:00

I'm convicted.

I've been saying that a lot lately.

Saying it and doing something about it are two entirely different things. I haven't done much to change what behaviors I say I'm convicted about.

Having been spending more time studying God's word and using some "helps" books, praying considerably more these days than I have for years, and also spending more time absorbing the words of teachers, mentors and friends in the faith have pointed out some areas of opportunity for me to change some things.

Conviction is not a bad thing, in fact, it is a very good thing because it is something God uses as He draws me unto Himself. He is jealous for me to know Him intimately and when something is possibly hindering my relationship with Him, He implants something into my heart, my soul, that helps me to see that there is something standing in the way. He is ready and willing to help me remove it so I have complete access to Him, but for whatever reason, I am sometimes reluctant.

It really is a stupid thing, to be reluctant to change something that will benefit me. Why do we do that? Why do humans do this?

I think what I need to do is take some time to pray about these things I have been convicted about recently and ask God how to go about correcting some of the issues. He is kind and gentle, merciful. He wants me to get rid of this stuff that is coming between us so I know that He will help me. Actually, the issue is not so much how to go about getting rid of the issues, it is having the strength and determination to do it. He'll help me with that too!

Conviction has a purpose, but we need to choose to do something about it. Without action, conviction is just a word.

Somebody, Please, Smack Me Upside the Head

2009-06-29T09:14:00.000-05:00

In my last three posts I shared with you what God revealed to me about my sin of failing to submit to spiritual authority. I shared some of the consequences of rejecting those in authority over me and how freeing it is to submit and how important it is to heed the instruction of those God has placed over you. Today I want to share some of the things in my life that brought me to the point that I recognized my sin and was finally able to do something about it. I want to share because I think it will highlight the way God works in our lives, through His Church, the Body of Christ, His Word, and through circumstances.

It is hard to know exactly where to start, but I will start at the point that I realized that I was in a spiritual desert. You can read more about that here and/or here. I heard a message (Jim Mindling of Open Door Christian Church in Elyria, OH) one day that opened my eyes to the fact that I was in a dry place spiritually and that I was in that desert place for a reason. Up until that point, I just felt like a failure in my Christian walk because I was so stuck and felt useless in the Kingdom. Here is one of the first places that God started using people in my life to bring me up out of the desert.

My friend Debbie, who was the person who originally shared the gospel with me, told me one day in early summer of 2007 that she had heard a message and that message was for me. She felt it would speak into my life and help me with the place I was in spiritually. She had no idea how life changing hearing that message would be, so I chalk it up to the providence of God.

At the same time I heard that message and was pondering it, our church began a summer series in our SaLT groups that explored how small groups should look and what their purpose within our churches should be. That study impacted me because it forced me to see how I was not transparent with the people in my group. Small groups within our churches should promote and foster deep meaningful relationships amongst believers and if I am not sharing about where I am spiritually, how are the people I surround myself supposed to know how to pray for me, or how to help me?

I really took that study seriously and it also made me consider another message I had heard earlier in 2007 about "doing life together". I started thinking about how I had been in the same SaLT group for years, but didn't feel intimately connected with anyone in it. I wasn't sharing life with anybody, I was meeting with them weekly studying God's Word, but not living it out. I was not experiencing any type of spiritual connection and thus was missing the point of "Sharing and Learning Truth" or "Serving and Learning Together" or "Sharing and Learning Together" or whatever SaLT stands for! I became acutely aware that as Christians we do need to be intentional about reaching out to our brothers and sisters in Christ, carrying one another's burdens, praying with one another, confessing our sins to one another and learning to love God together. We weren't meant to do it on our own. So, one day in a SummerSaLT gathering I confessed I was in a spiritual desert and that it was sad that people in my group may have had no idea.

I am introverted and so for me to reach out to people takes some extra effort on my part and requires me to really step out of my comfort zone. I made a conscious decision to go to a woman in my group that I felt would be good mentor because of her spiritual maturity and also for the fact that she seemed to be affected by the study of what a small group should be as well. It seemed we both were desiring to experience "doing life together". What is interesting to note here is that for years my friend Katie felt that Karen would be a good match for me in that sense and so through Katie's urging, I went to Karen. We both prayed about it and a connection was formed. We began to meet for prayer, study and fellowship consistently every couple of weeks and have been doing so ever since. It has enriched my life tremendously!

Many months later, in January of 2008, God placed another person in my life. Again, armed with my readiness to step out of my comfort zone of introvertedness and "do life together" I went out on a limb and contacted a person whom I had only had limited "conversation" with online. When we met we immediately hit it off and a year and a half later we are close friends. What has been so special to me about the relationship with my friend Ellen, is that there is a comfortableness in sharing. Also, because she was just getting to know me and came to my life with an unpredjudiced view of who I am, she was able to see things in it that I never had before. She helped me to see things that needed some attention and encouraged me to see things with a different perspective. She was very patient with me as I have stumbled through this past year! LOL

Last May I took my first steps out of the spiritual desert I was stranded in for so long. For the first time in years I was experiencing a newness with God again. I was feeling His Presence in my life. I could pray again! With a renewed sensitivity to the Spirit of the Living God, I was about to go through some spiritual struggles that would eventually lead me into a place of revelation, confession, repentance and growth.

My friend Katie has also been instrumental throughout my spiritual struggle in the desert and loved me unconditionally through it all. She has always been a source of comfort in that way and has put up with a lot of the consequences of my being there. She dealt with my critical spirit, skeptism, doubt, short-temper, and all other things associated with not being in right relationship with God. She has also adjusted to me as I've been growing in the emergence of a new spiritual place in my life. Believe me, it hasn't been easy.

For years I placed the blame on my lack of spiritual growth on various things like other people, broken things in my house, finances not being where I'd like them, studying too much brainiac stuff at church and not paying attention to heart conditions, but never did I look to myself. The people God put in my life, Katie, Karen, Ellen, as well as many at Northbrook Church, by praying for me and helping me see certain things finally broke through.

Finally I got the smack upside the head I needed and went to counsel with a pastor. (Some of that I shared about in previous posts so I won't go back there with this post. ) When I think back to first being told to listen to a message about being in a spiritual desert and then watching how God orchestrated events, circumstances and people all around me to gently prompt me out of the desert and into His oasis, I'm in awe. It bloggles the mind! He was gentle and merciful through this whole process and to Him belongs the glory!

I've learned so much through this experience, and one main thing I hope to always remember is to listen to the people God has placed in my life. Not everybody is matter of fact and gets to the point right away and some Godly wisdom and insight was shared with me but I was too blind, or stubborn, to see it. I hope that I have learned to be more attentive to the words people speak to me. I am praying that it won't take someone smacking me upside the head to point out my sin, but if it does, I pray that God puts that person, or people, there with the conviction to do it. I sure am thankful that He did this time.

Identify the Enemy and Win (Part II)

2009-06-25T21:50:00.000-05:00

In part one of this blog I shared how God spoke to me through creation and how I prayed for Him to show me the truth about my life and bring any lies into the light. He did and still is….

Later that night, He showed me who the real enemy was and how I had been deceived for years. The battle was not between me and others. The "others" were on my side and the enemy was disguised as my advocate. I saw those who loved me as though they were out to destroy me and the one who sought to destroy me as my friend. I had been going through a time of heavy oppression and I didn't even know it! I was deceived into rebellion, isolation, loneliness, and heartbreak. What should have been a place I could run to for rest had become a polluted waste. It was a slow fade that happened without my detection over a long period of time.

This was the great awakening that brought me to the other side of a long and difficult battle for freedom. It brought me to my knees in repentance and I let it all go. I handed it over to the only One who could carry my load…finally. God shined His light in the darkness, helping me to discern the truth from the lies. Now, with His help, I am cleaning up the mess and rebuilding from the ruins. Since that night of revelation, I have learned so much more and I am continuing to learn. That night, the scales fell from my eyes. I was able to identify the true enemy and it brought victory to a long and seemingly hopeless battle.

Since then, there has been a well spring of joy flooding up and out of me! I am able to love those I once saw as my enemies..and see how much they have been loving me. Even better, I have put my dependence on God because I have realized that it is humanly impossible for people to fill me with joy. Circumstances cannot bring me joy. These things can bring moments of happiness but not lasting joy rooted deep within. My joy can only come from the Holy Spirit of God.

Often we blame others and circumstances for the darkness we experience when really, we only need to take a closer look at the pollution we have allowed to seep within our own heart. God opened my eyes and brought His light into the darkness. He has exposed the pollution and cleaned the mess I made. What is even more amazing is that even when my heart was filthy...He did not leave. He sat in the midst of it all and waited for me to meet Him there...just like I left the peninsula at first, but was drawn to go back and seek Him in the midst of it all…and that is where I found Him. He is still changing me, growing me, and purifying me with His righteousness more and more every day. He is creating in me a clean heart and renewing a steadfast spirit within me daily (Psalm 51:10 NIV).

This isn't much different than when God's people in Ezra turned from God and intermarried with those who would pollute their lives and turn them from God. It isn't much different than when Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden. The same enemy who lived then still roams the earth seeking whom He will devour (I Peter 5:8). But when God's people humble themselves and pray and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, He will hear from Heaven, forgive their sin and heal their land (2 Chron. 7:14). He is a God of new beginnings, of forgiveness and of love. He alone is the source of pure joy everlasting. I once again have placed my hope in God and God alone. He has made me clean. Now I can grow.

Identify the Enemy and Win (Part I)

2009-06-25T16:43:00.000-05:00

Ezra 9:10-11
"But now, O our God, what can we say after this? For we have disregarded the commands you gave through your servants and prophets when you said: 'The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. by their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other.'"

Who would ever think that I might actually receive revelation from the book of Ezra? This just goes to show that God's Word is truly alive and we have fellowship with Him when we study His Truth and are obedient to what we learn.

A good friend and colleague said something to me recently that changed my life. It was in regards to the spiritual battle I have been fighting. He told me, "The battle is fought in prayer". Jesus didn't win the battle on the cross, the battle was already won by then. He won the battle in the garden when He prayed. This was a defining moment for me. I went home that night and surrendered to pray fervently until I reached the promised land of peace.

My prayers began turning up the heat and the battle was becoming almost unbearable. Finally, one day, I took a day trip with Sue to go back to Pickwick, a place where we once found peace and joy in God's presence. My heart was broken and I felt like I was about to go under. God seemed so far away. Looking back, I do believe God brought us there that day.

I fought the idea of going on this trip. I was too depressed. But, she talked me into it. In previous visits to this place, I had experienced so much joy and growth. But, this time, unknown to me, it was not going to be what I expected. My heart was heavy on this particular day. I felt as if life had beaten me to a pulp and I was running out of strength to go on. I needed strength that only God could give.

We arrived at our favorite place on the peninsula to great disappointment. We began to make our way to the very end where many years ago, we would relax and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. As we made our way there, we began no notice a stench in the air. As we continued to walk, we found the source of the stench. First we observed a few feathers, then more and more as we continued on further (hoping things would improve). Sue commented that it looked like there was some kind of bird fight. It wasn't long before we had to turn around and go back. The area had been saturated with carcasses of dead animals, fish, and pollution. Our favorite spot had been severely neglected.

From a distance it still looked beautiful. But as we took a deeper look, we began to see the filth and it was truly disgusting. We moved to a different area where it was nicer but I was drawn to go back and see if God was trying to tell me something in all of it.

I walked along the shore to avoid the worst, made my way to the very end of the peninsula, sat on a rock and watched the waves roll in. I spent a very long time contemplating and praying about the things I was struggling with. My surroundings began to paint a picture of my life. I had no idea how God was about to move. He always speaks to me through His creation and I knew He had a message for me. So, I began to pray and ask Him what He wanted me to learn from this experience.

He began with calling my attention again to the fact that once this place was once a beautiful place to find rest and peace. But neglect and carelessness transformed it into a polluted mess. Beneath all of that waste, however, there was still a beautiful place. It only needed some tender, loving care and attention to restore it to what it was before. It was then that I began to take a deeper look at a polluted mess within...the place in my heart where once I would run to and meet with God. I had let so many things in life pollute that place. I unknowingly carried baggage that was so old and it "smelled" as bad as the peninsula. I had let co-dependency, pride, selfishness, envy, and insecurity, create a mess not much unlike that which I was observing around me. This was the reason for my darkness...not people or circumstances. I had let circumstances determine my peace. I had been looking to people for joy, thinking that because God wasn't flesh, that He could not fill that need. When in reality, it's because he is not flesh that he can! I spent hours with God and very little time with Sue that day at the river. I prayed. I cried. I cried hard. I asked for wisdom. Eventually, I asked Him to show me the truth and bring darkness to light, no matter how painful it might be. This was the beginning of victory and the path that would lead me to joy.

A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part III)

2009-06-25T15:06:00.000-05:00

For years the message I was getting from leadership that warned me about a possible co-dependency issue was always there in the back of my brain no matter how I tried to dismiss it. I don't want to give the impression that they were hounding me or constantly "holding me accountable" or anything like that. Quite the contrary; they said it and I rejected it. I rejected their belief that I was in bondage to a co-dependent relationship, and basically that was it. They just kept on loving me, edifying me, encouraging me and helping me when I needed help. They are spiritually minded enough to understand that I simply wasn't ready to receive their instruction and were willing to wait until I was.

Over the years I had been growing more discontent with the state of my life and a lot of it had to deal with my idea of what "dying to self" meant. This is where my co-dependency issue and spiritual immaturity collided and led to my sin of rebellion and failure to submit to authority.

Followers of the Sisters' Weblog know that since 2001 I have been sharing a home with Katie and her two children. It takes a lot of sacrifice and work to be successful in any family and/or framily (the term we coined to describe the bringing together of friends + family), and for that matter any relationship, and I got this idea in my head that I was dying to self in all of it. I sacrificed a lot of time, energy and finances. I began to be torn about it because I believe Christians are called to die to self and we are always to put others' before ourselves but to what end? I really began to struggle because I started to wonder if I had overstepped my boundaries? Had a given until it hurts? And beyond? I started to beat myself up over all of these questions and more. This was very detrimental to my spiritual life and it was all so very confusing.

Here is where the problem was with me; I basically took over and controlled everything in the framily when it came to day to day stuff, finances and "fixing things" to the point where it became such a bondage. I got tired of "having to do everything", but that's just it, I didn't have to do everything! I wanted to do everything and wouldn't let others do anything. Like a control freak! I began to carry burdens that were not mine. I carried them until they weighed me down to the point I was crushed and became useless.

I didn't conscientiously make the decision to do this, but it is what gradually started to happen to the point where I was getting so frustrated and worn out, even became resentful. Please understand that I am not placing any blame on any other party, this is totally on me and my issue with needing to help other people to the point it becomes destructive to me, and to them.

Another aspect is that I want to make others' happy. I will constantly do things so other people benefit, even if it is to my detriment. People don't even have to ask me for help, I just offer it and do it. This can become a problem because I will allow myself to be put in situations that I always feel a “need" to yield to another person's wants or needs. After awhile this starts to get to me because I start thinking "Hey! What about me?" and then I struggle because I should not have thoughts like that when I should be dying to self. This is so difficult for me to explain, but the main point is, I have an unhealthy need to make others happy and justify it by saying "I'm dying to self". The problem is then amplified because I am "dying to self" outside of the will of God. Anything I do outside of God's will is my will, and there is no dying to self in that at all. This would include not being obedient to spiritual authority.

My spiritual leaders saw this destructive behavior, as well as some other things that were destructive to me spiritually, and lovingly over the years tried to help me see it. They had insight into that which I could not see.

When things got to the point where I just couldn't handle it anymore, I had a friend who said to me one day "If you had obeyed years ago ... it may not have gotten this bad." Those words really struck a chord in me. It's not that I didn't know it, but she forced me to admit it to myself. She encouraged me to trust my pastor and other leaders and trust that God can give them insight into my life spiritually. I took a step of faith and as a result I have learned to trust them in order for them to speak truth to me, help me to see areas of weakness and help me to overcome any bondages associated with them.

My pastor lovingly pointed out to me when I finally was willing to submit to spiritual authority, wouldn't have yielding to leadership have been dying to self? It was easier to do what you wanted to do than to do what we were trying to help you see needed done. BAM! That was a true moment of enlightenment to me about dying to self. He was right. All along I was doing what I wanted to do and the end result was very destructive.

I also repented to him and told him I realize that I had not submitted to his spiritual authority over my life. I didn't get an "I told you so", what I got instead was a life affirming "I love this!"

A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority (Part II)

2009-06-25T11:25:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in the last post that there were people around me, including some leaders in my church, who on occasion "hinted" to me that I may have an issue with co-dependency. I never really took that warning seriously and in fact was able to shrug it off without much effort, even to the point where I denied a problem and would say "they don't know what they are talking about", "I am responsible for my own life"or "they don't know my life, how can they know anything?".

Hindsight is 20/20 and as I look back over the years I can actually start to see why I ended up in a spiritual depression. Even as I was in it, I was blaming my presence there on various things including discontentment with my life and job, and studying so much theology that my brain was packed and my heart was empty. But, now I see exactly what it was! It was the thing that separates us from the love of God. It was sin.

My sin was rebellion. I rebelled against the spiritual authority in my life. I absolutely refused to submit to them. Much of this was done out of ignorance, but ignorance is never a defense, and it was also out of a lack of trust not only in my leaders, but obviously in my lack of trust in God. I didn't trust His anointed. That is never good!

Hebrews 13:17 tells me to obey my spiritual leaders. I Timothy 5:17-18 reminds me that elders are to be honored. I Peter 5:2-3 tells elders they are to guide the local church by setting its vision and direction, and in that to lead the members individually and collectively into productivity. A spiritual leader called by God is obviously entrusted by God with an awesome responsibility that He divinely equips them to do. Who am I to say that they don't know what they are talking about?

God put me into a body of believers and in that body are leaders that God has anointed. These people have been given a responsibility to watch over my spiritual well being and when I resist that, I am not allowing them to speak truth into my life. I am not allowing God to speak truth into my life! When you don't allow God to speak into your life --- you end up in a dry, dark and lonely desert wondering why you don't hear from God. No wonder!

None of this revelation was made known to me in an instant. It took months of working through it in prayer and with the help of intervention from other believers. I guess I'm going into a Part III which will delve a bit into the process of how all this was revealed to me, what all I have learned, and how it has affected me.

A Little Something I've Learned About Spiritual Authority

2009-06-25T08:34:00.000-05:00

For those of you who faithfully follow the Sisters' Weblog, I feel I must apologize for the lack of posting for the better part of a year now. There are reasons for the lack of posting, but most of them revolve around the fact that for the past year and a half to two years, I have been enduring a spiritual growth spurt. A lot of the learning I have acquired has required me to think and contemplate, meditate, pray, and maybe not announce everything I have experienced to the entire world through the blog. Also, during this season of growth I have thought things and I have said and done things that were less than pleasing to the Lord. I must tell the reader as well that I want what I share to edify and not tear down. It has been a difficult season to be sure, but as God would have it, He has and is using it for His purpose and to grow me more into the likeness of His Son.

A little over a year ago I emerged from a spiritual desert and with somewhat new eyes I have been more aware of His Presence in my life and how He is working in it. With a renewed sense of purpose and understanding I stepped out of the darkness of the desert and into the Light which exposed some things that I never saw before in myself. It exposed weaknesses and sin.

While there are multiple things I learned about myself in my Christian walk over the course of this past year or so, I have narrowed this post down to the one major breakthrough and that is what I learned about yielding to spiritual authority.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Hebrews 13:17)

For many years I have had those in authority over me telling me, or rather inferring to me, that I have a co-dependent relationship.

I balked at that. For years. But, what I didn't realize is that my pastor and leaders in my church had insight spiritually that I did not have.

So, what was my sin in all this? My sins were many, but the biggest was that I didn't recognize my leaders as spiritual authority over me, therefore I rebelled and didn't submit them. I was spiritually blind.

This post is starting to get rather long and I do want to get into how exactly the revelation of these things came to be understood, so I will consider this Part I, next to come in Part II is some of how I began to see that when I am spiritually blinded, others' may have insight into my life that I just can't see.

Katrina's Graduation From Union University

2009-05-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

And there's more for Facebooker's here and here!

Cocoon Building

2009-05-12T20:51:00.000-05:00

There we were, Ellen and I, minding our own business and enjoying the beautiful day from the swing in the backyard when she pointed out a stick hanging there in the air just a few feet from us.

Suspended from a thin line of string was this little "stick". We sat there theorizing why this stick was hanging on this thread that was leading up to the tree tops in my backyard. I thought "is it conditioning?" imagining a spider dangling a stick as added weight to build endurance in his web building.

Ellen said "it could be construction" as if there was some type of plan coming to fruition from the wondrous architects of the arachnid world.

I played on that a bit and started to help whomever was at the top and holding the other end of the thread and said "go right, right...ok, there, now drop" and on cue, that stick suddenly dropped down another few inches.

It startled us both! LOL

Then, upon further inspection as we watched that stick suspended in the air, it suddenly began to MOVE!

It was alive!

Ellen said "it's a caterpillar and it must be spinning its cocoon!"

This is a video of that caterpillar's trek back up that string spinning a cocoon.

Sound effects provided by none other than Ellen! Girl, you crack me up! LOL

Another interesting and surprising thing that happened is that earlier a butterfly came by and was showing off how beautiful he was.

Creation is wondrous!

Ma

2009-05-10T07:54:00.000-05:00

I don't know when I started calling my mother "Ma", but it happened somewhere along the line. I guess it is my term of endearment for her. She is my ma. She is a life-giver.

Although God created me, and Ma and "pop" adopted me as an infant and therefore was not born of my ma, I consider her a life-giver because of what she has spoken into my life since the day she brought me into her home.

Never did I ever doubt the love she has for me. My entire life has been filled with words of encouragement, words of love, words of hope and all of her words give life.

I am so blessed that God chose my family to put me into. Why of all the mothers on the planet did God destine me for the most perfect ma? It is simply because of the love He has for me!

I remember as a child literally thinking that I want to be like my ma when I grow up. She cares deeply for people and I noticed that even as a youth when she would drive my friends home from visiting me. She would always wait until my friend was safely in their home before we would leave. Simple thing, but from it I learned to care and to this day I don't like to leave from dropping someone off until they are safely inside.

I also remember how on those rebellious teenage days when I might have decided that I didn't need to go to softball practice that she would come into my room, sit beside me on my bed, scratch my back and the scowl on my face would literally melt away. She would encourage me to go to practice because I had a commitment to the team and practice is important. She reminded me that my semi-pro playing grandad wouldn't have appreciated me skipping out on ball practice. Within minutes my attitude would change and we'd be on the road to practice.

Each morning Ma would quietly open the door to my room and gently speak my name "Sue" to awaken me for school. Now and then she might say "up and at 'em" with smile and a cheerful tone that would make rising from bed a little less difficult. She prepared breakfast daily for me and would send me off to school contented and reassured that it would be a good day.

Ma is an optimist. She is the most patient person I know. All through grade school, college, and even now, she is the one I can always call to feel better if I receive some not so good news. She just has this way of making "tragedies" not seem so bad. Her calming voice immediately quells anxiety about any situation and I remember in college how my roommates would always ask "Can I call your mom, she always makes me feel better." You know, even my adult friends do the same today!

I am so happy that my Ma is living a retirement full of activity. She embraces life and can even make the mundane things in life like grocery shopping something to appreciate and she can find the positive side of it. See? She is even a "miracle worker"! LOL She sees the glass half-full in every circumstance.

One of the most important reasons that I feel so thankful that I have my ma is because of all the love she has poured out over me all of my life. Because of the way she loves me, I have an ability to comprehend the unwavering love of God. People often come to understand the love of God through the relationship they have with their parents, and because I never went a day without feeling loved by them, I have been able in my humanity to understand something of the love of God. Unshakable, undeserved, unwavering, and eternal.

I love my ma so much. The love I have for her is very deep and really inexpressible with words. My heart just bursts when I think on how blessed I am.

My ma keeps our family intact. My sisters and I are not the greatest at keeping in touch with each other, but Ma knows what is going on in all of our lives and keeps us all informed.

She is just such an amazing woman and when I grow up I want to be like her.

She is so amazing and cool, she even Twitters! Follow Ma! Her tweets often crack me up!

Happy Ma's Day Ma! I miss you so much and can't wait for my next hug from you!

A Spiritual Retreat to Natchez Trace

2009-05-03T00:04:00.000-05:00

What Is My Alternative?

2009-04-15T21:39:00.000-05:00

As Katie and I make our way through Beth Moore's "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman" study, we often take time out to evaluate what we are learning and how the spiritual principles may be applied to our individual lives. Yesterday was a quite convicting lesson, at least for me.

In the lesson of Week 5 Day 5 we examined the behavior of Zeresh, Haman's wife, and how she endeavored to get rid of Haman's little problem called Mordecai. Moore's point was that often we get so sick of dealing with the drama of a loved one's life, that sometimes we basically want to take matters into our own hands, deal with it in what ever way possible that would end the drama quickly and efficiently.

Toward the end of the lesson there were five questions that we were to answer with a "yes" or a "no". These are the questions:

Do I have a low tolerance for the discomforts and upsets of those around me?
Do I feel pressured to come up with solutions to a loved one's persisting problems?
Do I ever grow weary enough of my loved one's problem that I could be tempted to give advice normally uncharacteristic of me?
Do I tend to get inordinately wrapped up in my loved one's conflicts with people and develop strong feelings like jealously, resentment, or hatred toward their opponent?
Do I tend to take a quick trip from passionate to irrational?

So, I answered them all and read the very next statement:

If you answered any of the above questions with "yes", what is your alternative?

Ok, that was NOT what I was expecting. Immediately I was so convicted of wrong attitudes. I mean the love and concern I have for my loved ones is genuine, but the way it controls me and causes me to behave when trouble comes, is totally inappropriate as the lesson made that undeniably clear.

I answered four of the five questions "yes".

For a person gifted with wisdom, my love while strong and good, surely has not always been reflected wisely. This is something that needs to change. And now.

It was difficult to look in the mirror at myself today, but thank God I was forced to.

Marshmallow Peep Blows Up

2009-04-13T23:48:00.000-05:00

This is how we enjoyed our Easter candy.

Nothing like blowing up peeps!

Trampoline Bible Study

2009-04-11T17:49:00.000-05:00

Katie and I spent the afternoon on the trampoline out in the backyard. We enjoyed that time under the trees that recently have just burst out into springtime green. We noticed a robin in the dogwood tree sitting on the eggs in her nest there and got a decent picture of that.

We did our Esther study by Beth Moore on the trampoline today and really enjoyed immersing ourselves in the Word and enjoying our time with one another on this beautiful day.

God is good!